


Time heals nothing

by castiels_playdoll



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ben Braeden doesn't exist, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Break Up, Divorce, F/M, Gay Castiel, Homophobia, Homophobic John Winchester, M/M, Mentions of Heterosexual sex, Mentions of Masturbation, Multi, This is a Lisa Braeden positive fic, forced heterosexual lifestyle, mentions of Castiel with others, mentions of Dean with others, no infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-06-01 02:11:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 69,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6496714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castiels_playdoll/pseuds/castiels_playdoll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel were happy together for a year - until Dean's parents found out about their relationship and forced him to end it. After graduating high school Castiel moved away, and they both thought they'd never see each other again.</p><p>And then, ten years later, Castiel moves back into town. Even after all that time feelings are still there, hiding under the surface and making themselves known each time they run into each other. Castiel’s return reminds Dean of the only time he has ever been truly happy, the only person he has ever been truly happy with – and he desperately wants it all back.</p><p>The only thing holding Dean back is the wedding ring on his finger.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: ten years ago

**Author's Note:**

> Whew, writing this took forever! I couldn't be more excited (and nervous) to finally start posting this.
> 
> The biggest thank you to my amazing beta and a good friend  Kate  I couldn't have finished this story without your help and support. Thank you for listening to my whining and kicking my ass when I wanted to give up.
> 
> I also want to thank  Lordwhat  for the amazing art. I'm absolutely in love with it and I literally screamed for an hour when you sent me the first sketch. Working with you was a pleasure <3
> 
> I'll update this story weekly!
> 
>  **EDIT:** This story is now being translated into Italian! Thank you to the amazing @martinovak (on tumblr) for translating my story! I feel truly honored! [Find the translated story here](http://www.efpfanfic.net/viewstory.php?sid=3469901&i=1)

 

"Happy anniversary baby," Cas smiled and took Dean's hand over the table. Dean smiled back at him, squeezing his hand gently.

"Happy anniversary Cas. I love you." Dean said, making the smile on Cas's face grow even wider. The waitress had just collected their plates away and they were now waiting for their dessert. Suddenly Cas let go of Dean's hand, got up to walk around the table and sit on Dean's side of the booth. Even as it was their first anniversary they didn't want anything too fancy, just a dinner at a Chinese restaurant was good enough for them. As long as they were together they were happy. And of course, two high school students wouldn't even be able to afford a dinner at a fancy restaurant so Chinese it was.

"I have something for you," Cas whispered, looking Dean deep in the eyes with a slightly nervous smile on his lips. Cas was holding something in his hands and the way he fiddled with it draw Dean's attention down to it. Cas rubbed his thumb over a black box, not small enough to be a ring box but only slightly bigger.

"Cas, we agreed on no presents. I didn't get you anything." Dean sighed. He felt kind of bad suddenly because of course Cas would ignore their agreement and get Dean something anyway. He should have seen this coming and gotten something for Cas too.

"It's okay Dean, you don't need to get me anything. You are enough, you are all I need," Cas said almost shyly and leaned in to quickly press a small kiss on Dean's lips before leaning back away and biting his lower lip, a nervous habit that Dean had learned to love ever since the first time they met. Cas looked down to his lap where he was holding the box and finally handed it to Dean. "I hope you like it."

Dean took the box. Cas bit his lips again as Dean slowly opened it. Inside there was a dark brown leather bracelet with a small charm on it. The flat metal charm was engraved, "always with you" written on one side of it. Dean picked the bracelet up and looked up at Cas.

"It's so cheesy," Dean said with a huge grin.

"You love cheesy, don't even try to tell me otherwise," Cas smiled. He made a small swirling motion with his finger, "turn it around." Dean gave him a quizzical look before looking back at the charm, turning it around. On the other side was engraved a small angel. "Because you always call me your angel so..." Cas blushed slightly, shrugging his shoulders shyly.

"It just got even more cheesy!" Dean chuckled. He leaned in to quickly kiss Castiel.

"So, do you like it?" Cas asked, pressing his teeth against the corner of his lower lip.

"I love it, it's perfect. Help me put it on." Dean held out his wrist and the bracelet. With a big smile, Cas locked the piece of jewelry on Dean's wrist. As soon as it was on Dean lifted his hand up to look at the bracelet. "It fits perfectly. Thanks, Cas, I love it. I love you." Dean smiled. Cas reached out to take his hand.

"I love you too. I'm glad you like it." Right at that moment, the waitress came back to their table with their one ice cream bowl and two spoons. As soon as the woman was gone Dean took a spoonful of chocolate ice cream and held it up for Cas who opened his mouth, letting Dean feed him. Then Cas did the same for Dean with strawberry ice cream.

"We are so gross." Dean chuckled with his mouth full of ice cream, shaking his head a little.

"Grossly cute you mean?" Cas smirked back at him, holding another spoonful of the desert in front of Dean's face, waiting for him to open his mouth. Dean swallowed and immediately took the treat Cas was offering for him.

"Exactly. We are sweeter than this desert." Dean said, making Cas burst out laughing.

"Yeah I guess we are. Give me some of that strawberry." Cas said, motioning towards their bowl. Dean gladly fed more ice cream to his boyfriend.

After the bowl was empty they paid for the dinner together and walked out of the restaurant hand in hand. It was a warm summer evening, the sun was just about to go down. Dean led Cas into the park nearby. When they sat down on a bench near the water fountains Dean pulled Cas's legs to his lap and Cas scooted closer to Dean's side. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas who pressed his hand on the back of Dean's neck, his other hand holding to Dean's side. Dean leaned down to press their lips together.

They were alone in the park so they could finally properly kiss instead of just giving each other quick pecks. Cas's hold on the back of Dean's neck got a little tighter as the kiss grew deeper and Dean moaned lowly into Castiel's mouth. After what felt like forever, they had to pull away for air.

"I want to tell them." Dean broke the silence. Cas leaned away from him so he could see Dean better.

"What?" Cas asked with a furrowed brow.

"Cas, I'm so happy with you. I've never in my life been as happy as I've been this year and it's because I have you. They have noticed it too! But we've been hiding our relationship from them all this time and it sucks." Dean squeezed Cas's shoulder and took a breath. "I'm tired of looking over my shoulder every time we are somewhere public together just to make sure no one of my dad's friends will see us. I want to tell them. I'm sure they would understand and eventually accept it. I don't want to hide you, us, anymore. I want to stop sneaking around them all the time. I want them to know that I'm with you and how happy you make me." Dean spoke quickly. Cas just stared at him.

"Dean, I don't know if that's a good idea. I understand what you mean and I hate the fact that I can never come visit you at your home but Dean... What you have told me about your parents I don't think it's a good idea to tell them about us." Cas said with a calm voice. He looked nervous.

"No Cas, I want to tell them, I want you to meet them and I want to bring you to my house even if they are at home too. They will understand, they have to understand!" Dean insisted. He looked down to his lap and swallowed. "I can't keep lying to them anymore. It's killing me. I want to come out, I want to be able to be who I really am." Dean added quietly. Cas sighed and opened his mouth to say something but Dean continued. "Cas, they are my parents. I know them, trust me I do. They will understand and accept us. I'm sure when they finally meet you they are going to love you." Dean smiled and placed his hand on Castiel's cheek, brushing his thumb over his cheekbone. Cas sighed again.

"I have a bad feeling about this. Please consider this again, okay? I know it's hard and you know I would give anything to stop hiding what we have but..." Cas shook his head, "we are almost done with high school and after graduation, we can move away together. Just a few more months, then you can tell them. Just, don't tell them yet. Please, Dean." Cas looked at him with pleading eyes. For a moment Dean sat there in silence, looking back in Cas's eyes. Then he looked down, shaking his head with a sigh.

"What, I would just call them from the other side of the country like 'hey yeah forgot to tell you, I've been dating a guy for over a year now. Okay, great talk bye!'? That would be so cold. I have to tell them face to face, and I have to do it as soon as possible. Don't worry Cas, it's all going to be okay, I promise you that." Dean said and pressed their lips back together before Cas could say anything else. Cas sighed into the kiss. Dean could tell Cas didn't like this, that he wanted to argue more but they both knew it would be pointless. Once Dean had made his mind about something it was almost impossible to make him change it.

                                                

Three days later Dean was finally given the opportunity to talk to both his mom and dad at the same time. He asked them to join him in the kitchen, asking them both to sit down around the table as he stood in front of the counter.

"So umm... mom, dad, I have something to tell you. This isn't easy but I want you to just... listen and not freak out. Okay? Okay, here we go. So um... I'm bi." Dean spit it out, quickly glancing at his parents. Mary looked surprised but John obviously didn't have any clue what Dean had just told him, so Dean continued. "As in bisexual, that means that I like both girls and boys," Dean said. Before he could continue John stood up so fast that his chair almost fell down and pressed his hands on the table in front of him.

"What? No, you don't! My son isn't gay, I didn't raise a gay son!" John was suddenly yelling, making Dean jump back a little, flinching at his father's reaction. "This is a good family," John added.

"No, dad I'm not gay! I'm bi. I like girls too." Dean said with a quiet voice, trying to stay calm. His dad was scary when he was mad and Dean wasn't afraid of him for no reason. Oh, he had plenty of reason.

"That's not even a thing! And how can you know you 'like boys' when you have never even been with one?" John argued, his face red with anger. Dean's eyes flickered from his dad to his mom, to the window and down to his feet.

"Well, actually... I have a boyfriend." Dean said so quietly that he wasn't even sure if they could hear it, but judging by the way Mary gasped and the table crunched as John gripped it even tighter they had heard it well enough.

"WHAT?" John yelled louder than before. "You have a... Who is it?" John growled. Dean's head snapped up. John was mad angry and now he wanted to know who Dean was dating. No way he would tell him now, John could do anything to Cas if he found out.

John looked like he was thinking really hard until his eyes suddenly grew bigger like he had just realized something. "It's the new kid, Castiel, isn't it?" The way Dean flinched in horror to the mention of Castiel's name gave it away. John banged his fist on the table. "I knew it!! The first thing I heard about them after they moved into town was that they have a freaky gay son and his parents are accepting of that? I knew he would be trouble for someone but I never imagined it to be my son he would lure into that disgusting..." John didn't finish his sentence, just gestured wildly with his arms and groaned loudly.

"Dad, Cas didn't 'lure' me into anything. He didn't do any dark gay magic to make me fall in love with him, it's just... happened." Dean stood up to his boyfriend. Mary turned to look at him with wide eyes.

"You are...? You are in love with him?" She asked with slightly horrified tone. Dean sighed, looking down to his mother.

"Yes mom, I love him and he loves me. We have been together for a year now." Dean said, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice.

"No! I won't allow this! I won't allow my son dating a guy and doing god knows what with him. You end this poisonous relationship with him right now, or I'm sending you away to your cousins in Florida!" John yelled his threat. Dean's eyes widened in shock.

"No, dad don't! I'm almost done with school, you can't send me away now. Could you just give me and Cas a chance? Just meet him, let's have a family dinner. I'll invite him over and you can get to know him, we can--" Dean was speaking fast until John interrupted him.

"That freak is not coming into my house! I don't know what he did to get you under his spell but he is not fooling me. You end that... that thing you have with him and we can act like this never happened. We'll find you a nice girl to marry like normal people do! End this unnatural thing you have with him right now or I swear to god I will send you so far away from here that you won't be able to see him ever again anyway!" John pointed a finger at Dean, his face red with anger. "And don't even think about trying to hide your relationship with him, I will find out if you do. I have eyes everywhere and now that I know what to look for you can't hide it from me, I will find out." John said and stepped away from behind the table, walking so close to Dean that he had to lean back to the counter behind him. "Do you understand me, son?" John asked and all Dean could do was nod. "Good," John said with an ice cold voice before he stomped out of the room.

Dean took a couple deep breaths in a desperate attempt to calm down before turning to look at his mother who was still sitting on her seat at the table, staring right in front of her.

"Mom? Please tell me you don't agree with him." Dean walked to the table, taking the seat opposite from Mary. She looked at him with an apologetic look on her face and Dean knew she was going to let him down. His chest felt tight and he had to fight the tears from falling down with all he had when his mother started to talk.

"I'm sorry Dean... He is being harsh but he is right. This thing isn't good for you, you are better off without that boy." She said with a calm voice, trying to take Dean's hand but he pulled them away.

"You have noticed that I've been happier lately, I know you have. You have mentioned it to me before. I'm happier now because I have Cas. Mom, don't make me do what dad tells me to do, don't make me lose the one person who has ever made me happy." Dean lost the fight against his tears as they started to roll down his cheeks. And he lost the fight with his parents when Mary looked down and shook her head.

"You'll find someone else, some girl who will make you even happier than he ever could. You know your dad was serious, right? About sending you away. If you just break up with him we can put this all behind us. It will be okay honey, I promise." Mary said and leaned closer, trying to touch Dean's face but Dean leaned back quickly, away from his mother. He looked out of the window, not able to get a word out of his mouth. Mary sighed, leaning back in her seat. "You said you like both girls and boys. So you can choose to only date girls, no one needs to know about the other half." Dean wiped a tear from his cheek, his heart crushing into pieces inside his chest from the words coming out of his mother's mouth.

Finally, Dean stood up. He stopped at the doorway, turning to look at his mother. "You are only agreeing with him because you're afraid of what he might do if you didn't." Dean accused. The way she flinched and looked at him with wide, horrified eyes for only a second before quickly turning away confirmed Dean's words loud and clear.

He shook his head as he left the room, walking up the stairs to his room. He pressed the door closed behind him, leaning back on it and sliding down until he was sitting on the floor with his face pressed to his knees. He couldn't hold the tears back.

He cried quietly for a long time, his parents' words repeating over and over in his head. He should have listened to Cas and keep his mouth shut until they were far away from his parents. How could he have ever imagined that they would accept him the way he was? Dean chuckled bitterly, hitting his head back against the door as more tears rolled down his cheeks. He wanted to get up, go back in there and yell at his parents until they would come to their senses but he knew it wouldn't work. It would only lead to even more physical pain that Dean didn't need, his head was already hurting from crying. He didn't need bruises to show how badly this had gone.

When he was finally able to get up from the floor it was already dark outside. In the darkness of his room he pulled his phone out of his pocket, dialing Castiel's number. With shaky hands he pressed the phone to his ear and waited.

"Hey baby, what's up?" Cas's voice came through the phone. He sounded so happy that Dean almost broke down crying again. He didn't want to do this, he would give anything not to have to do this but his father had left him no other option.

"Hey, uh... Can you meet me at the playground close to your house?" Dean asked, hating the way his voice was shaking. Cas was quiet for a moment and Dean tried his best to breath normally.

"Dean, is something wrong?" Cas's voice had gone from happy to worried.

"Just... Just be there in like ten minutes and I'll tell you everything, okay?" Dean asked. He inhaled sharply as he felt another wave of tears forming behind his eyes.

"Okay, okay. I'll be there. Just, calm down, everything is going to be okay. I'll be there, I promise." Cas said. After they hung up the phone Dean took several shaky breaths before quietly exiting the room. He couldn't see anyone in the house. His parents worked early days so they were probably already asleep and it was school day tomorrow so Sam was probably finishing his homework in his room or already asleep too.

Dean took the keys to the Impala and pulled the front door closed as quietly as he could before driving away.

When he got to the parking lot of the playground he could already see Castiel sitting on one of the benches, looking towards Dean's car. As he got out of the Impala and walked closer Cas got up, taking a couple of steps towards him until they were standing in front of each other.

Even in the dim lights of the playground, Castiel could see Dean's red eyes and it was obvious to him that he had been crying a lot just moments ago.

"Dean, what's wrong?" Cas asked as he took Dean's hand, pulling him to sit down on the bench. Cas sat down next to him, still holding his hand.

"You were right Cas, I should have just listened to you." Dean shook his head and looked down, a new set of tears blurring his vision.

"About what?"

"I told them," Dean whispered, looking up at him as the tears started to fall again. "I told them about us and that I'm bi and they..." Dean couldn't finish his sentence as he broke down crying. Cas pulled him against his chest, letting him bury his face into Castiel's shirt. Dean could feel how stiff Castiel's whole body was as he waited for Dean to continue.

"What did they do Dean?" Cas sounded worried and scared. Dean slowly lifted his head up to look Castiel in the eyes.

"They gave me two options. Either I break up with you or they send me to some relatives to the other side of the country. So, either way, I'll have to leave you," Dean said quietly. The way he could see the shock and hurt on Castiel's face completely broke what was left of his heart.

"No... Dean no, you can't do as they say! No! We've been together for a year and they didn't know anything, we can just keep doing this just like we have and they never need to know. Just tell them that we broke up but please, Dean, don't leave me." Cas's voice was shaking at the end of his sentence. Dean slowly shook his head.

"It wouldn't work. My dad knows everyone here and he now knows who you are, his friends would tell him immediately if they saw us even in the same room together. It wouldn't work, not anymore. I'm so sorry I told them, Cas, I'm so sorry I did this." Dean said, gently pressing his hand on Castiel's cheek.

"Dean please, can't you just talk to them again? Or what if I come to talk to them, if they just met me--" Cas was interrupted.

"No, absolutely not! The look in my dad's eyes when he figured out who I was dating was just... I was so scared that he would run out of the house and come hurt you. It would just make things even worse. Cas, I'm sorry, I don't have any other option. I know my dad, he will do all he can to make our lives a living hell if we don't end this now." Dean said, and now Castiel was crying too, tears falling down his cheeks as he shook in Dean's hold.

"Don't leave me, Dean, you are everything to me. Please, Dean... I love you." Castiel sobbed. He took a hold of Dean's hand that was still pressed against his cheek. He turned his head to kiss Dean's palm, looking back up to him with pleading eyes.

"I love you too Cas. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. I'm so sorry I have to do this." He leaned in closer to press their lips together. Neither of them moved, they just sat there for a few seconds with their lips pressed together until Dean pulled away. "I have to go before they notice I'm gone. I'm sorry Cas."

"Dean..." Cas plead when he got up but Dean just quickly ran his hand through Castiel's hair.

"I'm so sorry. I..." he couldn't say it anymore so he just slowly turned away, walking back to his car. Cas called his name two more times but didn't try to follow and Dean didn't turn around.

When Dean got to his car he looked back to Cas and saw him leaning his elbows on his knees, his face pressed to his hands. From all the way from his car Dean was able to see the way Castiel's shoulders shook as he cried. The view broke his heart, he wanted nothing more than to run back to him, tell him that everything was okay, drive somewhere far away with him and never let him go.

But he couldn't do that and he knew it, so instead he started the engine, pulled the car off the parking lot and headed home, not looking back.


	2. Now

"I'm home!" Dean called from the door, pushing it closed with his foot as he pulled his tie loose. He put his briefcase next to the side table, throwing his keys on the small bowl on there.

"Dinner is almost ready!" Lisa called back from the kitchen.

Dean kicked his shoes off. Shrugging his suit jacket off he walked towards the kitchen where Lisa was busy cooking.

"What are we having?" he asked with a smile as he folded his jacket on the back of his chair. She turned to look at him with a smile but it faded quickly. With a frown on her face, she pointed the spatula towards Dean's jacket.

"You aren't having anything before you go put your jacket on the coat rack. Seriously, Dean, I tell you about that every other day!" she let out a frustrated sigh, making Dean chuckled. He took his jacket and went back to the hall to hang it up. When he walked into the kitchen Lisa was placing the plates on the table.

"Oh, salmon!" he rubbed his hands together, licking his lips.

"Yeah, with mashed potatoes and fresh salad," she beamed, taking off the apron she had been wearing while cooking.

Dean took the milk out of the fridge and got them both glasses while Lisa carried the salad bowl to the table. He leaned in for a quick kiss before they both sat down on their own places at the table, sitting opposite to each other.

Dean held out a plateful of homemade bread and she took a slice with a smile. They didn't buy bread pretty much ever because Dean baked it himself all the time. It was better in every way and he loved to try out different things instead of baking a basic loaf of bread every day.

"It all looks delicious, thanks, Lis," he smiled brightly. Lisa smiled back to him.

They chatted about how their day's had been while they ate, Dean told her about a hilarious "accident" that Ash had made happen at the office that day and they both laughed so much that Lisa almost fell off her chair.

They had been together for five years, married for two. Lisa was his best friend, they had met each other seven years ago and became good friends very quickly. At some point their friendship had turned into something more and now here they were, married, having dinner together in their own home like they did almost every day.

Dean was happy. Anyone would be if they married their best friend. That was partly a problem, because to him, Lisa still felt more like a best friend than a wife. A best friend that he had sex with, a best friend he lived with and shared everything with, a best friend he loved, obviously, but more as a friend than as a wife.

To anyone looking from outside their marriage probably seemed perfect. They were always happy, they were both young and good looking, they came along better than any other couple on their street but still, the main reason why Dean had married Lisa wasn't because he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. No, the main reason Dean had married her was the pressure coming from his family.

As soon as they had started dating his parents had been all over him demanding a big wedding and a pack of grandchildren. And well, Lisa was awesome. She was gentle and understanding, funny and laid back. She had a great taste in both movies _and_ music. Since Dean was doomed to play the straight apple pie life for at least as long as his father was alive, he might as well do it with Lisa.

Lisa didn't know all this. Dean had never told her that he didn't really love her in a romantic way. Sure he had feelings for her and he cared about her so much that he would do all he could to keep her safe and happy, but undying love? Yeah, he didn't feel that. She knew about Dean's sexuality, she knew about Castiel and she was completely okay with both of those things.

They had been talking about having kids. Lisa was very excited about the idea, she wanted to have kids yesterday. Of course, it would help the process if they had sex more than once a month. Dean had always preferred to be at the receiving end, not the giving, and even though it had been more than five years since the last time he had received the real thing, the giving part still hadn't grown on him. To him, sex with Lisa, or any other woman, was just okay at its best.

After being together for two years Dean had finally gathered his courage to ask Lisa if she could fuck him with a dildo. At first, she had been a little unsure about the whole idea but had eventually agreed to it. Dean had loved it, it wasn't as good as getting fucked by another man but it was close enough, and he had come in minutes after Lisa had gotten the angle and pace just right. Lisa, on the other hand, wasn't too excited about it so it had become kind of like a special treat they did for Dean every now and then, way too rarely if you asked him but it was better than nothing. At least, Dean could use the dildo alone when Lisa wasn't home but he still missed the way other men could manhandle him, keep him still while they fucked him into the mattress. They had tried that with Lisa, her holding him down but it didn't feel the same. Lisa was so tiny and just knowing that he could easily push her away killed the vibe.

The next day when Dean got back from work Lisa wasn't home. Dean worked in Lisa's father's marketing company, a job he had only gotten because he happened to be married to the man's daughter. Dean was responsible for the customer connections, he was the one who got new customers to the company and kept the old ones happy. His job was mostly just going from meeting to meeting with the heads of different companies. The job was okay, not his dream job but it paid well and since he had great social skills he was on the first name basis with practically all their customers. Meetings often consisted of ten minutes of talking business followed by half an hour of joking around. Dean kept the customers happy, he was good at that.

Lisa worked at a clothing store and that day she was on the evening shift. Dean changed into jeans and a t-shirt before heading to the kitchen. There was a note on the fridge.

_"Hey babe, could you go grocery shopping? I made you a list :) -Lis"_

Dean lifted the magnet that was holding down the piece of paper and read through the list. Was Lisa planning on feeding half of the town or why the hell would they need that much food? Dean folded the note into his pocket before heading to his car.

                                                          

"milk, eggs, flour... Still need kale..." Dean mumbled to himself as he stood in the middle of one of the aisles reading his list with a half full shopping cart next to him.

"Dean?" An unfamiliar voice came from his left, making Dean turn his head up. There was a dark-haired man standing next to him, looking at him with wide blue eyes.

_Those eyes..._

Dean swallowed air as his face went pale.

"Cas?" He croaked, his stomach suddenly feeling empty.

"Yeah, it's me. This is ah... Woah. How are you, I haven't seen you since..." Cas's smile faded down as he remembered the last time they had properly met.

Dean was going through a million different emotions at once. He didn't know what to do or say or how to even breathe anymore.

"I'm... I'm good. I'm fine. How are you here? I heard you moved away right after high school," Dean asked while trying to pretend like he wasn't freaking out.

"I moved back just last week, I got a job as a preschool teacher. My brother moved back here a year ago so he helped me to get the job. I didn't... I didn't know you still live here." Cas said, looking down to his feet. When he looked back up he noticed something. "Oh, you are married?" he pointed to the ring on Dean's finger.

Dean lifted his left hand a little to look at the ring like he had forgotten it was there.

"Yeah, I am. We are planning on having kids too." Dean said, trying to force a smile on his face but it didn't work. Cas looked at him with a slightly surprised expression but then he smiled.

"I'm happy for you Dean, that sounds great," he sounded genuine.

"So how about you, you with someone?" Dean asked. He wasn't even sure why, it was none of his business.

"No. I actually just recently broke up with umh.. Yeah, turned out he wasn't as a good guy as he first seemed to be." Cas chuckled, rubbing his neck awkwardly.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Cas. Umm... I think I need to get going, Lisa should be home soon and she is probably hungry." Dean chuckled nervously, taking a grip of his shopping cart.

Lisa wouldn't be home in hours but Cas didn't need to know that. Dean felt awkward and... There was something he couldn't quite place. He had gotten over Cas years ago so what was this feeling that was making his stomach twist? He was over him, right? After all, they had been together just one year in high school and it had ended badly. Maybe Dean had eaten something bad today and that's why his stomach was forming knots, crushing all the tiny butterflies spreading their wings in there.

"Dean, maybe we could... Get coffee or something some day? Just as friends of course," Cas asked before Dean was able to escape the situation. Cas was biting his lower lip. _So he still had that nervous habit._ That's a fun little trivia fact that Dean did not need to know.

"Cas I... I don't think that's a good idea." Dean looked down to his cart.

"Oh. Okay, yeah. Sorry I asked. Have a great... Yeah." And then Cas was turning on his heels and walking away so quickly that Dean was left wondering if he had even been there at all.

He forgot to buy kale.

On his way home Dean couldn't stop thinking about Castiel. He had grew up handsome. He had been really good looking when they were eighteen but time had done nothing but a service to him. Now Castiel looked like a man with a capital M, his eyes still just as bright and captivating as they had been ten years ago. His voice had gotten deeper and rougher, just thinking about it send shivers down Dean's back.

He thought about the way Castiel bit his lip when he asked him out for a coffee. He thought about the way Castiel had bit his lip when he gave that bracelet to him on their first and only anniversary. He remembered the way Cas had bit his lip right before they kissed for the very first time, the way he had bit his lip when they were losing their virginity to each other few weeks after their first kiss.

Suddenly it felt a lot hotter in the car. Dean rolled down the driver's window and tried to push the pictures of naked eighteen years old Castiel out of his mind, but all he managed to replace those with were imagines of how 28 years old Castiel would look naked.

That night when Lisa got home Dean was waiting for her in the bedroom. He had pulled the strap-on dildo out from the box they kept it in, the toy laying next to Dean on the bed.

"Lisa, please. Could you...?" he asked almost shyly. Lisa sighed deeply as she sat down next to him.

"I don't really feel like it tonight Dean, I'm already pretty tired," she took his hand.

"Lis, please. I really need this right now. Please," Dean tried to give her his best puppy eyes but Lisa didn't fall into that anymore.

"Dean, we agreed on trying to have a baby. I can't get pregnant if I fuck your ass with a rubber dick." Lisa sighed annoyed and got up from the bed. Dean watched as she walked out of the room.

He turned to look at the toy on the bed. If he'd be quiet he could use it alone after Lisa had fallen asleep.

                                                            

The next morning Dean was still a little shaken about running into Castiel all of a sudden. He had thought he'd never see him again but now they were suddenly living in the same town again. He couldn't stop thinking about him, not sure why. It might have had something to do with the fact that Castiel was the only person he had ever truly loved, who had made him happier than anyone else ever had.

Yeah, it might be about that.

After they had broken up all those years ago Dean had been alone for a long time. He had hoped that something, anything would happen that would change the situation and they could get back together but then high school had ended, Castiel moved away and nothing ever happened, Dean never got Castiel back.

After Cas was gone Dean got a habit of driving to some bigger nearby city for Friday night just to find someone to fuck him. With a face like Dean's, it wasn't a hard task. He did that once or twice a month, just drove somewhere where no one knew him and got some random guy to fuck him, just because he wanted back that feeling he had had while having sex with Castiel, but no one came even close to that. Meaningless, nameless sex soon just made him feel worse and he stopped after about a year.

He went over a year being single, being intimate just with his right hand and a dildo he had ordered online. He often thought about Castiel while masturbating, the way he had always been so loving and gentle even when they had been going fast and rough. Cas had always been there to make sure Dean was alright afterwards. No matter how roughly Cas had fucked him into the mattress Dean had always felt loved with him, and that was the feeling he had been chasing ever since he had to leave Castiel, and that's the feeling he had never gotten back with anyone.

Not even Lisa.


	3. I keep running into you

"Hey Dean, what's up?" Sam answered the phone sounding a little breathless.

"Um... Did I call at a bad time?" Dean asked because the way Sam was panting sounded like he was in the middle of something that Dean did not want to hear his little brother doing.

Sam laughed to the phone. "No no, just got back home from a run with Bones, literally the second we got inside you called."

"I bet you are panting more than the dog." Dean mocked.

"And when was the last time you went on a run?" Sam shot back.

_Touché._

"Shut up Sammy!" Dean barked back at him.

Sam burst out laughing.

"So did you actually have something to tell me or?" he asked.

"Yeah! Yeah, we haven't seen in a while, maybe we should hang out this weekend? Grill some burgers, drinks some beers and catch up?" Dean suggested.

He missed his brother. He also really wanted to talk about Castiel because back in the day, Sam was the only one in Dean's family who knew about their relationship and sometimes hang out with them. Sam and Castiel had been friends and he had been sad too when Dean broke up with Cas. Dean wasn't sure if Sam would remember Castiel anymore but that didn't matter. Dean really needed to talk about all these weird feelings that had been turning and twisting his insides ever since he met Cas in the grocery store three days ago.

"Yeah sure, sounds great! Can you come to our place? Take Lisa with you?"

"Yeah, I can come. But uh, I'll probably come alone, I mean Lisa has an evening shift on Friday and she is usually tired when she gets home and doesn't want to come anyway so--" Dean made an excuse but Sam interrupted him.

"So you want to talk about something you don't want her to hear? What have you done?" Sam asked with a tight voice, sounding a lot like their father all of a sudden.

"No! I haven't done anything. But yeah, I need to talk about something..." Dean admitted.

"Okay... Do I need to throw Jess out so she doesn't hear your dirty little secrets? What about Bones, can she stay?" Sam asked with a slightly mocking voice that irritated Dean a lot more than it should.

"Fuck you, Sammy! I really need to talk to you about something before I completely freak out so could you just stop making fun of me and shut up? And yes it would be convenient if Jess happened to have some girls night out or some shit that night. Thank you very much for asking," Dean grumbled to the phone.

"Okay, I'll ask her if she can go somewhere or something, but I'm not promising anything! If she doesn't want to leave her own home then she isn't going, I can't force her out," Sam said, now sounding like their mom. God, did Sam ever sound like Sam anymore?

"Yeah, I know. Thanks for doing this. I'll come by around six, is that okay?" Dean asked with a calmer voice than before.

"Yeah, that's great! See you on Friday, try not to freak out about whatever it is before that!" Sam said before hanging up the phone.

Sam had always been the one who Dean turned to when he had something on his mind. Dean didn't know how his little brother could possibly be so smart, it was like he had all the answers to every single problem Dean had ever had, and Sam always knew what to say to make Dean feel better. It was like having an awesome, free therapist just a phone call away.

Sam was wrong about one thing, though. Dean did run, he ran plenty! It just might have been some time since the last time he went on a run but now was a great time to start again. He was feeling good and energetic, the weather was nice too so why not. Getting some fresh air would help him clear his mind so it was decided, Dean was going on a run!

He changed into his running gear and dig up his running shoes from the closet. They were surprisingly deep in there but he didn't think too much about that, he and Lisa pushed all kinds of stuff into that closet all the time so the things packed up pretty quickly.

Finally, he was ready to go. As he stepped outside he inhaled deeply, getting his lungs full of fresh air and started jogging.

He turned right at the end of their driveway and ran past the neighborhood. There was a great running route not too far away from their home, it went through the woods for several miles with smaller paths where you could get in and out of the bigger route. He headed there.

After jogging for ten minutes he was breathing hard. The weather was nice, maybe even too nice because the air felt hot and heavy in his lungs. His chest started to hurt a little. He didn't want to stop though so he kept on jogging, trying to even out his breath.

Five more minutes later his legs were practically screaming but he pushed forward. Suddenly he stepped on something, not sure if it was a rock or a branch or what, but he didn't really care. Stepping on it made his leg twist a little and his shin hurt like hell. Dean stopped and lifted his leg up.

"Shit shit shit shit shit!" he grumbled to himself as he jumped on one leg, holding the other with his hands. Finally, he had to sit down on the side of the route to try to massage the leg.

It hurt like hell but he knew nothing was broken, it had just twisted a little. Stupid Sam for making fun of him for not running! Without his snarky comments, Dean would be at home watching a movie or making dinner, not dying on the empty running route.

"Dean? Are you okay?" Came a voice from behind him.

_Shit, not him._

Dean turned to look over his shoulder. His fear was confirmed.

It was Cas. Out of all people who ran the route all the time it had to be Cas. Dean sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Yes, Cas, I'm good. Keep running," Dean said, turning back to his leg. Instead of doing like Dean told him to Cas stopped next to him.

"You sure? 'Cause you don't look okay," he pointed out.

"Thanks," Dean snapped, giving him a quick glare.

"What happened?" Cas asked. He picked up his water bottle from his running belt and took a swig, then offering the bottle to Dean who just shook his head as a response.

"I don't know, I stepped on something and twisted my leg. I'll be good in five minutes," he finally turned to properly look at Cas and, okay, that was the worst decision ever. Cas was sweaty, still panting, his hair pointing up to where he had pushed it out of his face, his dark t-shirt was clinging to his body. He might as well have been naked because Dean could see every little bump and dip of his muscles through the wet t-shirt. Dean was glad that his face was already red from the running because otherwise Cas could see the way he blushed when he was finally able to look away from him.

"You look like you could need some help. Here, let me help you up," Cas attached his water bottle back to the belt before holding out a hand for Dean to grab. Dean hesitated for a moment but eventually took a hold of his hand.

Cas pulled him up quickly. Dean wasn't completely prepared for Cas's strength which led to him ending up smashed against Castiel's chest, his other hand pressed against Castiel's stomach.

For a second they stared at each other from so close that their noses were almost touching and Dean was too scared to even breathe. He could feel Cas's muscles under his palm, their bodies pressed together practically from head to toe. Their hands were still holding each others'.

Dean had almost forgotten how beautiful Castiel's eyes were up close. Seeing them this close made him feel like he could drown in them for the rest of his life.

Involuntarily his eyes flicked down to Castiel's lips. They were still just as plump and kissable as they had been ten years ago. Dean licked his own lips, looking back up to Castiel's eyes.

Suddenly something pulled him back to reality and he realized what he was doing. He quickly pulled away, almost falling back down as he stepped back.

"Thanks, Cas, I'm good now. You can go," Dean said as he looked down to the ground. His heart was beating like crazy and it had nothing to do with the running.

"Are you sure? Does your leg still hurt?" Castiel asked. He took a small step closer, lifting his hand like he was about to press it on Dean's shoulder but Dean stepped to his side, dodging the hand. He shot an angry glare at him.

"Yes Cas, I'm sure. Now go, I don't need your fucking help!" Dean barked out.

Castiel flinched at the sudden change in Dean's behavior. He quickly pulled his hand back to his side and looked at Dean with an annoyed expression on his face.

"All right. Sorry for trying to help you when you looked like you needed it. Won't happen again," Cas said before he turned his back to Dean and started running again.

Dean watched as he ran away, only checking his ass very quickly. It was still great. But that wasn't what mattered right now! Dean had gone running to get Castiel out of his mind, then all this shit had happened. Now he was even more messed up, and he had a hurting leg. Fucking awesome.

Dean couldn't run anymore. He took the next path out of the road and walked straight home, stepping carefully on his hurting leg.

When he got inside he went to get some ice, pushed it in a small bag. He sat down on the couch, pressing the ice bag on his leg.

He leaned back and rubbed his face with both hands. He had been unnecessarily rude to Castiel, he felt bad about it. It wasn't Castiel's fault that Dean had hurt his leg and that they just happened to be on the route at the same time.

It definitely wasn't Castiel's fault either that apparently ten years wasn't enough for Dean to get over him because Dean couldn't deny the feeling he had gotten today while they had been pressed up against each other.

Dean had wanted to kiss him so bad. He had wanted to rip his stupid sweaty clothes off of him and have his way with him right there on the route.

Shit, this was bad, this was really bad.

The front door opened and Lisa called out for him from the hallway. Dean looked up over the back of the couch.

"In the living room!" he called. Soon Lisa's head popped out from behind the corner.

"Hey, what are you doing?" She smiled at him as she walked to the room. Her face fell when she reached the back of the couch and saw the ice bag on Dean's leg. "What happened?" She asked worried, walking around the couch to get a better look.

"It's nothing, I went on a run and twisted it a little. I'll just have to let it rest for tonight and it'll be as good as new tomorrow." Dean smiled at her but she still looked at him with a furrowed brow.

"Does it hurt?" She asked as she took a hold of Dean's leg, bending his knee. She lifted the leg enough so she could sit down on the couch. She gently lowered the leg down on her lap, putting the ice bag back on top of it.

"A little, yeah. But I don't think anything is broken, it just needs rest. And maybe a little massage," Dean added, shooting a pleading look with a little pout to her. She just snorted and rolled her eyes but started to gently massage his leg anyway.

"Why were you even running? I haven't seen you run in years," Lisa asked. Dean looked up to her.

"Hey, I run! Sometimes... I called Sam and he made fun of me for not running anymore so I decided to go. Then this happened and--" Dean cut himself off but it was too late, Lisa had already heard from his voice that he was about to say something more.

"And what?" Lisa asked, gently pressing her small thumbs to the hurting muscle on Dean's leg. Dean sighed, considering if he should tell her who he met and what happened. He couldn't hide it from Lisa, at least not everything.

"I hurt my leg and out of nowhere Cas was there helping me up. He offered to help me but I told him I could manage on my own," Dean spoke quietly. He glanced at Lisa who was looking confused.

"Cas who?" She asked. Oh, she didn't even remember him even though Dean had told her quite much about him over the years. It had been a long time since the last time they had talked about him and she had never actually met him so Dean shouldn't be that surprised she didn't remember him.

"Cas. Castiel. You know, my ah..." Dean swallowed. Before he could continue Lisa's eyes widened in realization.

"Your ex Cas? What was he doing there?"

"Yeah. I don't know, running? He uh, he's moved back to town. I ran into him at the store a few days ago." Dean told her, looking down to his own hands resting on his lap.

"And you didn't tell me!" Lisa slapped him on the leg. On the hurting one.

"Ow! What was I supposed to say? _Hey, babe, my ex gay lover is back in town and he asked me to go get coffee with him?"_ He glared at Lisa. He wasn't sure if she was really upset or just joking.

"He asked you out?" her eyes widened.

"No! He asked me to get coffee with him, just as friends. He wanted to catch up or something, I don't know. But I said no!" Lisa seemed to relax a little at that and she leaned back on the couch.

"Okay. So are you going to keep seeing him now that he is back in town?" Lisa asked and yep, that was definitely jealousy in her voice.

"What do you mean _keep seeing him?_ I haven't been seeing him, I have just randomly ran into him twice since last Monday!" Dean rolled his eyes. "And like I said, I declined that coffee offer too so I'm not planning on seeing him at all!"

"Okay, good. Good. Have you eaten? I could make us something?" She changed the subject. Dean nodded.

"Yeah, I could eat."

They smiled at each other and Dean pulled his leg up to let Lisa off the couch. She took the mostly melted ice bag with her, telling him that she would get him a new one.

Just minutes later she came back, handing Dean a fresh ice pack. She pressed a quick kiss to his hair.

Dean smiled as he watched her disappear into the kitchen. When he couldn't see her anymore he turned to look down at his leg, sighing deeply. A second later his phone vibrated with a text message from Sam.  
Apparently Jess had agreed to leave the house on Friday only if she got a big box of Dean's brownies. He chuckled as he typed a message back, telling Sam that Jess had herself a deal.

                                         

By Friday Dean's leg wasn't hurting anymore but he still wouldn't be running again anytime soon. He parked his car on the side of the road in front of Sam and Jess's house. Just as he stepped out of the car Jess walked out of the house.

"Oh, hi Dean! You are just in time, I was just leaving so you two can have your man talk in peace," She smiled brightly.

"Sorry about that," Dean said, making an apologetic face at her but she just waved him off.

"Don't worry about it, I got my sister to go visit, I've been planning on going to see her and her kids for a long time. You just gave me a great excuse to leave Sam alone for the weekend." She said, winking at him.

"Hey, I heard that!" Sam yelled from the porch with fake annoyance but he was smiling brightly.

"Oops! So, got anything for me?" Jess grinned at Dean. He picked up the box of freshly made brownies from the passenger seat. She rubbed her hands together excitedly before grabbing the box from Dean. "I swear to god, these are my biggest weakness," She smiled.

Waving a goodbye to the brothers she jumped into her car and drove away.

"Did you bring beer?" Sam asked.

"Is water wet?" Dean answered as he opened the back door of the car and pulled two six packs from the backseat, holding them up so that Sam could see them. Sam gave him a thumbs up.

"Awesome. Go around to the back, we need to get the grill ready," Sam told him before going back inside. Dean decided to move his car to the empty spot on the driveway now that Jess's car would be gone all weekend. The neighborhood was good but he still didn't like leaving his baby on the side of the road, she was safer on their driveway.

When Dean got around the house to the back yard Sam had already fired up the grill.

"Moved the car to safety?" Sam asked with a slightly mocking voice, lifting an eyebrow.

"Yeah, she deserves the best."

He put the beers on the table, pulling out two bottles, opening them both.

"You are spoiling her. Be careful, soon she'll insist on you buying her a ring," Sam joked as Dean handed him a beer.

"Maybe I should, after all, I've been riding her for years," Dean winked, making them both burst out laughing.

"So, what did you want to talk about?"

Dean stiffened immediately at the question.

"Oh no, I need a few more of these before we can jump into that mess," he held up his bottle.

"Okay, whatever you say. The grill needs to heat up for a moment, let's go prepare the burgers," Sam gestured for Dean to follow him inside. They both carried one of the six packs inside to put the beers in the fridge.

After three beers, two burgers and Sam's homemade fries, which were unbelievable by the way, Dean was ready to open the curtain to the reason he had needed to talk to Sam in the first place.

"So, Cas is back in town," He said right before taking another sip of his beer. Sam turned to look at him slowly with wide eyes.

"Cas? As in _Cas_ Cas?" he asked confused.

"Well, how many Castiel's do you know? Yes, _Cas_ Cas," Dean put his beer down on the table.

They were sitting on the patio on the back of the house where Sam and Jess had a nice little garden and a fancy patio furniture set. The chairs were actually really comfortable but Dean wasn't going to mention that now.

"Have you met him?" Sam asked carefully.

"Yeah. I first ran into him last Monday in the grocery store. Or he ran into me, I didn't see him at all before he talked to me. And then on Wednesday, I went running, hurt my leg and suddenly he was there helping me up."

"You went running?" Sam asked with an amused tone. Dean's head snapped up as he turned to look at him.

"Yes, Sam, that was exactly the part I wanted you to focus on, thank you!"

Sam quickly lifted his hand as an apology. "Sorry, sorry. So, he is back. Is that bad?"

Dean looked at him for a moment without saying anything. Then his eyes flickered to his right, then back to Sam.

"Yeah, it's bad," he whispered, shuffling slightly on his seat. Suddenly the chair didn't feel so comfortable anymore.

"Why? You haven't seen him or heard about him in ten years," Sam's brow furrowed when he tried to make any kind of sense of why this was so hard for Dean.

"Because I... I don't know. I just feel like I've..." he picked up his bottle again to take a small sip before continuing, "this is going to sound horrible considering that I'm married, but I feel like I've never had anything like I had with Cas, not even with Lisa. I'm starting to feel like maybe he was the one for me, you know. Like a, I don't know, a fucking soul mate or something," he chuckled, shaking his head, "you'd think one would get over their high school sweetheart in ten years after an ugly break-up but nope. The moment I saw him in that store I felt like... I don't even know what I felt. Sad and happy at the same time? Scared and at peace? Nauseous because my stomach was doing flips from both happiness and nervousness. Then he was on that running route looking like a fucking sex god and suddenly I was pressed against him and I just--" Dean talked quickly until Sam interrupted him.

"You wanted that dick!" Sam said loudly, smirking knowingly.

"Sam! Shut up. Yes, I wanted that dick, wanted it so bad. But that wasn't what I was going to say!" He glared at his brother, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Sorry, do continue," Sam gestured with his hand for him to go on.

"I snapped. Suddenly I was yelling at him, telling him to just keep running and leave me alone. I was fucking rude while all he tried to do was help me. I just got so scared of my own feelings, how strong they still were towards him. I just had to get him to go away before I would have done something really stupid. Now he probably hates me even more than before and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not," he sighed and took a long swig, putting the empty bottle back down on the table.

"Well, maybe it's good. I mean like, if you don't want to be around him, now you don't need to worry about him coming to talk to you, right?" Sam reasoned.

Dean shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. But on the other hand, I really want to be around him. Like really close. Really, really close to him. But of course, I can't," Dean slid down on his seat a little.

"Yeah you were right, that's pretty bad. Does Lisa know he's back in town?"

"I told her. She didn't take it too well at first but I assured her that she didn't need to worry about anything," he rubbed a hand over his forehead.

"So you lied to her."

Dean looked back up at him with guilty, pleading eyes. "Please don't tell her."

"Of course not, not my business to tell her anything," Sam nodded.

"Thanks, Sammy."

"Shit, you should start paying me for these therapy sessions, shit's getting pretty deep," Sam joked, chuckling before taking another sip of his beer. Dean snorted.

"Yeah, I should. But I won't. Hey, at least I brought beer so you won't have to listen to my whining while sober," he nodded his head towards the bottle in Sam's hand. "I'm getting a refill, you need a new one?" Dean asked as he got up. Sam turned his bottle upside down as a sign that it was empty too and he would very much like another one.

Soon Dean got back carrying two bottles. He opened them both before handing Sam his and sitting back down on his chair.

"Do you know why he is back?" Sam asked. Dean looked up to him from where he had been staring at his bottle.

"Huh? Oh, Cas? Yeah, he said he got a job as a preschool teacher or something. His brother moved back some time earlier and got him the job," Dean explained. Sam straightened up at that.

"His brother? Which one?" Sam asked, obviously trying to sound less curious than he really was. Dean looked at him confused for a moment before answering.

"I don't know, I didn't ask. Why? Have you been banging one of the Novak brothers too or what?" Dean asked only half-jokingly.

"No! No no, nothing like that. I uhh... I was good friends with his brother Gabriel back in the day, I was just wondering if maybe it was him," Sam shifted a little, looking down to his hands.

"Oh! You've been banging one of the Novak brothers, haven't you Sammy!" Dean grinned at him.

"No, I didn't bang anyone from that family! There... There might have been some drunken kissing one night but that was all, I swear!" Sam was so defensive that Dean couldn't hold down his laughter.

"Oh my god Sammy, really? With Gabriel? When the hell did that happen and why haven't I ever heard of this before?"

"Well you were too busy actually banging one of the brothers to notice anything and I don't know, it was a weird experience so I never told anyone about it..." Sam shifted on his seat even more.

"Relax Sammy, I don't judge and I won't tell your dirty little secret to anyone. I know how irresistible the Novak brothers can be." He winked at his brother who just rolled his eyes.

Dean ended up spending the night in the guest room because Sam didn't like him driving drunk. He insisted that Dean would sleep it off and head back home the next morning. By the time they were done drinking and talking Dean was already so tired that he didn't even try to argue with his brother. He texted Lisa, letting her know that he was okay and would be back home the first thing in the morning.

                                         

When Dean got home around twelve with only slightly hungover Lisa was in the kitchen packing a cooler with drinks and snacks, wearing just her bikinis.

"Where are you going?" Dean asked as he rubbed his temples.

" _We_ are going to the beach. It's a beautiful day, I have the weekend off and I don't want to waste it indoors. Could you go get our sunscreen and change your clothes to something more beach appropriate so we can go?" She smiled brightly at him, pulling some more drinks from their fridge.

Dean groaned lightly as he walked to the medicine cabinet. He dug through it until he found the painkillers. He popped two into his mouth and washed them down with a tall glass of water. When he looked back to Lisa she was staring at him with an _'I'm waiting'_ look on her face, her arms crossed over her chest.

"Okay, okay I'll go. Chill," Dean groaned, walking out of the kitchen towards their bedroom. A few minutes later he came back wearing shorts and a t-shirt, carrying the sunscreen in one hand and two big towels in the other one. "Okay, I'm ready."

Lisa picked up the cooler.

"Great, let's go!" She said with a chirpy voice. She smiled widely when Dean opened the front door for her.

They took the impala to the big lake nearby. The beach was big, there was a lot of people there already. Kids playing in the shallow water, adults sitting on towels chatting with the other parents.

They found a nice spot on the grass a little further away from the sand line. They probably weren't going to swim anyway so they decided to settle down to the area where there weren't that many people around. There were no free spots on the sand and the noise coming from the kids playing in the water was loud as hell.

Lisa pulled off the t-shirt and shorts she had put on for the drive, handing the sunscreen to Dean. She didn't have to say anything, he knew what she wanted. He started to smear the lotion on her skin.

He was aware of a group of men walking past them and settling down on a spot close to them but he was too busy helping his wife to even look at them. Still something made him look up just as one of the guys pulled off his shirt and turned around so that Dean could see his face.

Dean's hands stopped on Lisa's upper back at the sight of shirtless Castiel standing just a few feet from him. Cas wasn't looking in his direction so he probably hadn't noticed them yet.

"Dean? Why did you stop?" Lisa asked as she held her hair up out of the way. Dean snapped back to this world and continued massaging the lotion into Lisa's skin.

"Sorry, I saw a dog in the distance, thought it was Bones but I don't think it was her," Dean said, patting his back mentally for coming up with a believable lie so quickly.

"Where?" Lisa looked up and around them for the dog.

"It went somewhere already," Dean gestured towards the area where there were more bushes and trees that could easily hide a dog or two. Lisa just shrugged, letting her head fall back forward as Dean continued on his task.

Dean looked at Castiel from over Lisa's shoulder. As Castiel sat down on his towel he looked around the area until finally their eyes met. The big smile on Castiel's lips died down immediately as he recognized him and Dean could see him swallowing nervously. They stared at each other for a few seconds until Castiel turned back to his friends. They didn't even wave or nod a hello to each other, nothing. Just a quick look, then right into pretending the other one wasn't even there.

Dean finished rubbing the lotion on Lisa's back. She laid down on the towel on her stomach, telling Dean to turn her over in thirty minutes. With a chuckle Dean promised to do just that. Lisa closed her eyes, humming quietly as she enjoyed the warm summer day.

Dean, on the other hand, couldn't relax. He tried not to look at Cas but couldn't help his eyes traveling back to the man again and again.

Who were those guys he was hanging out with anyway? Was Cas dating one of them? Did he have something going on with them?

It was ridiculous, Dean was at the beach with his _wife_ but he still felt jealous seeing Castiel joking and laughing, obviously having a great time with a group of guys. Pretty good looking guys actually.

As he kept staring at him he noticed Cas glancing back at him every now and then. He didn't know exactly why he did it but the next time Cas looked at him Dean held his gaze, slowly pulling his t-shirt off and tossing it to the side. He saw Castiel's eyes widen a little at the sight. Dean smirked and winked at him.  
Castiel quickly turned back to his friends after that, but just less than a minute later his eyes were back on Dean, traveling up and down his bare chest.

Dean would be lying if he said that Castiel's hungry look didn't turn him on because it did, big time. He was getting hard in his loose fitting shorts. He very subtly tried to adjust himself so that his boner wouldn't be visible at a beach full of kids. People have gone to jail for less. No one seemed to notice the way Dean hid his boner. No one but Castiel, who's eyes were blown with lust.

Dean was nearby panicking at that moment. All he wanted to do was walk up to Cas, get them both out of the rest of their clothes as quickly as possible and let Cas do whatever he wanted to him.

There were just these tiny little things stopping him, like the fact that they were on a beach full of people and Dean was there with his wife. But staying under Castiel's gaze was too much, he had to get away _right now._

"I'm gonna go take a piss," Dean whispered to Lisa who just nodded lightly. He wasn't even sure if she was fully awake anymore. He adjusted his pants again before getting up, quickly walking towards the small changing booths lined up at the end of the beach area.

He walked past them all the way to the very last one where no one could see him, leaning his forehead against the wooden wall of the booth.

"Dean," A rough, breathless voice came from behind him.

Dean quickly turned around only to find Cas standing way too close to him, staring him deep into the eyes with a stone cold look on his face. He looked almost angry. Dean dared a quick look down and couldn't help but notice the way Castiel's shorts were tenting up too. So he wasn't the only one with that problem.

"Cas, what the hell are you doing?" Dean asked, his back pressed to the wall behind him.

"I could ask you the same thing. First you practically tell me that you want nothing to do with me and now you are stripping in front of me?" Cas spoke with a deep, quiet voice that sent shivers down Dean's back.

"I wasn't stripping for you, I just took my shirt off. If you haven't noticed it's pretty damn hot out here," Dean pointed out. Cas quickly looked down on Dean's body, licking his lips.

"Yes, I've noticed. You held a very strong eye contact while taking off your shirt so you can stop pretending like you weren't doing that to tease me," he leaned even closer to Dean.

Dean was getting breathless and the half naked, very hard, in so many senses, Castiel breathing on his face wasn't helping him getting his boner down. He felt trapped between Castiel's body and the wall but instead of scaring him or making him anxious it turned him on even more. It reminded him of all those times Cas had fucked him against a wall, holding him up in his arms while pounding into him. He didn't manage to stop the small whimper from escaping his lips. Castiel visibly flinched at that.

"Dean, my self-control is wearing really thin right now," Castiel growled to his ear, making Dean shiver even though he was sweating in the heat.

"Cas, my wife is right there," Dean nodded his head towards where they had come from.

Castiel took a deep, shaky breath and closed his eyes tightly. Dean noticed how his hands curled up into tight fists on his sides, so tight his knuckles went white. Castiel breathed out as he took a long step backward. He opened his eyes to look Dean in the eyes.

"Could you put your shirt back on?" He sounded calmer than before but Dean could still hear the slight tremor in his voice.

"Only if you can do the same."

"Yeah, okay. I need to... walk this off." Castiel gestured to his crotch.

"Yeah, me too," Dean shook his head.

"I suggest we do that as far away from each other as possible."

"Yeah, sounds good. I'll go that way." Dean pointed right in front of him. He pushed himself off from the wall and started walking, not looking back.

He was so fucking screwed.


	4. I'm so sorry

Dean never told Lisa about Cas being at the beach at the same time with them because there was absolutely nothing about that that he could tell. Even saying the they nodded a quick hello would be a lie. So he decided not to lie and just not tell her anything about what happened while she had been napping.

When he was home alone again one evening he called Sam.

"Hi Dean," Sam answered after just two rings.

"Sam, it's bad, it's even worse than I thought before!" Dean almost yelled to the phone immediately.

"What? What is?" Sam sounded very confused.

"Castiel! It's horrible. We met on the beach last weekend, and we were practically seconds away from jumping each other's bones right there in the middle of all those families! I could barely control myself and he told me the same thing. Lisa was there too and I... I almost didn't care. I almost pulled Cas into the changing booth and let him-" He was freaking out, talking so fast he was barely able to breathe.

"Okay, wow, yeah I get it, thank you very much!" Sam rushed to interrupt him. "Just try to calm down, take a deep breath and let's think about this," he spoke in a calming voice.

Dean breathed deeply in and out a couple of times.

"Good, you feel any better now?" his brother asked.

"Nu-uh." Dean shook his head fast even though Sam couldn't see him.

"So, let's repeat what we already know. Cas is back in town and hotter than ever. You are losing your shit over it and you were practically rubbing your boners together at the beach just a couple of days ago." Sam listed.

"Sam, not helping!"

"Oh, sorry. My bad. Moving on! I've been thinking what you said last Friday, that you never really got over him, that you have never had anything like what you had with Cas with anyone else, not even Lisa. Dean, are you happy with her?" Sam asked suddenly.

Dean stayed quiet for a couple of seconds before answering.

"Yeah, I am."

"Are you happy as in _spending_ _the_ _rest_ _of_ _my_ _life_ _with_ _you_ happy?"

It took even longer for Dean to answer.

"No," he finally breathed out. It felt horrible to say it out loud but it was the truth. He couldn't lie to Sam about anything, not even this.

"Okay. Well, tell me, why can't you just divorce Lisa and get back together with Castiel?" Sam asked like it was the easiest thing to do.

"You know why!" Dean snapped at him.

"No, I actually don't."

"You know why Cas and I broke up in the first place. Dad would fucking kill me if I'd leave her to get back together with Cas!" Dean spoke a little too loudly on the phone but he didn't care. He was pissed and frustrated. Anyone would be in his situation.

"Dean, you are almost thirty years old! You don't need to listen to dad anymore about anything. I haven't listened to him in years and it has really improved my happiness and lifted up my will to live," Sam's voice was tight the way it got when he was annoyed. "Fuck dad and his outdated opinions, who gives a shit what dad thinks! You don't need to live an unhappy life just because it's a life dad wants you to live. You can do whatever you want, Dean, and you can be with whoever you want to be with, and dad has absolutely nothing to say to that." He waited Dean to say something but when he didn't Sam sighed and continued, "Please Dean, don't waste your life in a marriage where you aren't happy when happiness is so close to you." Dean had to admit that he had a point.

He thought about for a moment, chewing on his bottom lip until he sighed, letting his head fall forward.

"I couldn't do that to Lisa. She is so excited about having kids, it would break her heart if I'd leave her now," he rubbed a hand across his forehead a little too roughly.

"So, what, you'll have kids with her, and then ten or twenty years later you wake up and realize you hate your life and _then_ leave her? She isn't pregnant yet, she can still find someone else who truly loves her and wants to spend the rest of their life with her. Dean, you divorcing Lisa and getting back with Cas would have nothing but a positive impact on everyone," Sam paused, "well not on dad but like I said his opinion doesn't matter. Really Dean, think about it. Think about what you really want in life and go for it. Getting a divorce isn't the end of the world," his tone was calm but Dean still wasn't sure. On some level he knew Sam was right, Sam was always right, but Dean felt like he couldn't do it to Lisa. He felt like he would destroy her world if he would walk away from her life.

"I'll think about it. Thanks, Sam. Still not going to pay you, though," Dean chuckled at the end. He heard Sam laughing lightly too at the other end of the line.

"Okay. I hope you get this all sorted out. You know you can call me whenever you need someone to talk to, right?" Sam asked. Dean nodded until he realized Sam couldn't see him.

"Yeah, I know. Thanks, Sammy. See you later, okay?"

After hanging up Dean put his phone down on the table with shaky hands and leaned on the edge of it. He breathed in and out slowly for a minute before he straightened back up. He thought about Sam's words. _Think about what you really want in life and go for it._

What Dean really wanted was Cas. Cas was the only one he had ever really wanted. He sighed and rolled his head from side to side.

This was going to be hard.

The next day Dean was on a grocery run when he turned the corner at the end of the aisle, pretty much walking into Cas, literally. Cas looked up at him with wide eyes.

"Oh, sorry. I'll go that way," Cas awkwardly pointed to Dean's right. He had already taken a couple of steps past him when Dean opened his mouth. 

"Cas, wait!"

Cas immediately stopped in his tracks and slowly turned to look at him. Dean took a step closer to him. "I just wanted to apologize for being a total dick back there at the running route. I know you were just trying to help, it's just... " Dean swallowed, quickly glancing down before gathering the courage to look back up into Cas's eyes. "Seeing you after all this time was kind of, still is, overwhelming and I... Well, I guess I kind of freaked out a little. I'm sorry for being rude. And thanks for helping me."

Cas stared at him with a surprised expression on his face. He blinked a couple of times before answering.

"Oh. I uh... I understand," he rubbed his arm. Then he did it again, he bit his lower lip, and Dean couldn't stop staring at it. Cas was looking down somewhere behind Dean so he didn't notice him staring. "It's been pretty weird for me too. Very weird actually if I'm being completely honest. So I get it, don't worry about it. You are forgiven," Cas chuckled the last part, seeming almost shy as he looked back up at Dean.

"Uh... Good. Thanks. I uh... _Shit_." Dean mumbled. Cas's brow furrowed again. 

"What?" Cas's voice was so quiet it was almost a whisper.

"Nothing! It's nothing. Have a great day Cas," Dean smiled, trying way too hard to pretend like everything was fine.

Everything was not fine. Cas was like the strongest magnet on the planet and Dean was just one tiny iron nail that was drawn into Cas no matter how much he tried to fight it. He had no chance to win that fight. But Cas was already walking away, leaving Dean to stand alone with his cart on the aisle.

                                                

When Dean got home Lisa was already there.

"Hey honey, how was your day?" She asked as soon as he walked into the kitchen carrying all of the grocery bags.

"It was fine, I uh... I walked into Cas again. At the store," He admitted. He wasn't sure why it was the first thing he shared with her but it just slipped out of his mouth. Lisa stopped what she was doing and turned to face him.

"Oh. Did you talk to him?" She crossed her arms over her chest only to unfold them immediately and press them to the counter behind her. Her eyes were sharp as she looked at him, her mouth a tight straight line.

"Yeah, I wanted to apologize to him for being a douche at the running route. He was just trying to help me and I realized that I was a total dick for no reason. I kinda felt bad about it so I needed to get it off my chest," Dean said, pushing his hands into his jeans pockets.

"Okay. Well, what did he say?" She asked, looking only a little annoyed.

"He forgave me and said that he understands."

"Understands what?" Lisa asked with obviously a lot more annoyed tone.

"Understands that it's weird for me to see him again all of a sudden after all this time because it's just as weird for him too, so he gets why I kinda freaked out," Dean explained, hoping that it would calm Lisa down. It didn't work.

"Why is it weird, Dean? You two were together for a year ten years ago! It shouldn't be weird anymore, not unless you still... have feelings for him," Lisa almost swallowed the last part of her sentence. She placed a hand on her chest, her eyes jumping from one spot to another.

"Lis, it's not... It's just the way things ended between me and him. I don't think either of us ever got any kind of closure, it just all came crashing down in a blink of an eye. It left open wounds," Dean spoke with a calm voice, his eyes pleading Lisa to understand.

"Wounds heal in ten years! Wounds should be healed before you say _'I do'_ to someone else at the altar!" She started yelling, making Dean jump in surprise. He hadn't heard her yelling in years, she was usually always calm and solved everything by talking about it, not yelling.

"Lis, honey, calm down," Dean took a careful step towards her but he didn't dare to get any closer than that.

"Do you still have feelings for him?" Lisa demanded to know. Dean looked down, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. "Unbelievable! We've been together for years and all this time you've been pining after someone else? How could you do that? How could you do this to me, Dean? I thought you loved _me_ , not some dude you haven't seen in a decade!" When Dean looked up he saw the tears rolling down Lisa's cheeks. He immediately rushed to her.

"Lisa... Oh god, I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I'm so sorry Lis, I should have always been honest with you," Dean pulled her close to him but she pushed him away.

"Have you cheated on me with him?" Her voice was tight with the accusation.

"What? No! Of course not!" Dean was shocked she would even think that.

"Have you had a chance to?" He gaped at her for a second.

"Lis, please, why--" Dean got interrupted again.

"When?" She looked beyond angry. Dean sighed, looking down with a shake of his head.

"Last Saturday when we were at the beach, he was there too. Things got pretty... heated. But nothing happened, I swear! We just talked and... There were some looks exchanged but nothing else. We didn't touch each other at all, I swear. Lisa, you have to believe me, please," Dean pleaded, trying to catch her eye but she wouldn't look at him.

"So you looked at each other and things got _'heated'_? Things have never gotten heated between you and me with just a look." She lifted her head up and looked past him to the kitchen wall. She was pressing her lips tightly together, tears were rolling down her cheeks but she kept a cold face. "So do you want to be with him? Would you rather be with him than with me?" She asked, quickly glancing at him before looking back to the wall.

"Lis..." He tried to plead but she shook her head to shut him up.

"Answer my question, Dean!" She commanded. Dean sighed.

"I think he is the one for me, Lis. I'm sorry. Yes, I'd like to be with him," he admitted quietly.

Lisa broke down crying immediately. He pulled her against his chest and wrapped his arms around her. "I'm a horrible man Lisa, you deserve someone so much better. I'm so sorry Lis, I truly am. You are perfect in every way, you'll find someone who is a million times better than I could ever be."

Lisa kept crying against his chest for a long time. When she finally stopped and pulled away there was a huge wet spot on Dean's shirt.

Dean slept in the guest room that night. In the middle of the night, he woke up to the sound of Lisa crying. He went downstairs to get her a big glass of water and a painkiller, because usually crying a lot caused her a headache so he figured she could use it. As soon as he put the glass and the pills on her nightstand she told him to get out. With a small nod, Dean went back to the other room.

He couldn't get any more sleep that night.

The next morning Lisa's eyes were red and puffy. She looked pretty bad. Dean felt horrible knowing that he had caused that. He kept staring at his coffee mug like it held all the answers to his problems.

"We need to get the divorce started. I think we need to go see a judge or something together, I'm not sure. I haven't actually looked up how getting a divorce works since I didn't think I'd ever go through that..." Lisa spoke quietly, her voice raspy and heavy. She rubbed her face with her left hand. Dean finally looked up to her.

"Yeah... Yeah, I can look into that. I'll call your boss to tell her you are sick and can't come to work today." Dean said, getting up from the table.

"No! Don't. I'll go. I won't stay here and roll in self-pity. I'll just need a little more make-up than normally and I'm good to go." Lisa smiled tiredly but her smiled faded away immediately. "So, are you... Are you going to call him?" Lisa asked, looking up at him.

"Huh? Umh... No. I don't actually have his number..." he shrugged awkwardly.

"Do you even know if he wants to be with you?" Lisa squinted her eyes at him. Dean swallowed hard, looking away from her.

"Well... No, I don't. I think he does but I can't be sure," he answered honestly. He knew how stupid that sounded.

"So we are getting a divorce because you have a huge crush on your ex-boyfriend and you want to rather be with him than with me, but you don't know if he wants to be with you at all," she paused. "Great. I mean, he might hate you after all you've done to him," she cocked her head.

"Yeah, I guess you are right. But Lis, getting this divorce is good for both of us. You deserve better than this," Dean moved closer to her. Lisa glared up at him angrily.

"Don't tell me what is good for me and what I deserve. I'm getting this divorce because I don't want to be married to a man who loves someone else, but there is nothing good for me in this. Soon I'll be almost thirty years old divorced woman with no one. You have your chance with Castiel, I have nothing," Lisa pressed her face into her hands again. Dean put his mug down on the table and kneeled down next to her.

"Hey, you are amazing. You are beautiful, smart and you have a great sense of humor. You are caring, loving and the sweetest person I've ever met. You'll find someone in no time. You'll find someone amazing, I'm sure of it," he tried to comfort her but she just shook her head.

"I highly doubt that," she mumbled into her hands.

"You'll just wait and see," Dean smiled gently at her since he didn't know what else to do.

                                                    

Dean left to work before Lisa did. He went through a million thoughts in his head while driving from home to work, most of those thoughts included Castiel and the divorce with Lisa.

When he got to his office the first thing he did was Google searching how getting a divorce worked.

Even if Cas wouldn't want Dean back this divorce was good for him. He felt like he was more playing home with Lisa than actually living the married life. It was almost like he had been stuck in a very boring real life role play for the last few years and he couldn't get out of it, not until now. Knowing that he could stop pretending soon felt relieving and at the same time, he felt shitty for even thinking that way. Lisa was amazing and he loved her, but it was just the wrong kind of love. She deserved better and Dean would open that door for her so she could go find it.

The day felt like it would never end. Dean kept looking at his watch even though he didn't have anywhere to be, anything to wait for. He wasn't even sure if he should go home after work or crash at Sam's for a few nights. He wasn't sure which option Lisa would prefer. He would have to talk about it with her when they were both at home.

Finally, the clock hit five and Dean headed home. As he was driving through the town he spotted a familiar figure running on the sidewalk. Castiel was running again, heading in the same direction as Dean so he was right behind him with his car. He was driving quite slowly because the speed limits in downtown were strict. So it wasn't his fault that he happened to drive behind Castiel for a minute, and it wasn't his fault that he happened to notice how great Castiel's ass looked in his running shorts. No, that was completely those shorts' fault, Dean's eyes just happened to travel there.

Cas turned a corner. Dean looked around as he drove over the cross road but Cas was nowhere to be seen. Dean shrugged his shoulders slightly as he drove off, heading home to his soon to be ex-wife.

Dean talked with Lisa that night. They agreed that he could still keep living there until he would find a place of his own but he would move his stuff into the guest room and sleep there, the bedroom was now Lisa's. They talked about the divorce process. Lisa still looked sad, she cried for a couple of minutes when Dean explained everything they would have to do to make the divorce official. She didn't want his hugs or comforting words, she just asked him to keep talking about it. She gathered herself quickly, nodding to everything Dean said. Eventually, they both headed to their own rooms for the night.

Dean hoped it would all be easier in the morning.


	5. Finding my own place

For the second time that day Dean drove past the preschool where Castiel worked. He didn't really know why he was there, the place was nowhere near the roads he took to work and back home or anywhere else he usually went on his day to day life. The school was in the more quiet part of the town, safe from all the traffic. Dean didn't even know what he would do or say if he did see Castiel. He felt like a fucking stalker driving past the school. He turned the car around at the end of the road and drove past the school to the other direction, heading downtown.

He didn't feel like going home, he knew Lisa would probably be there since she had the day off so he parked the car in front of a small coffee shop and turned off the engine. He looked at the shop's windows for a moment, then chuckled to himself. He realized he had lived in this town for all his life and he hadn't paid for coffee in the last 10 years. He hadn't been to a coffee shop since... Since dating Castiel.

He stepped out of the car and made his way into the shop. He ordered one big cup of plain black coffee and sat down at a table next to the windows. There were magazines on the table and since he had nothing better to do Dean started to browse through one of them.

The shop was almost empty, just him and a small group of teenagers at the other end of the room. The bell over the door chimed but Dean didn't look up. Not until he heard a deep voice ordering an herbal tea at the register.

How the hell did Cas always just happen to be at the same place at the same time as Dean was? He hadn't been to a coffee shop in years and the one time he actually goes into one Cas is there, just minutes after Dean got his coffee.

Cas paid for his tea, looking around for an empty table. When his eyes landed on Dean his movements came to a halt. He turned to look down at his cup as he picked it up from the counter, glancing back at Dean, then around him again, looking a little nervous. Dean put the magazine down and swallowed.

"Cas, come sit with me!" he called to the man. Cas's eyes widened. He took a careful step towards Dean but stopped.

"Are you... Are you sure?" he asked. Dean smiled gently.

"Yeah, sure. Come on," Dean pulled the chair next to him out a little as an invite. Cas bit his lower lip before quickly walking to Dean's table and sitting down.

"Hi," Dean smiled as sweetly as he could. Cas glanced at him.

"Hello," Cas shifted on his seat.

"How are you, Cas?" he wished Cas wouldn't look so scared and uncomfortable.

Cas was the one he wanted to be with after he had gone through the divorce, Cas was kind of the reason they were getting the divorce right now so it was unsettling to see him looking like he was seconds away from running out of the door and never coming back. Dean forced the smile to stay on his lips and tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut.

"I'm-- I'm good. Had a short day at work which is always nice," Cas chuckled in a way Dean guessed was supposed to be relaxed but came out as a forced chortle. "How are you?" Castiel asked quickly, taking a small sip of his tea. It was apparently still too hot to drink since Cas hissed a little as he put the cup down.

"I'm good. Lisa and I are actually getting a divorce," Dean said like it was nothing.

Cas almost choked on air at Dean's news. His mouth opened and closed but he didn't manage to form any words. He swallowed loudly, turning to look down to the table. With a shaking hand, he lifted his cup to his lips, taking a small sip. He put the tea back down and took a deep breath, turning his gaze back to Dean.

Dean could tell from the look on Cas's eyes that he was choosing his words carefully, so he just waited quietly, letting him take in the information. Cas rubbed his palms on his thighs, quickly clearing his throat. 

"Oh. You don't sound upset about it. I mean," he motioned towards Dean, "one doesn't usually say they are good and getting a divorce in the same sentence." Cas pointed out, suddenly looking a lot more relaxed than he had been just moments before.

"Yeah, well... I wasn't truly happy with her so I decided to end it before we would get kids because after that breaking up would've been a huge mess. Better do it now when it's just the two of us since I know that it has to be done anyway at some point." This was how Dean had been reasoning it for himself ever since they had agreed on getting the divorce. It made sense to him.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Dean," Castiel said, moving his hand closer like he was about to take Dean's put pulled it away right before their fingers could brush together. Dean noticed but didn't mention anything about it. 

"Don't be, it's better this way. I want something else, someon--" Dean cut himself off and cleared his throat. "She deserves better than what I could ever give her," he finished, shooting a quick look at Castiel who was just staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Umm... I don't really know what to say. Divorces are always hard, but if you say it's best for both of you then I guess I'm happy for you. It's good that you are putting your own happiness first," Cas nodded slightly to his own words.

"Yeah. Thanks, Cas," Dean smiled. For a moment they both stayed quiet, quickly glancing at each other every three seconds, the silence starting to get awkward. 

Finally, Dean cleared his throat again, he wasn't sure what he was to say but he had to say something.

"So um Cas, do you think we could... See each other around? I mean like... If we could hang out sometime or something?" Dean shifted in his seat nervously. Cas looked up at him and pulled his lower lip between his teeth. Cas really needed to stop doing that, it was way too distracting to Dean. 

"I don't know Dean... The first time we met again, in the store, I think you were right when you said it would be a bad idea for us to spend time together," Cas's eyes flickered from his tea cup to Dean and back down like he didn't know where to look.

"I didn't say it would be a bad idea!" Dean straightened up.

"You said you didn't think it was a good idea so that is practically the same thing," Cas shot back at him. Dean stammered for a second.

"Yeah but-- but-- What changed your mind?" Dean leaned over the table, closer to Castiel.

"Don't you think this has been pretty awkward? Every time we've ran into each other since I moved back has been awkward and uncomfortable. That tells you something, doesn't it?"

Dean thought about it for a second.

"Even that thing at the beach?" Dean smirked at him.

" _Especially_ that thing at the beach." Cas rolled his eyes and sighed. "I think it would be better if we just stayed away from each other to avoid any more situations like those from happening. I know it's hard in a small town like this but I think it would be for the best," he added quietly. Something in the way he said it, something in the way he was looking at him when he said it told Dean that it wasn't what Cas really wanted, but what he thought was the best thing to do.

"Cas. I don't want to stay away from you. I want to get to know you again. I loved the 18 years old Castiel and I want to know what kind of a person the 28 years old Castiel is. Cas, you are the only one who has ever..." Dean swallowed, turning his head down. Maybe it would be too much to say. Maybe there was someone in Castiel's life who had made him happier than Dean ever had. Maybe Dean was trying to bring back to life something that had been dead for years. So he decided not to say it. "I just want to be your friend again," he smiled shyly. It was a lie and Dean knew it but it was the best he could come up with at that moment.

Castiel didn't say anything for a while. At some point during Dean's little speech, Cas had leaned in too, and they were now leaning towards each other. Finally, he opened his mouth to speak.

"That was... quite much, I think. But okay, maybe we could try that _being friends again_ thing. If you really want to," he said.

Dean answered immediately. "I do! I do want to. Absolutely," he realized a second too late that he sounded just a tiny little bit too excited about it. Cas chuckled a little and smiled for the first time after sitting down next to him.

"How about we hang out a couple of times and see how it goes?" he asked. Dean nodded.

"Yeah, that sounds great. Hey Cas, can I have your phone number?" Dean pulled his phone from his pocket. Cas looked a little surprised. Dean shrugged. "Friends usually have each other's phone numbers."

Cas let out a small " _oh, right_ " before taking Dean's phone, saving his number to his contacts list. Dean called him right away so that Castiel would have his number too, and only a little just to check that Cas hadn't given him a fake number. 

They talked a little while they both finished their drinks. They talked about what they could do now that they tried to be friends again, and Cas suggested shopping because he really needed some new clothes and he didn't trust his brother's taste in fashion. Dean also found out that the brother who had moved back to town before Castiel wasn't Gabriel as Sam had hoped. Or worried, Dean wasn't sure. It was Michael which seemed a little odd to Dean since what he remembered of him, Michael had always been a big city kind of guy, talking about moving to New York when he had been just 16 years old. Dean would have to let Sam know that he wouldn't have the pleasure of running into Gabriel anytime soon.

"So, next Saturday?" Cas asked as they both got up from the table, walking towards the door.

"Yeah. We should start early. I'll come pick you up at... Oh," Dean chuckled as he looked down, shaking his head slightly.

"What?" Cas asked confused, his brows knitting towards each other. Dean looked up and shrugged.

"Just realized I don't even know where you live now," he kept smiling, even though he felt a cold twist in his gut. The love of his life had moved back into town several weeks ago and Dean didn't even know where he lived.

Cas interrupted his thoughts.

"Above the flower shop on the main street. Third floor."

Dean looked at him. "Where the Mrs. Johnson's bakery used to be?" Castiel nodded. "I loved that place. I remember how you couldn't get enough of her frosted donuts," Dean smiled fondly at the memory, looking just past Castiel's head, lost in the sweet memories.

Castiel cleared his throat. When Dean looked back at him he looked a little uncomfortable and awkward as he rubbed his neck quickly.

"Yeah, you can wait for me in the parking lot then, I'll be down around 11, or is that too early?" Cas glanced towards him. Dean stared at him for a moment, trying to understand why Cas suddenly acted so awkward, like he couldn't wait to get away from there, just like he had just half an hour ago when he had noticed Dean in the coffee shop. He mentally shook himself, concentrating on what Cas had said.

"Yeah, yeah. Eleven is good. I'll wait for you there then. We can go to that bigger mall, it isn't too far from here, I don't think we'll find any decent clothes from this town." Dean forced his hand to stay down as he was about to rub his own neck too.

"Sounds good. I'll see you then. Umh... Yeah. Bye, Dean," Castiel waved awkwardly before rushing out of the door.

Dean was left feeling confused and weird. On the other hand, he was happy that he would see Castiel again in just a few days but the thought also made him nervous. What if Cas had been right about them seeing each other and spending time together being nothing but awkward and uncomfortable for the both of them? 

He thought about it for a moment until he decided that he wouldn't let it happen. He wanted to be with Castiel and he was pretty sure Castiel wanted to be with him, so Dean would do everything in his power to make the upcoming shopping trip amazing. He would convince Castiel that them getting together was the best thing they could ever do, but not by forcing the idea on him but by being his awesome self and making Castiel remember the year they spent together in high school that was, at least to Dean, the best year of his life. 

Later that day Dean called Sam. His brother sounded tired when he answered the phone. 

"So, we're getting a divorce," Dean said quickly and sighed. He could hear Sam moving on the other end of the line before he spoke. 

"Oh. Well, that's... That's great, Dean. I know it's a horrible thing to say but I really think so. How did this happen? I mean did you tell her about Cas or?" Sam asked.

Dean pressed a hand to his forehead and clutched the phone in his hand.

"Yeah, it... I walked into Cas pretty literally some time ago, I told her about it and we talked about everything. She said she can't be married to a man who has loved someone else all this time and... I agreed with that. So we are getting the process running now," Dean sighed.

"Yeah, I totally understand her. It's going to be fine Dean, she'll get over it. So have you seen Castiel after all that happened? Does he know you are getting a divorce because of him?" Sam asked with a low voice like he was trying to keep it a secret.

"No! I mean yeah we met at a coffee shop today by an accident and we talked. I told him about the divorce but he has no idea he has anything to do with it and I want to keep it that way!" Dean rushed to answer.

"Forever? I mean if you do get back together with him are you ever going to tell him?" Sam asked. Dean could practically hear the frown on his face.

"Well yeah, I guess, but not now. We agreed that we'd try to be friends again so he doesn't need to know anything about this right now," Dean shuffled slightly on his feet.

"Friends? Dean, you are leading him to the wrong direction! Why don't you just tell him what you really want?" Sam sounded annoyed all of a sudden. Dean rolled his head back in frustration.

"Because that's not how it works Sam, jesus! I can't just tell the guy I want to get back to being boyfriends and _'hey I met you twice since we broke up ten years ago and now I'm having a divorce because of you!'_ He said it'd be better for the both of us to stay away from each other so I had to come up with something! So I said I want to be friends with him, so what? I could do that if it turns out he really doesn't want anything more than that. I just..." he swallowed, considering his next words before continuing, "I just really need to be around him. You don't understand it, but I've missed him for the past decade and now he is finally here and I... I just can't let him go, Sam. Leaving him in the first place was the worst decision I've ever made, I can't let him get away from me ever again. Even if it..." he took a deep breath, "Even if it meant I could only have him around as a friend for the rest of my life, even if I'd have to watch him fall in love with someone else. No matter how much it would hurt I won't let him go, Sam. I won't," Dean's voice was shaking with the tears trying to break through.

Sam was quiet for a long time.

"Shit, Dean, you are so gone for him," Sam chuckled a little. Dean let out a small laugh too.

"Yeah, I am. Fuck, this is gonna be hard," Dean shook his head again.

"It might be, yeah. But maybe it won't. You told me that he... at the beach..." he sounded a little awkward but Dean wasn't going to do anything to ease his brother out of what he was trying to say. Sam cleared his throat and continued, "You said he was just as eager to... You know, as you were. So it seems like he still has some feelings for you if nothing else then at least... Sexual feelings... So maybe you are in a better situation than you think you are. Look, what I'm trying to say is don't lose hope. You two were made for each other," Sam finished.

Dean chuckled, "You got all that from one year of dating in high school and one horny incident at the beach? Wow, Sammy, that's pretty good," Dean laughed but deep down he knew Sam was right once again. If there was something like a soulmate or 'the one' for everyone, Castiel was it for him. Dean was sure of it. 

"You know I'm right."

"Yeah, you always are. Bitch," Dean spat out.

"Jerk. Keep me posted about how things move forward with both Lisa and Cas, okay?"

"I'm actually going to go shopping with Cas this Saturday," Dean told him.

"Oh, shopping? Wow. If I wasn't so sure already that you are madly in love with him this would convince me. You are going shopping? Really?" Sam's voice was mocking.

"Ha-ha! Cas suggested it so why not? Shopping is fun!" Sam completely lost it at that. 

"Jess! Hey, Jess! You are never going to believe this, Dean just said that shopping is fun!" Sam yelled. Dean could hear Jess bursting out laughing too. He rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm going to hang up now."

Sam rushed to say the one last thing, "Okay. Have fun shopping and let me know how everything goes. And hey, you should probably tell mom and dad the news too. Well not about Cas but the divorce part. Better they hear it from you than someone else."

"Oh, right. Shit, I had forgotten about that. Fuck. Okay, I need to go, I'll call you later," Dean hung up the phone.

Shit! How could he have forgotten to tell his parents? The last time he had visited them with Lisa they had been asking again and again about grandchildren. Dean and Lisa had been making promises of 'soon'. Now Dean would have to call them to let them know there wouldn't be any grandkids coming anytime soon, at least not with her. Then he realized that it would be better to tell them the news face to face rather than calling them.

He sighed, leaning on the table in front of him. He was not looking forward to this.

                           

That Friday afternoon Dean parked his car on the familiar driveway in front of his childhood home. He took a couple of deep breaths before he picked up the paper bag covered bread he'd baked earlier that day and stepped out of the car. He walked right into the house, telling himself that it would be all right. They would be surprised, Mary would probably cry but at the end, it would be okay. They had nothing to say to it and he was here just to let them know.

"Dean!" Mary smiled widely as she stepped into the hallway where he was kicking off his shoes. She pulled him into a tight hug. "I thought you would come with Lisa, where is she?" Mary asked, looking behind him towards the closed door like she was waiting for it to open and for Lisa to walk in.

"She uh... I came alone. I need to tell you guys something," Dean said awkwardly, pulling away from Mary's hold.

"Oh, that doesn't sound good," Mary furrowed her brow. Dean just shrugged a little, walking past her into the kitchen. John was nowhere to be seen. Dean sat down, placing the bread on the table.

"Do you want coffee, honey?" Mary asked as she walked into the kitchen. Dean just nodded and she turned towards the doorway at the other end of the room. "John! You want coffee?" she called. Dean heard his father's voice coming from the other room, telling his wife that he would indeed want coffee. Mary turned to the coffee maker, glancing at Dean. "He'll be here in a minute," she started to prepare the coffee.

A few minutes later John walked into the room, looking at Dean.

"Oh, where is Lisa?" he asked, looking around the room quickly. Dean held in the sigh that wanted to get out so badly. This was going to be a lot harder than he had thought.

Before he could open his mouth Mary answered John's question.

"Dean came alone, he has something to tell us," Mary said, shooting John a look that Dean couldn't completely read. She looked worried. John turned to look at him again, sitting down on the seat opposite Dean. Dean immediately leaned back on his own seat to put a little more space between them. 

"Okay, go ahead," John gestured with his hand for Dean to begin. Dean glanced up at his mother who looked just as impatient to hear his big news as his father did. He took a deep breath, looking down to his lap before starting.

Better just rip the band-aid off quick and clean.

"We are getting a divorce," He looked up to his father's eyes just as they widened in surprise just a tiny bit, then turned to look at his wife who looked shocked.

"What did you do?" Was the first thing John asked. Of course it was.

"I didn't do anything. We just realized we want different things in life and after all we are more like best friends than a husband and wife so we decided together that divorce would be the best solution," Dean said as calmly as he could, just waiting for the storm.

"What do you mean 'want different things'? You want a family, she wants a family so where's the difference?" John looked angry.

"Look, things haven't been going that great lately, in a long time actually. We made this decision together, we know what is best for us so... This is happening," Dean sighed.

Mary finally moved closer to them, coming to stand next to Dean, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"When things aren't going well you can try to fix them, either on your own or with the help of a marriage counselor. You don't need to just give up and get a divorce as soon as things get hard. You need to make the marriage work, you need to work for your happiness," Mary spoke with a calming voice. Dean knew she meant well but it was all just bullshit.

"Mom there is nothing to fix. We were never meant to be more than friends. This is the best solution and it's best we do it right now rather than having kids and then tear down the family," Dean said with a tight tone in his voice that should leave no room for arguments. For a long moment, both John and Mary were completely quiet until John broke the silence.

"Lisa is a great woman, Dean, you should consider this again and _then_ again for several times before going through with this. She's special and you might never find another woman as good as her."

Dean's next words just kind of slipped out of his mouth, he never meant his parents to hear them.

"Well, maybe I never want to find another woman at all!"

His parents looked at him with huge, surprised eyes. Dean realized what he had just said and rushed in to fix it. "Like her! Another woman like her! I mean if Lisa wasn't the right one for me then I shouldn't look for a woman who is just like her, right? I should look for something else like, I don't know... Blonds?" Dean shrugged, hoping to god that his explanation would cover his little slip. John still looked suspiciously at him when Mary started to talk. 

"You just made it sound like this was all about her hair color but I trust that you didn't mean quite that... Anyway, if you are sure that this is the best thing to do then I guess we can't do anything but try to support you through this time. Right, John?" she asked, turning to look at her husband who was still giving Dean a suspicious look.

Slowly John leaned closer to him on his seat.

"You sure this isn't about anything else? Something you aren't telling us?" he asked with a low voice. Dean swallowed.

"I'm sure. Why would I even lie about something like this?" Dean chuckled nervously, looking up at Mary, then back to John.

"I can think of a couple of reasons..." John said pointedly but Mary stopped him from saying anything else.

"That's enough John. Dean is a grown man who knows what he's doing so if he says they need to get a divorce then they are getting a divorce. Dean will find himself another beautiful woman to marry in no time, right Dean?" She asked. Dean nodded slightly.

"Right," Dean said lowly.

John finally stopped staring at him like he had been trying to bore straight into Dean's brain to find out every dirty secret his son was keeping hidden.

Dean emptied his coffee cup in three swigs when it was finally placed in front of him. It burned his mouth but he couldn't care less. He just needed to get the hell out of there as soon as possible.

He made an excuse about having a lot of things to arrange with Lisa so he really needed to get going right away.

As he was driving home he took a couple of deep breaths, tightening his grip on the wheel. His dad was so onto him, Dean was sure of it. John didn't buy his reasons for the divorce and Dean could already see him gathering up a little spy group of his friends to keep an eye on him, just like he had done ten years ago when he found out about Castiel. John had a lot of friends who had been reporting back to him whenever they saw Dean or Castiel anywhere in the town. It had been a decade, Dean was a grown man now, but he didn't doubt for a second that his dad would do it again if he found out that Cas was back in town. Or who knew, maybe he already knew.

The only difference was that this time Dean wouldn't give a fuck if his dad found out.


	6. Keeping the control

On Saturday, Dean woke up early, already excited for the day.

During the night his worries about the day possibly not going so great had been erased from his mind and he was now looking forward to a day full of shopping with Castiel.

He hummed to himself as he jumped into the shower, quickly washing up before heading to the kitchen to fix himself something to eat.

Lisa had stayed the night at a friend's place, she probably wouldn't be home until late afternoon. Even though she hadn't said it out loud, Dean guessed she didn't want to see him right now. He couldn't really blame her.

It was still just past nine when he made himself two bacon sandwiches and sat down to eat. He scrolled through a couple of news sites on his phone while sipping on his coffee.

When he was done with breakfast he still had over an hour before he'd go pick Castiel up so he decided to spend the time by choosing what to wear. He went back and forth between two pairs of jeans. The other pair made his ass look phenomenal, which was always a good thing, especially if one is spending time with the man they are interested in, but the other pair was comfier and Dean liked the color of those better than the others'.

Eventually, he went with the ones that made his ass look great.

He pulled on an undershirt and a dark green plaid button-up over it. He spent ten minutes doing his hair even though there wasn't much to do to a short hair like his, but he wanted it to be perfect.

He looked at the clock again, realizing it had taken him quite long to get ready. Now he only had half an hour before he'd need to pick Cas up. He grabbed the keys and his wallet from the hallway table, pushing his phone into his pocket as he walked out of the door.

At 10.45, he was in the parking lot in front of Castiel's apartment. He sent Cas a quick message, letting him know that he was already there. At 10.55 he saw Cas coming out of the door, heading straight to his car. Cas was wearing light jeans that were pretty tight around his thighs and a plain dark gray t-shirt. He looked good, Dean decided before Cas even made it to the Impala.

"Hey, you got here early," Cas smiled a little as he got in, pulling the door closed.

"Yeah, well, I woke up pretty early and had nothing to do at home so I thought I might as well come here already. You got everything you need?" Dean turned the engine back on. He had turned it off as soon as he had gotten to the parking lot.

"Yeah, I got everything. Let's go," Cas smiled. It looked so natural that Dean thought maybe Cas had gotten over the awkwardness too. At least he hoped so.

They drove to the mall two towns over. They chatted about everything during the drive, mostly just catching up, talking about what they had been doing for the past ten years. It felt easy.

Every now and then Dean still saw small glimpses of the Castiel he had loved so many years ago. He saw it in the way Castiel let his head fall forward as he chuckled to something stupid but funny Dean had just said, he saw it in the way Castiel drummed his fingers against his knee, and he _thought_ he saw it in the way Castiel was looking at him.

When they got to the mall Castiel led them to the closest clothing store.

"Okay, so I need new shirts both for work and spare time. The shirts for work don't need to be that fancy since the kids don't give a crap about what I wear, but they still need to be nice enough that I look professional in front of the other teachers and the parents who pick up their kids. And I need new jeans," Castiel spoke as he went through some t-shirts.

"Okay, so fancy but not too fancy shirts and jeans. And t-shirts or something for when you're not at work. Okay, I'll hunt something down," Dean smiled.

He started to go through the row of t-shirt next to Castiel. Cas looked up to him quickly, smiling sweetly before turning back to the shirts. Dean's chest felt just a little bit warmer.

With Dean's help, Cas found a couple of t-shirts from that store, and they moved on to the next one.

"Do you need anything?" Cas asked him suddenly. Dean looked up to him from the jeans he had been examining.

"Oh, no. I don't think so," Dean shook his head.

"You sure? I mean, since we are already here it would be smart to look for something for you too," Cas turned fully towards him.

"Yeah... I don't know, I don't really like trying things on at stores. It just makes me sweaty and I keep thinking that someone else has tried that thing on before me. It's kinda gross," Dean admitted, scrunching his nose a little. Cas let out a laugh.

"Oh right, sorry I forgot about your germ phobia."

Dean huffed.

"Well sorry if I don't want other people's sweat, snot and god knows what on my body. There is nothing funny about it," he tried his best to look annoyed but it was hard when Cas was still chuckling and smiling so brightly he put the sun to shame.

"Yeah, you are right, nothing funny about that. You know what, I'm going to be brave and go try on these clothes some other dude might have tried on before. You can just tell me your opinion on how they look," Cas grinned, holding up the small pile of clothes in his hand. Dean rolled his eyes but followed him to the fitting rooms anyway. He sat down on a small stool next to the stalls as Cas disappeared into one of them.

A few minutes later Cas stepped out wearing a pair of dark blue jeans and a nice light blue button-up. He fidgeted with the hem of the shirt, looking down at it. He didn't notice how Dean's eyes widened when he saw him.

Cas looked amazing. He always looked amazing but this outfit somehow made him look even better. His chest looked wide, his arms looked huge in the very good way and what Dean managed to see of Cas's ass, it looked pretty damn good too in those dark jeans. He managed to snap his mouth shut before Cas could notice how his jaw had dropped to the floor.

"What do you think about the shirt? Does it look weird? It somehow feels weird but I don't know..." Cas turned to look at him.

The collar of the shirt was a little twisted.

Without thinking about it Dean walked up to him and started to fix it for him. Castiel stayed perfectly quiet while Dean straightened up the fabric.

When the collar was fixed Dean looked up to Castiel's eyes. He froze.

Cas was staring at him with wide eyes. Dean's hands were still gripping the collar of Ca's shirt when he realized how close to each other they were. Dean could feel Castiel's shallow breath on his face.

His eyes flickered from Castiel's eyes down to his lips.

Cas was so close.

Dean wanted to kiss him so badly.

His insides twisted, he felt warm all over as he looked back up to Castiel's eyes. Cas was still just staring at him.

Dean noticed how he quickly looked down to Dean's lips, licking his own.

He took that as an invite.

He managed to lean in the tiniest bit before Cas let his head fall forward, cleared his throat loudly and took a long step back. Dean's hands fell from his collar and he immediately straightened up.

Oh, so it wasn't an invite. Great.

Dean couldn't say anything. He felt like his face was on fire as he blushed hard from the embarrassment. _Just friends_ , they had agreed on being just friends, Dean reminded himself.

"I um... I'm going to go change now..." Cas motioned awkwardly towards the fitting room before practically running in, slamming the door closed behind him. Dean started to search for something that could help him dig a hole to the floor and escape the whole situation.

It took Cas double the time to change back to his own clothes than it'd taken him to change into the clothes he was trying on. Dean guessed it was because he needed some time after what almost happened.

Finally, Cas stepped out of the room wearing his own clothes.

"I'm going to go pay for these and then I'm ready to go," he started to make his way towards the cashier, not meeting Dean's eyes as he walked past him. Dean hurried after him.

"You sure? I mean we've only been to two stores? And I was thinking we could like, I don't know, have lunch together too," Dean said.

Cas stopped, quickly turning around to face him.

"I don't know Dean... That sounds a little too much like a date," he glanced quickly down to Dean's lips again before turning to look at his right, clenching his jaw.

"Oh... Well, uh... Okay, yeah. We can just leave if you are sure you are done. It's okay. I'll go wait outside."

He walked out of the store to the mall hallway, waiting there while Cas paid for the clothes.

Shit, it had been going so well. If only Dean had stayed still, if he had just told Cas that the collar was twisted. Cas could've fixed it himself and they could've avoided this.

And what the hell, sounds _too much like a date_? People have lunch with friends all the time!

Dean was pacing back and forth in front of the store when Cas came out.

"Can we go now?" he seemed pissed.

"Yeah, let's go," Dean started walking towards the main doors of the mall to get the fuck out of there.

The drive was pretty quiet this time, to call it awkward would have been an understatement. Dean couldn't handle the tension, he had to break the silence.

"So, did you find everything you went looking for?"

Cas immediately shifted on his seat a little, turning his head the tiniest bit to look at Dean but averting his gaze quickly, staring at the road in front of them.

"Yeah, I think I'll survive some time with those," he mumbled. It sounded like it was meant to lighten up the mood but when Dean looked at him Cas still had that tight expression on his face.

"Cas, I'm sorry about that... thing. I know we agreed on being just friends, I just... I don't know."

Dean didn't know what to say. He didn't want to lie to Castiel about this but he also didn't want to tell the truth, so he just tried to say something, anything, to apologize at least.

"Yeah, about that. I'm not sure if it's working out that well..." Cas shook his head, looking down to his lap.

"Cas, man, come on. It was one mistake, please don't give up on this because of one mistake. It won't happen again, I promise. I Just... I really want to spend time with you, as a friend," Dean pleaded.

After a short silence, Castiel sighed.

"I can't say no to you. Shit, after all this time, I still can't say no to you. Damn you, Dean," Cas chuckled, faking an annoyed face. "Just friends! Remember that," his voice was stern. Dean nodded.

Dean felt like he was lying to the both of them, but he kept telling himself this was the only way to stay close to Cas. Now he had no room for mistakes.

Dean stopped the car in front of Cas's apartment but left the engine running. They sat in silence for a couple of seconds before Dean opened his mouth.

"So I'll see you around?" he asked quietly, still a little unsure about it, but when Cas turned to look at him he was smiling.

"Yeah, I'll be in touch. And um... Dean. I really want to hang out with you too, get to know you again. I hope you know that. It's just so awkward since we have..." he paused, "you know, history. But we can work past that, right?" Cas looked at him with a hopeful smile on his lips.

"I'm glad to hear that Cas. And we'll work through it," Dean felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his heart. He hadn't been sure if Cas really wanted to hang out with him, or if he was doing it just because he was a nice person and felt like he had to. Hearing it from the guy himself felt good, it felt really good.

Dean smiled the whole drive home.

                                     

"You need to move out," Lisa announced pretty much as soon as Dean got back home.

"What? I mean yeah, I'm going to, but you mean like, right now?" he asked confused.

"I talked to my attorney and he told me that we can't file the divorce petition forms if we still live in the same house. So you need to move out," she explained.

"You have an attorney?" Dean asked surprised.

"Of course, I do, but he is just helping me with the forms and all the paperwork. Don't worry, I'm not taking this to court. He told me that since we don't have any children or debts we can get a simplified divorce where we just file in the paperwork. He takes it to the judge, that way the whole process usually takes only about a month or so," she gave him a tight smile.

"Oh, okay. I guess I should start looking for apartments then..." he ran a hand through his hair. He hadn't even thought about it yet. He had looked some stuff up about how to get a divorce, but he had no idea how he'd missed the thing about them having to live at different addresses before they could even file the petition.

Dean got his laptop and started to go through the apartment ads in the area. Since he knew the town so well he knew the areas where he definitely would never move into. Since his pay was pretty good he could easily afford a place in downtown.

There was one apartment free in the same building where the flower store was, on the second floor. Dean considered it for about three seconds until he decided that it would just make him look like a creepy stalker if he moved to the same building where Castiel lived.

He went through the ads for a long time until he found a perfect place. It was downtown, not that far from his workplace, and only two blocks from Castiel's place. The building was fairly new and spacious, the apartments looked really nice.

He emailed the owner immediately.

Dean picked up his phone from the table, considering about texting Castiel to ask if he could help him with the apartment hunt, but decided it would be too soon after everything that happened earlier that day. He could ask for Castiel's help later.

                                    

On Monday morning, Dean got an email back from the owner of the apartment, saying that Dean could come over on Wednesday to see the place himself. He replied, letting her know he would see her and the apartment then. Now that he knew when he was going to go check the place out he finally texted Cas. They hadn't talked at all since Dean drove him home from the mall two days ago.

_"Hey, I'm going to go look at this one apartment next Wednesday at 5pm. Could you come with me?"_

Half an hour later he got a reply.

_"Yeah, I could come. Is this a payback, I made you go shopping for clothes so now you make me go apartment shopping with you? :D"_ Dean chuckled at the text.

_"Maybe. I never know what to ask about the place so you need to make sure that I don't move into a place that's full of rats or mold or both."_ Dean smiled as he hit 'send'. This felt easy.

_"Rats and mold, got it. Where is it?"_

_"Just two blocks from your place, the new building. Do you want me to come pick you up then?"_ he offered.

_"I think I can walk two blocks, thank you :D I know the place. See you at the main door 4.55?"_ Cas asked. Dean texted back just a quick "okay, see you then!" before putting his phone away.

He couldn't fight the small smile that found its way to his lips. He'd see Castiel again in just two days. He knew he shouldn't feel that good about it, but he couldn't help it.

He was still smiling when he started the car and made his way to work.

                                         

"That was a terrible catch!" Dean laughed as he watched Sam trying to keep his balance and finally finding it again.

"But still a catch!" Sam pointed a finger at him before throwing the ball back to him.

This was something they liked to do together, something they had been doing ever since they were little and Sam was able to catch the ball coming towards him. They threw the tennis ball back and forth while they talked about everything. Right now they were standing on Sam and Jess's backyard. Their dog Bones was desperate to get included in their game but the guys made sure to keep the ball high enough so she couldn't catch it.

"Maybe you should get glasses before you get hit in the face with the ball," Dean mocked him. Sam rolled his eyes.

"Says the old man. You need a chair to sit on? Are your knees hurting?" Sam mocked him right back, making them both laugh. "So, how is everything going?" Sam took a perfect catch as Dean threw the ball to him.

"Turned out we can't file the divorce papers before we've lived separately for some time," Dean shrugged. Sam threw the ball back at him. Between them Bones was running back and forth, keeping her eyes on the ball all the time, her tongue lolling out from the side of her mouth.

"You didn't know that?" Sam furrowed his brow. Dean huffed and threw the ball with a bit too much force. Sam caught it anyway.

"No, I didn't. It's not like my brother was a lawyer who could have told me that!" Dean said with an accusing tone.

"Hey, I thought you knew! It's an obvious rule, the first step in getting a divorce. It didn't even occur to me to mention it," Sam threw the ball back at Dean.

"Yeah, well anyway, I'm going to go see a place tomorrow with Cas," Dean said and threw the ball. This time, Sam didn't catch it. The ball dropped on the ground behind him. Bones picked it up before Sam could even blink. Dean sighed as he watched the dog run away with the ball, wagging her tail like she had just won a prize.

"Are you moving in together with Cas?" Sam asked with wide eyes. Dean frowned at him.

"No? He's just coming with me to see the place," Dean said like it was the most obvious thing ever.

"Why?" Sam still looked confused as hell.

"Because I asked him to. I want to hang out with him and he wants to hang out with me. I don't know what to ask from the woman selling the place, so Cas promised to come with me, make sure that all the important questions get asked," Dean explained with a huff.

"Okay... Okay, I guess that makes sense. It just sounded like you were going to go check the place _with_ Cas, as in together. As in _moving in together_ together," Sam chuckled a little, just now noticing how the dog was running around the yard with the ball in her mouth. "Bones, bring the ball back!"

"Oh, let her play with it," Dean motioned with his hand for Sam to let it go as he walked towards the small patio set and sat down on a chair.

"So old man was getting tired!" Sam mocked again as he followed him, sitting down next to him.

"First of all, I'm just 28, I'm not old. Second of all, you are just four years younger than me so shut the fuck up," Dean snapped a little, making Sam laugh.

"I'm basically a teenager compared to you," Dean cocked an eyebrow at that.

"Yeah you are, snot nose. When's your curfew? How much pocket money does Jess give you?" Dean mocked with a smirk.

"Jerk," Sam laughed.

"You started it, bitch," Dean faked annoyance but soon burst out laughing too.

After another half an hour of them just joking around together, Jess got home from work, joining them in the backyard.

Dean headed back home around seven that night but Lisa still wasn't there.

He checked the calendar on the kitchen wall. It told him Lisa had the evening shift at work so she wouldn't be home until around nine. Dean used the time he had alone in the house to pack his belongings in the few boxes he found in the closet at the end of the hallway. He would need to remember to get more boxes.

                                       

Just like Cas had promised, he was waiting in front of Dean's possible future apartment when he parked his car in front of the building.

"Hey, thanks for coming," Dean smiled as he stepped to the sidewalk next to Cas.

"Sure, no problem. It's not like I had anything better to do anyway," Cas smiled sweetly. He looked down quickly before looking back up at Dean from under his lashes, his lower lip between his teeth again. Was he doing that on purpose? He had to know by now what that small habit did to Dean. Dean had to look away to save himself from blushing.

"Yeah, good. Okay. We should go inside," Dean nodded towards the door.

They found the apartment quickly. Dean rang the doorbell and soon a dark haired woman opened the door.

"Hey, I'm Dean, I'm here to see the apartment," he smiled at her.

"Yes, hello. I'm Hannah. Please come in," she stepped aside to let the two men in. As Castiel entered the apartment he nodded at her with a polite smile, introducing himself.

Hannah talked a lot about the building and the apartment as she gave them a tour around the place. Cas asked most of the questions, which Dean was more than grateful for since he had no idea what to ask. Cas, on the other hand, seemed to come up with exactly the right questions, he even remembered to make sure the building didn't have mold or rats or both.

"So how long have you two been looking for a place?" Hannah asked as they stepped into the living room after going through the whole place. Dean's head snapped up. He gave a nervous glance to Castiel who was just looking around.

"Oh no, we aren't... I'm looking for a place for myself, alone. Cas is helping me, we're just friends," Dean rushed to make the situation clear, swallowing nervously as Castiel turned to look at him.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you two were... Sorry, my mistake," Hannah said, and even though she smiled politely she still sounded extremely awkward. Dean gave another quick glance to Cas, fearing for his reaction. Would he act as awkward as Dean felt? To Dean's surprise, Castiel just huffed a laugh.

"That was over ten years ago," Cas grinned. Dean blushed as her eyes landed on him.

"Oh... Okay. Well, what do you think about the place, Dean?" Hannah asked. Dean was grateful for the change of subject. He quickly looked around the spacious living room again. He smiled as he turned to look at her.

"I like it, I like it a lot. Have you had a lot of people interested in this place?"

"A few people have come over to check it out but no one has made an offer yet. One family found it too small while for another person it was too big," Hannah sighed, looking out of the window on the other side of the room. Dean shoot a look at Castiel, a wordless question. Castiel nodded with a smile.

"Well, you just got your first offer then. I would very much like to move in here," Dean grinned happily. Hannah looked back at him, a big smile spreading on her face.

"Really? That's amazing! I'm planning on moving to Chicago, I already have a place there and a job just waiting for me, but I can't move before I've sold this place. I'm really happy to hear that you are interested in buying this!" she explained, excitement coloring her voice.

"And to think I wasn't even going to buy an apartment, I was looking for a place to rent, but I don't know, I just really like this place. The price you are asking is reasonable so what the hell, why not!" Dean smiled. Hannah looked like she wanted to jump up and down on her spot for how excited she was.

Dean filled in the paperwork, making an official offer of the place. Hannah promised to take the papers to her attorney the first thing on Thursday morning. If everything would go well and neither Dean or Hannah would change their minds, Dean would have his own apartment at the end of the week. Hannah promised to start packing and getting her own moving to Chicago going as soon as possible. Dean could hopefully move in two weeks.

Dean and Castiel stepped out of the building and stopped to stand in front of Dean's car.

"Congratulations. The place looked really nice," Cas smiled, "I made sure there is no rats or mold," he had a little twinkle in his eyes. Dean chuckled.

"Yeah, I noticed. Thank you so much, Cas, seriously. You were a huge help today," Dean really meant it.

"Oh, it's okay. I'm happy I could help you," Cas smiled.

A silence fell between them where they both just looked at the other. To Dean the silence felt like neither of them quite knew what else to say but neither of them wanted to leave just yet.

Finally, Dean remembered something.

"Hey, I need boxes!" Dean said way too excitedly and Cas looked at him a little confused. "I mean like, I need moving boxes. If you don't have anything else right now, could you come with me to buy those? I think the hardware store has a lot of folded cardboard boxes in different sizes," Dean asked. Suddenly it felt a little awkward to him, to ask Cas to come buy some fucking boxes with him just because Dean didn't want to let him go just yet.

To his surprise, Cas smiled at him.

"Yeah, I don't have anything, I can come," he was already walking towards the passenger side door of the Impala before Dean could completely comprehend that he had just said yes to one of the most desperate excuses Dean had ever used in his life to get someone to spend time with him.

"Oh.. Okay, cool," he walked to the car. As soon as he unlocked the doors Cas jumped in.

After walking around the big hardware store for some time they finally found the moving boxes. They loaded a huge pile of them to the cart that Cas pushed. Dean walked behind him since the smaller aisles were too narrow for them to walk side by side.

Cas was wearing the new jeans he had bought last Saturday. Dean made a mental note that his eyes hadn't been lying at the clothing store; Cas's ass did look amazing in those jeans. It looked more than amazing, it looked fucking delicious. Dean couldn't stop his brain when it started to go through all the things he'd like to do to that ass.

He was so caught up imagining ripping the jeans off of Cas and pushing inside him that he didn't even notice that Cas had stopped before he almost walked into him.

"You should totally cover every single wall in your new apartment with this!" Cas grinned widely. Dean blinked once before turning to look at what he was holding.

They had arrived at the wallpaper section of the store and Cas was looking at the displayed pieces. In his hands he had a small roll of baby blue wallpaper that had tiny... were those guinea pigs? Baby blue wallpaper with tiny cartoon guinea pigs all over it.

It was the most hideous wallpaper Dean had ever seen. When he looked back up at Cas he saw how badly he was trying to hold back his laughter.

"You are completely right, I should!" Dean agreed loudly. Cas couldn't hold his laughter in any longer, he burst out laughing so hard he almost dropped the wallpaper roll.

"It's horrible! I kind of like it anyway. I mean, I wouldn't put this anywhere in my apartment but... I still kind of like it," Cas said, looking at the wallpaper with sudden fondness in his eyes.

"Because of the guinea pigs?" Dean asked. Cas turned to look at him surprised.

Dean explained, "I remember you loved them when we were young. You went to the local pet store at least three times a week just to look at the guinea pigs they had there. You had five or six different books about them. It was pretty adorable," he gently nudged Castiel's side with his shoulder, making him blush as he looked back down to the wallpaper he was holding.

"I... How did you remember that?" he glanced up at Dean, that blush still coloring his cheeks.

"I don't know. I remember a lot about you. About us," Dean said the last part quietly.

Cas turned to look at him curiously.

"Oh. Like what?"

"Well... I don't know, a lot. Like that guinea pig thing and the way your room smelled. I remember your old bike, how I always had to fix it for you but you just didn't want to get a new one. I remember that your favorite food was burgers because they made you happy, that you never let me kill a single spider. I... I remember..." Dean stopped, swallowed once, quickly looking down and then back to Castiel's wide eyes. "I remember how it felt to kiss you and how you always made me feel," Dean whispered, then just waited for Castiel's reaction.

Cas stayed quiet for a long time, he just blinked at Dean with his mouth slightly open, making Dean feel more and more nervous with every passing second.

"How did I make you feel?" Cas asked so quietly that if they hadn't been standing so close to each other Dean would've missed it.

"Happy. You always made me feel happy, Cas. Happier than anyone else ever has," Dean whispered back.

Suddenly there were tears in his eyes.

Dean tried to blink them away. He turned to look down to his feet to hide them from Castiel.

"Dean..." Cas breathed out but Dean just shook his head.

"I know Cas, it's pathetic. I mean, we were together merely a year a decade ago," he shook his head, forcing out a small chuckle.

Cas took a small step closer to him but Dean moved a step back.

Castiel stopped.

"I'm okay, I'm good," Dean took a deep breath to calm himself down.

He lifted his head high up and blinked repeatedly before looking back at Cas. He couldn't look him in the eyes so instead, he concentrated his gaze on Castiel's left cheekbone. "We can go now. I mean, I don't need anything else but the boxes,"his voice was still wavering a little.

Castiel blinked once before looking down to his hands where he was still holding the wallpaper.

"Oh. Okay, yeah," Cas put the wallpaper roll back to its place before taking a grip of the cart again.

They walked to the cashier in silence.


	7. The move

Just a few days later Dean was packing the rest of his belongings. His mother insisted on helping him, even though Dean said multiple times that he would be fine doing it on his own. Apparently she had forced Sam to join in since he and Jess were there too, packing Dean's belongings in the big cardboard boxes Dean and Cas had bought earlier.

"Mom, you know I'm okay with this divorce? I'm not going to break down crying if that’s what you are afraid of," Dean spoke calmly as he boxed the folded clothes his mother handed him.

Mary looked up surprised.

"What makes you say so?" she asked, handing another pile of clothes to him.

"Isn't that what this is all about? You feel like you need to be here for me or something? Seriously mom, I'm good, getting a divorce was my idea. It's what I need. I'm telling the truth when I say I'm okay," Dean smiled gently at his mother. Mary sighed and re-folded another t-shirt.

"You can't blame a mother for taking care of her child, no matter how old the kid is. It's what we do," she smiled, "and I like helping you, no one likes moving. I want to do my part to make it a little easier for you."

Dean looked at her for a second.

"Thanks, mom,” Dean said quietly, looking down to the box in front of him. "This one is almost full, I should tape it closed. Hey, Sammy! Where did you put the tape?" he called to the other room. Soon Sam appeared in the doorway and threw the box tape to him.

"Hey, we don't know which DVDs are yours and which are Lisa's, could you come help with those?" he nodded towards the living room.

"Yeah, sure. You okay here, mom?" Dean turned to ask her.

"You think I can't pack a pile of clothes on my own?" she grinned, making Dean chuckle.

"Just yell if you need anything," Dean smiled before moving past her to the living room where Sam and Jess were arguing whether _The Devil Wears Prada_ was Dean's or Lisa's.

"It's Lisa's, come on guys,” Dean snatched the DVD from Jess's hand and put it back on the shelf.

"You sure?" Sam grinned. Dean rolled his eyes.

"Yes, I'm sure. But I'm not ashamed to admit that it was a good movie and I really enjoyed watching it," his tone let both Jess and Sam know the conversation was over.

"Okay, so is there like a Dean's shelf and Lisa's shelf in here or are they all just mixed together?" Jess asked, sitting on her knees in front of the big bookshelf, looking over the rows and rows of DVDs.

"They are all just a mess there. All the action movies, batman, and other superhero movies are mine, the documentaries are Lisa's and so are most of the romantic movies. Horror movies are mine, she doesn't watch those. So that gives you some kind of picture, but you should probably ask before you box any of these." Dean listed as he sat down next to her on the floor and pulled the box closer to them. Jess nodded before picking five DVDs off the shelf.

"I could go over the CDs, I don't think it takes three people to box movies. And I know what you listen to so I probably won't even have to ask," Sam moved to the other end of the bookshelf. Dean nodded in agreement.

For a long moment, they just boxed the movies and CDs, chatting about anything and everything. Sam and Jess asked every now and then if the movie or CD was Dean's or Lisa's.

They left everything that belonged to Lisa to the bookshelf and put everything that was Dean's into the box.

At one point when Sam and Jess were debating whether some movie was Dean's or not Dean sneaked to the computer desk. It was antique, a big sturdy oak desk with drawers on the right side of it.

The top drawer was locked. Dean pulled his keys out of his pocket. There, next to his car keys was an old metal key.

Dean opened the drawer, quickly gathering everything inside of it into a brown file pocket.

He closed the drawer but left it unlocked before separating the old key from the key ring. He left the key on the desk for Lisa to find.

When they were done the shelves looked pretty empty.

Jess let out a sad sigh. "That looks horrible. It looks like a part of it got ripped out. Lisa is probably going to feel bad when she sees this. I don't know, to me this makes it all look so real,” she turned to look at Dean with sad eyes. Dean pulled her to his side, rubbing her arm soothingly.

"Hey, this is what I want, remember? I'm okay, you don't need to worry about me. And Lisa will be okay eventually. She doesn't seem so sad anymore, she'll get over this," he smiled gently down at her.

"Yeah, I know. Is she still at work?" Jess asked. Dean let go of her.

"Yeah, evening shift, won't be back home until around nine," Dean glanced up at the clock on the wall. It was just past six in the evening, they had been packing his things for over three hours now. "I'll go check up on mom," he gestured towards the guest bedroom which now served as his room.

Dean walked to the bedroom's doorway and stopped in shock when he saw what Mary had laid on the bed.

Next to the boxes and folded clothes laid Dean's purple dildo. His cheeks turned red from embarrassment, he almost felt like throwing up when his stomach twisted violently.

"Umm..." he didn't know what to say. Mary turned to look at him when she heard him.

"Oh, hi dear, didn't hear you coming in. Did you three get the DVDs packed away?" she asked as she pushed a pile of Dean's underwear into a box.

"Yeah... Yeah, we did. And the CDs," he swallowed hard. He tried not to look at the dildo laying on the bed but it was drawing his eyes towards it like magnets. Mary looked down to it too.

"Oh, I found that in your underwear drawer. Is it yours ,honey?" she asked. The look on her face was unreadable. Her tone sounded kind and not bothered at all but Dean knew what his parents thought about his sexuality, they had made it more than clear ten years ago, so Dean wasn't sure what his mother was really thinking.

"What? No! It's Lisa's!" he shrieked a bit too loudly.

In a second, Sam and Jess were peeking over his shoulder into the room. Fucking curious couple. Sam tried to cover his chuckle with a cough when his eyes caught the item in topic where as Jess's face flushed bright red.

"But it was in your room, in your underwear drawer," Mary argued, making Dean's face turn at least three shades redder.

"Well she has obviously forgotten it here after... using it. Mom, I'm telling you, it's not mine!" Dean argued back, trying to sound as convincing as possible.

Sam gently nudged his shoulder so Dean turned to look at him. Sam didn't say anything but gave him a knowing look. Dean just growled at him under his breath but Sam just kept grinning.

Dean turned to look at his mother again. Mary was looking at him with suspicious eyes until she finally, after what felt like an eternity, shrugged and turned back to packing Dean's clothes.

"Well, she should take better care of her...  things. I left you some clean clothes in the drawers but I packed the majority of them. You should be good with those until you get to your new apartment," she said as she taped closed another box.

Dean hurried to lift it off the bed for her.

"Okay, thank you so much for all the help mom. And you two, too. You're all awesome. I don't think there is anything left that we could pack yet, I won't be moving away for another week or so. I can pack the rest later. Seriously, thank you so much to you all, you’ve been a huge help," Dean leaned in to quickly hug his mother who patted his back gently before leaning away. Dean saw how her eyes found the dildo still laying on the bed.

He felt bad. Not because he owned a dildo and used it on himself every now and then, but because Mary's hug had felt a tiny bit colder after she had seen it.

Mary left soon after, saying that she should go home and cook dinner before John would get home. Sam and Jess stayed a little longer, so Dean made them all coffee and they sat down around the kitchen table.

Sam had already drank two cups and Dean was almost done with his first one when his phone vibrated in his pocket.

_1 new message from Castiel_

Cas had never before texted Dean first. Well not since ten years ago, but still. Usually, it was Dean who contacted him. He furrowed his brow as he opened the message.

_"Hello Dean, how are you? :)"_ Was all the message said. Well, this was kind of... weird. But nice, definitely nice. Dean smiled fondly at his phone, starting to type a reply.

"Oh wow, who is texting you? Is it Cas?" Sam asked suddenly. Dean looked up to him mid-typing.

"Actually, it is, how did you know?" he asked. Sam's eyes widened a little.

"It was a guess based on the way your eyes basically shot animated hearts to your phone. What did he say?" Sam tried to lean over the table to see the screen of Dean's phone but Dean saved him the effort, turning the phone towards them.

"Just asking how I am," Dean pulled his phone back after the couple had read the message. Jess smiled brightly.

"Oh that's so sweet!" she smiled. Dean looked back down to the message.

"Yeah, it is but... I don't know, the last time we met a few days ago it ended pretty awkwardly. More than pretty awkwardly if I'm being honest. I said... Some things and I thought that maybe he wouldn't want to see me or talk to me again after that..." Dean sighed, looking out of the window.

"Oh no, Dean, did you say something rude?" Sam asked with a slightly angry look on his face. Dean turned to look at him.

"No! No nothing like that. I just... feelings and stuff. I don't really want to repeat the things I told him, especially not to you guys," Dean chuckled but it ended with a sigh. Sam watched him for a moment. Suddenly he got up and carried his cup to the sink.

"Well, we'll leave you to it. Don't screw this up, Dean,” he gently patted Dean's shoulder as he came to stand next to him.

Jess got up too, making her way to the hallway. Dean followed them to say goodbye, thanking them once again for all the help. Then they’re gone.

Dean walked back to the kitchen, picking up his phone from the table where he had left it.

_"Hi_ _,_ _Cas. I'm good, thank you. We just packed some of my things with my mom_ _,_ _Sam,_ _and his wife. What's up?"_ Dean sent back.

He walked to his bedroom with his phone in his hand. It vibrated again when he got into the room.

_"Oh, that sounds nice! :) Nothing much just wanted to see how you are doing since_ _it’s been a_ _couple of days_ _since the last time I saw you_ _:)"_ Cas texted.

Dean read the text over and over again. Did Cas miss him? He wanted to see how he was doing because they hadn't seen each other in days. That translates into ‘I miss you’, right?

Dean felt warm and giddy inside his chest. He licked his lips as he tried to come up with something to say. Then his eyes landed on the purple dildo that he had already almost forgotten about.

For a moment he considered whether to tell Cas about the little incident or not until he realized it was Cas, he would just laugh his ass off to the story. And maybe, just maybe he would imagine Dean using the toy and _maybe_ it would do something to him.

_"Actually, something really embarrassing happened while they were here..."_

In just a couple of seconds, Cas answered.

_"Oh do tell, I love stories that start like that! :P"_

Dean decided to just go for it.

_"So my mom was packing my clothes alone in my bedroom while the rest of us packed things in the living room. When I get back to my bedroom I notice that my mom has found my... Well, I might have a toy. And then she started asking about it_ _._ _Sam and Jess saw it too."_ Dean wrote and then just waited for Cas's reply.

It came almost as quickly as his previous message.

_"Oh my, tha_ _t’s_ _hilarious. What did you tell them? That your own hand or a warm towel roll just isn't good enough? :D"_

Oh, Cas thought the toy was a fleshlight or something like that.

_"Umh.. Actually, it's the other kind of toy. I told them it was Lisa's, not sure if they bought it or not..."_ Dean corrected him.

This time, it took way longer for Cas to reply, and when he finally did it was just a tiny;

_"Oh."_

_"You okay there Cas?"_

He wasn't sure why it took Cas so long to type two letters but he decided that the reason could be either very good or very bad. He hoped it was the good one.

_"Yes_ _,_ _I'm good. I just, I somehow assumed that you'd have the other kind of toy, that's all. Got me by surprise,"_ Cas answered.

Dean thought about it for a moment. He was talking with his ex-boyfriend about what kind of toys Dean used to get himself off. This was definitely a new one. Right now Dean could either change the subject or throw more fuel into the flames.

After pondering it for about three seconds he went with option number two.

_"Seriously? Don't you remember anything from when we were together?"_ Dean typed, hesitating for a second before hitting send. Once again it took Cas a moment to answer.

_"I remember plenty. And now that you mentioned it, it doesn't surprise me at all anymore,"_ Cas's answer made Dean chuckle.

Maybe his little plan was working the way he was hoping for.

_"That's what I thought ;)"_

For some reason, he was a little surprised when his phone soon vibrated again as another message from Castiel arrived.

_"Actually, I had a reason to text you. I wanted to ask you if you'd like to have a movie night with me sometime? Friends have movie nights, right? We could hang out at my place :)"_

Dean swallowed hard. Except for the 'friends' part, the message sounded a lot like a date invite. They had just talked about his masturbation habits and now Cas was practically asking him out?

He tried not to think too deep into it but found it hard not to.

_"Yeah sure, that sounds great! When do you wanna do it? I mean have the movie night!"_ Dean chewed on his bottom lip as he waited for Cas's reply.

_"Well, maybe sometime next week? I'm busy for the beginning of the week, we have field trips with the classes so maybe on Thursday? Or Friday? Whichever works for you :) I have the next weekend off as well,"_ Cas told him

Dean thought about his own schedule. On Thursday he had a longer day at work because he was supposed to have a dinner meeting with some customers, so he'd probably be too tired for a movie night after work.

_"Friday works great for me! :) Is it okay if I come around at 6pm?"_ he asked.

_"Yes, sounds perfect. I'll see you then :)"_

Dean thought to himself that he wouldn't mind seeing Cas before that. Next Friday was still six days away.

                                                    

The first three days of the new week were filled with work and packing. Dean was pretty beat at the end of Wednesday. He had two days of work left until he'd see Castiel again.

He fantasized about being allowed to curl next to Castiel, lean his head on his shoulder and have Castiel's arm wrapped around him while they'd watch the movie. Dean was a cuddler, even though he wouldn't admit it out loud. Dean sighed heavily to the thought that he might never have that with Castiel again. He felt a tightness squeezing around his chest again.

He had thought about this whole _being_ _just_ _friends_ _with_ _Cas_ thing a lot lately. At first, he had thought Cas just didn't feel like that about him, that he really saw nothing but friendship in their future. But that thought had been more or less proven wrong at the beach a couple of weeks ago. There was definitely something there, if not anything else then at least sexual tension, pure lust from both of them.

People didn't usually get so horny that they could barely control themselves over someone they had no feelings for. So if Cas did feel something for him, like Dean hoped he would, then why was he doing this? Was it because Dean was practically still married and Cas didn't want to be a home breaker, even though the home was already broken?

No matter how much Dean thought about it, he could never know unless he asked Cas, which was something that would probably never happen unless they got really drunk together. Dean decided in that moment that getting drunk with Castiel wouldn't be a good idea and therefore should never happen. If Dean had a hard time controlling himself around him when they were both sober it would be impossible while being drunk.

                                                  

The dinner meeting with the customers on Thursday night was a lot of fun but exhausting at the same time. Some of the guys decided to order drinks, insisting on Dean having some too. If there is something Dean Winchester doesn't do, it's to turn down free drinks, so on Friday morning when he woke up his head was throbbing and the light hurt his eyes.

He gulped down a big glass of water, rubbing his temples roughly when his phone beeped. He groaned to the sound but checked the message anyway.

It was from Hannah, who was telling him that the apartment was now empty, asking where to bring him the keys. Dean texted her his work address since he needed to be heading there soon anyway.

A couple hours later Hannah wandered into Dean's office.

"Oh thank god, it took me forever to find you! I asked some guy for directions but with his instructions I ended up on the other side of the building," she sighed as Dean lifted his head to look at her.

"Thank you for bringing the keys for me, it was very nice of you," he smiled as he got up from his desk and walked around it to her. Hannah dug the keys from her purse and handed them to him.

Dean looked at them for a moment, slowly running his thumb over them.

"No problem at all, I had a few other final things to take care of in town anyway, so I'm just passing by here," Hannah smiled sweetly.

"Thank you again, and I hope Chicago treats you well," Dean looked up from the keys, smiling back at her.

"Thank you, Dean. I hope you'll love your new home. I left a little something for you there," Hannah grinned.

Before he could ask anything about what she meant by that she continued, "so can you tell me the fastest way to get out of here? I swear to god this building didn't look this big from the outside," she chuckled.

Dean let out a small laugh.

"Yeah, sure. Just turn right from my door and walk to the end of the hallway. There are elevators on the left," Dean smiled.

Hannah's eyes widened. "And I ran stairs from floor to floor!"

Dean laughed again.

"Oh well, take care, Dean. We might see each other sometime in the future."

"Yeah, who knows, maybe we will. If not, have a great life," Dean chuckled.

Hannah quickly waved her hand at him before disappearing from the doorway. Dean smiled after her before turning to look at the keys in his hand.

He had a new apartment, his own place.

Dean walked to his desk to dig out his phone from under a pile of papers.

_"Hey Cas, can I ask a favor? I know we planned on having a movie night today, but I just got the keys to my new apartment! I'd like to move in asap and I was wondering if maybe you'd like to help me? I'd ask Sam but he has some big case going on so he can't make it. I could get off from work earlier today to start the move. When do you get off?"_

Almost an hour later Castiel texted back.

_"Hi, Dean. Yeah, of course! We can do the movie night later :) I get off in two hours so we could start in three? Is that good for you?"_

Dean smiled at his phone _._

_"Yeah, I'll be ready. I'll come pick you up from your place then_!"

Dean got back to work after Cas answered him with a quick _"ok!"_

Dean had worked so much overtime recently that he was able to leave around two in the afternoon. The first thing he did was to drive to his uncle Bobby's garage.

"Hey, Bobby!" Dean greeted when he stepped into the dusty, dark office. Bobby looked up from his ancient computer.

"Dean! I thought you had already forgotten this old guy completely, haven't seen you in ages!" Bobby was looking a little hurt and grumpy.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I should come by more often, I've just been so busy lately," he really did feel sorry about it. Bobby wasn't family by blood but he definitely was like family to both Dean and Sam.

"Save the excuses, boy. What do you want?" Bobby groaned.

"Well, actually I was going to ask if I could borrow a van?" Dean asked carefully, embarrassed of coming here after not seeing Bobby in a long time just to borrow a car.

"What do you need that for?" Bobby asked with a furrowed brow.

"I just got keys to my own place but I can't fit shit into the Impala."

The look on Bobby's face melted a little into something less angry.

"Oh right, heard about the divorce. I'm sorry about that. How are you doing?" Bobby leaned in over the table, sounding sincerely concerned.

"I'm good, thanks. It was mostly my idea anyway, so I'm completely okay with it. Lisa wasn't the one for me so it's better this way," Dean explained. Bobby smiled gently.

"I'm glad to hear that. Okay, let's go see the vans!" Bobby slapped his hand on his desk before pushing up from his chair. He took a small set of keys from the wall and Dean followed him to the back of the building.

Bobby pushed open the back door to the yard where all the cars were, quickly leading Dean to one.

"You can take this one," he tossed the keys to Dean as they stopped next to an old rusty van.

Dean looked at it incredulously before looking up to Bobby.

"Seriously? You are giving me the oldest, crappiest van you have in this yard? The floor on the back will probably crash down if I throw a shoebox in there!" Dean gestured towards the car. Bobby just cocked an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest.

"That's what you get for not visiting your old uncle in weeks. Now get moving, I have work to do! And if you break my van I'm keeping the Impala," Bobby threatened. Dean knew he wasn't serious so he just rolled his eyes and chuckled.

"Okay, well thanks, I guess. I try to get her back to you today but it might go overnight," he said as he unlocked the driver's side door. Bobby just waved his arm, wordlessly telling him not to worry about it.

Dean parked the old van to their driveway and jogged to the door. He should pick Cas up in half an hour but he was still in his work clothes.

He quickly changed to something more fitting for moving, deciding on going with loose sweatpants and a t-shirt. He wished he could already pack some of the stuff to the car so after he picked up Cas they could just drive straight to Dean's new place and start unloading the car, but he was already in a hurry so he just made sure he got all the keys and his phone with him before he hurried back to the van.

As he turned the corner to Cas's street Cas was already standing on the sidewalk in front of his building. When Cas spotted him on the driver's seat he burst out laughing so hard that Dean could see it clearly.

Dean was also able to see what Cas was wearing. Cas had gone with sweatpants too, it was just that his were a lot more snuggly than Dean's, just like his t-shirt was a lot tighter that the one Dean was wearing. Cas looked amazing. Dean had never thought anyone could look that great in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt but Cas did. It was unfair.

"What's so funny?" Dean asked as he leaned out a little from his open side window. Cas walked closer to the car, looking up at Dean, then checking the van again.

"Nothing, it's just... I could hear you miles away! And I think a piece of your van dropped on the street," he nodded to the direction where Dean had come from.

Dean leaned out even more to look back on the street in horror.

Cas cracked up again. "I was joking. Nice car," he tried so hard to stop laughing.

"Stop mocking my ride and get in!" Dean faked annoyance but couldn't hide his smile when Cas went around the car, still giggling. When Cas was in Dean turned the car around, driving back to the house.

Cas looked around the spacious living room while Dean carried some of the boxes from his bedroom closer to the front door.

"This looks very..." Cas started but didn't finish.

Dean put the box down next to him and straightened back up.

"Looks very what?"

Cas turned to look at him.

"Looks very straight apple pie life," he shrugged.

Dean laughed, shaking his head.

"Yeah, well, guess why I'm running away from here?" Dean asked with a grin. Instead of laughing Castiel just looked at him with a serious, slightly surprised expression on his face.

"Are you running away, Dean?"

Dean's grin died on his lips and he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Well... Kind of, yeah, I guess I am. I mean... I realized this wasn't the life for me, that Lisa wasn't the one I was supposed to ever marry. I just had to put a stop to this before it would get even more serious, I mean like having kids serious, so maybe that could be called running away," Dean explained awkwardly.

Castiel had a follow-up question ready right away.

"What made you realize that?"

Dean almost said it.

He almost let the small word slip past his lips but managed to keep it in.

_You._

_You made me realize it. Seeing you again after all these years made me realize that this isn't the life I want, that Lisa isn't the one I want to be with. You made me realize that I never actually got over you,  that you are the only one who has ever made me truly happy._

_It was all you, Castiel._

"I don't know, it was one of those _'woke_ _up_ _one_ _morning_ _and_ _realized_ _this_ _isn't_ _what_ _I_ _want_ _in_ _life'_ kind of experience I guess," Dean lied, averting his eyes from Castiel.

Cas stayed quiet for a moment but then seemed to accept Dean's explanation since he squatted down and picked up one of the heaviest boxes.

"Are the back doors of the van open?" he asked as he straightened up.

"Yeah, I'll come open them for you," Dean moved to open the front door for him.

They loaded the car up pretty quickly. Even though most of Dean's stuff fit in but they'd have to make another trip to get the last few boxes.

"So, where's your wife?" Cas asked suddenly as they were driving towards Dean's new place.

Dean glanced towards him but quickly turned to look in front of him. He shifted a little in his seat and cleared his throat before speaking.

"At work. I think she has asked her boss for more hours just so she wouldn't have to be at home at the same time with me. She doesn't tell me where she's been when she gets home late and I don't ask since it's none of my business anymore. I don't see her a lot these days, I just can tell she's been home by an empty bowl in the sink or wet floor in the bathroom," he spoke calmly.

"How is she taking all this?"

"Quite well, I think. She wasn't too happy when I told her about--" Dean cut himself off, quickly checking if Castiel had noticed his almost slip, but he was just staring out of the window. Dean cleared his throat, "when I told her that I want a divorce. But I think she's doing better now. I hope she is," he turned to look at Cas who was now staring back at him.

"You should talk to her, or let her talk to you. See how she is really doing, if there is anything you can do to help her. She is still your wife, after all," Cas said. Dean had to admit he was right.

"Yeah. I will. I'm not sure she wants to talk to me but I'll try," he agreed quietly. Castiel nodded.

Dean parked the car as close to the main door of the building as he could and they started to unload the van. Dean was thankful for the elevator, even though it was just three stories high.

When they got into the apartment Dean spotted something on the kitchen counter. He put down the box he was carrying, moving closer.

It was a note from Hannah saying _"Hi Dean, and welcome to_ _your new_ _home. I hope you like it here!"_ Next to it was a box of chocolates.

"Look at this!" Dean held both the chocolate and the note up for Cas to see, a big smile on his face.

Cas walked up to him and took the note from his hands.

"That's so sweet of her. I wish we would have known her before, she seems like a really nice person," Cas said after reading the note, handing it back to Dean.

"Yeah, she does," Dean smiled fondly to the box of chocolates. He put them back on the counter and clapped his hands together. "Okay, back to work then, shall we?"

They went back outside to get more boxes from the van.

Dean watched as Cas carried box after box. He couldn't help but stare the way his muscles flexed when he picked up a heavy box, or how his ass looked when he squatted down to lift yet another one. It got even worse when Cas started to get a little sweaty, the already tight t-shirt clung to his body.

Dean didn't mean to stare but it wasn't his fault Cas looked good enough to eat in everything he ever wore. When Cas turned around Dean could see just how snug those sweatpants were; he saw the obvious bulge on the front of his pants.

He swallowed hard. He couldn't turn his gaze away, he tried but he couldn't.

It had been so long, too long since he had gotten fucked by a man, and now Cas was there looking better than ever all sweaty, wrapped in tight clothes, his hair messy and his pants bulging.

Dean was about to lose it.

His mouth watered. His dick was immediately with him when he imagined Cas bending him over, fucking him into next week over the kitchen counter.

Shit, he wasn't going to get through the day without either having Cas fuck him hard and good, or ruining their friendship by making a move on Cas.

"Dean? Dean!" Cas's voice broke through his thoughts, making him snap out of it.

With a blink and a quick shake of his head, he looked up to Castiel's slightly annoyed face.

"Wh-what?" Dean stammered, his face flushed deep red when he realized Cas must have noticed him staring at his crotch.

"Are you gonna help me with these or not?" Cas asked with a tight voice, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, yes of course. Sorry."

Cas rolled his eyes as he turned towards the door. Dean walked behind him, quickly adjusting his half-hard cock, desperately trying to hide it.

The rest of the day went pretty smoothly, even if Dean couldn't keep his eyes away from Cas, and Cas might or might not have noticed a couple of times. Dean figured that as long as he was able to keep his hands to himself everything would be good.

Finally, they carried the last boxes into the apartment. Dean set his box down, smiling brightly.

"So, that's it. I've officially moved!" he rubbed his hands together as he looked around his box-filled home.

"Not to piss on your cereal but... You don't have a bed. Or a mattress. Where are you going to sleep?" Cas asked.

Dean turned to look at him.

"Fuck, you are right! How didn't I even realize that! Shit! And it's too late now to go buy a bed or even a mattress," he rubbed a hand over his face, groaning loudly at his own stupidity.

"I have an extra mattress, we could bring it here until you get a new bed," Cas suggested.

Dean lowered his hand from his face.

"Really? That would be amazing, Cas. Thank you!" he was so happy he almost hugged Castiel but lowered his arms quickly before Cas could even notice what he had been about to do. "Why do you even have an extra mattress?" he asked to break the awkward moment that only he was sensing.

"We uh... I had a queen bed before, but after me and-- after I moved here I got a single so now I have an extra mattress," Cas bit his lower lip again.

Oh. So Cas had lived with someone and moved here after they had broken off. Which meant Cas was going to borrow him a mattress he had had sex on with someone else for god knows how many times.

Dean tried to push that thought away because it made him feel weirdly jealous. It's not like Dean hadn't had sex with a lot of people in the last ten years, both women and men, yet the thought of Cas sleeping with anyone else but Dean felt wrong. Just like all the sex Dean had ever had with other people had also always felt wrong on some level.

Dean wondered if Cas had felt the same or if there was just something very badly wrong somewhere deep inside of him.

After they went to get the mattress from Cas's place and brought it to Dean's place Dean opened the box of chocolate. He offered it to Cas who took a piece, popping it into his mouth.

"I swear I'll make this up to you somehow, I couldn't have survived this move without you," he smiled tiredly at Cas.

"It's okay Dean, you don't need to make anything up to me. I'm glad I could help you," Cas said with a smile that made the corners of his eyes crinkle just the tiniest bit. He looked absolutely adorable.

Just to stop himself from leaning in and kissing him, Dean turned to look down to the chocolate box.

"No, I'll come up with something. I promise," he looked back up at Cas.

Suddenly Cas pressed his hand on Dean's shoulder and looked him in the eyes, standing an arm's length from him.

Dean's eyes widened in surprise. Cas hadn't touched him on purpose before.

"Thank you, Dean. Oh god, I'm beat!" Cas chuckled pinching the bridge of his nose. He shut his eyes tightly, practically leaning his hand on Dean's shoulder.

For a second Dean forgot how to breathe.

"If you need any help carrying something anytime soon, please don't call me. I won't be lifting anything in a while!" Cas joked as he opened his eyes to look at Dean.

It took Dean a second to get back on track. When he did, he huffed a laugh.

He wanted to grab the hand that was still holding onto his shoulder, to pull Cas closer into a kiss or a hug, but both of those felt inappropriate at that moment, so Dean just stood still like a statue, waiting for Castiel to move first.

Cas patted his shoulder twice before pulling his hand away. "I should probably go," he turned to look down.

Dean blinked twice before reacting.

"Do you want me to give you a lift? I need to take the van back to Bobby's anyway," he offered, but Cas shook his head.

"No, thank you, I think a little walking will do me good right now. Let's reschedule that movie night later, okay?" Cas smiled sweetly.

"Or we could do it tomorrow? You said you have the weekend off. I have nothing planned for tomorrow," Dean suggested way too eagerly.

Cas looked at him for a minute before answering.

"Okay, sure. Why not, if you can handle hanging out with me two nights in a row," Cas smirked.

Dean wasn't sure if it was just a joke or if Cas was referring to Dean staring at him a lot during the day.

Had Cas noticed Dean's arousal earlier? If he had, at least he hadn't mentioned anything about it, which Dean was grateful for.

They agreed on six o'clock. Dean promised to bring snacks if Cas took care of the drinks, which he promised to do.

Dean stared at Cas's back as he walked towards his own apartment before Dean jumped to the driver's seat and drove off to Bobby's.

The garage was empty and locked when Dean got to the yard. He dropped the keys to the van into the locked mailbox on the side of the building, just like Bobby told everyone to do if they returned the cars late at night.

He'd bake something for him as a thank you, maybe an old fashioned apple pie. The old man could pretend otherwise but Dean knew he loved those.

Getting behind the Impala's wheel again felt like coming home after driving that rusty monster. Dean relaxed into the seat, breathing deeply in and out once before starting the engine.

As the first thing he did when he got back to his new apartment he made a bed for himself. Good thing he had pillows and sheets so the mattress felt almost like a real bed.

It took him some time to find the box that had most of his towels and toiletries.

He headed to the bathroom for a quick shower before heading to bed. He thought about jacking off for a minute, but he was too tired to do so, even when the images of Castiel in less and less clothes filled his mind as soon as he closed his eyes.

Before he could even get hard he had already drifted off to sleep.

 


	8. Movie night

On Saturday Dean slept late, and when he finally got up he was too sore to go shopping for a new bed like he had originally planned. His muscles were screaming so instead of dragging his ass out of the door he decided to just look at the bed selection in the IKEA web store. There was an IKEA department store two towns over that he'd have to make a trip to really soon.

He kept looking at the clock on his phone every thirty minutes, excitement and nervousness growing inside of him every time the clock told him it was getting closer to 6pm.

At five, he was already dressed in the outfit he planned to wear to their movie night. He had chosen a pair of light jeans and a black t-shirt that was just on the good side of tight on him. He would use that as a payback for the outfit Cas had been wearing yesterday.

 A little past five he had had enough of pacing around the living room so he decided to just go to the store to buy the snacks, then head over to Cas's.

He bought three bags of candy, two bags of chips and a family pack of microwaveable popcorn. It might've been a bit too much for two people but at least he could be completely sure they wouldn't run out of snacks tonight.

He still had twenty minutes to kill so he just sat in his car playing some pointless game on his phone for ten minutes until he decided it was close enough to six for him to head over to Cas´ place without looking overeager.

Cas opened the door wearing a light blue button-up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. The three top buttons had been left open, giving Dean a nice view of Cas´s long neck and collar bone. He was wearing dark jeans but no socks, walking around bare feet, which was weirdly endearing to Dean. The rest of his look wasn't endearing, no. The rest of his look was fucking hot, so hot that Dean almost wanted to turn on his heels and run away just to make sure he wouldn't do anything stupid. But Cas had asked him to spend the evening with him so of course he would. That´s why he forced himself to look up to Castiel's eyes, throwing him the friendliest of smiles.

"Hi, come in," Castiel stepped to the side to let him in.

Cas pushed the door closed behind him as Dean kicked off his shoes.

"I brought snacks. I wanted to bake something but I don't really have anything in my new apartment, so store bought treats will have to do!" he announced with a huge smile, holding up the big grocery bag. Cas looked at the bag, then up to Dean.

"That looks like a lot. Let me see," he stepped closer, holding out his hand for Dean to hand him the bag. Cas took the bag and looked inside. "You do realize that it's just you and me? I haven't invited half of the town over." He raised an eyebrow at Dean.

"Yeah, I know, I just couldn't decide and I kinda wanted everything so I bought everything. But hey, at least we won't run out of snacks!" Dean shrugged his shoulders in a joking manner. Cas dug something up from the bag.

"I'm sure we won't with... ten bags of popcorn? Dean!" Cas laughed as he looked at the family pack he was holding. Dean just gave him an innocent 'oops' face.

"So, are you gonna give me a house tour or not?" Dean looked around the small hallway they were still standing in.

"Yeah, sure. Follow me," Cas turned to walk further into the apartment.

Dean was more than happy to follow Castiel's swaying ass into the kitchen.

Together they put the chips into a big bowl that Cas dug out from a cabinet next to the oven, bending down to reach to the back of the shelf, giving Dean a nice view of his ass. He tried not to stare, he really did but he couldn't tear his eyes away. And of course, the bowl Cas wanted to put the candy in was on the top shelf of another cabinet so that he had to rise to his toes to reach up for it, which made his shirt ride up enough to give Dean a sneak peek of his hipbones. Dean rolled his eyes because come on, wasn't anything in this kitchen on eye level?

 He felt like a horny teenager drooling over a tiny flash of skin and a guy bending over in the same room with him but he couldn't help it. It had been years since the last time he'd gotten fucked by a guy, any guy, and he missed it to put it lightly. He was craving for it, the need inside of him had been building for so long.

Then Castiel had appeared back into his life. The only person Dean had ever really loved, the only person who had ever made him feel like _that_ , the only person he really wanted to be with.

So yeah, he was feeling like a horny teenager but it was understandable.

"What would you like to drink?" Castiel asked, snapping Dean from his thoughts back into the real world. Cas was standing in front of the open fridge, looking at him, waiting for a reply.

"Um... What do you have?" Dean asked. Cas turned to look into the fridge.

"I got us beer, ciders and soda. I also have whiskey in the cabinet if you'd like that," Cas listed, looking back up to Dean.

"What are you having?"

Dean felt like a beer or a shot of whiskey might help calm him down, but he wasn't sure it would be a good idea. Maybe he should just stay sober, stick to the soda or water or anything that didn't have any alcohol in it.

"I think I'll have a beer," Castiel said as leaned down to pick a bottle. "So what do you want?"

"I'll take a soda if that's okay?" Dean asked.

Cas chuckled. "Of course it's okay, why wouldn't it be?" he leaned down again to pick a can for Dean.

When Cas was leaning into the fridge, all Dean could see of him was his ass poking right past the open door. He had to take a deep breath. Cas was fully clothed, but still Dean was having a hard time keeping his shit together.

This was going to be a long night.

Castiel asked Dean to carry the bowls of candy and chips to the living room as he carried their drinks. They decided to save the popcorn for later since they already had more than enough snacks for one movie night.

Cas set the unopened drinks on the coffee table, pulling it a little closer to the couch so they could reach the drinks and snacks better. When flopped down on the couch Dean hesitated a second before shyly sitting next to him, leaving a good amount of space between them.

"So, what are we watching?" he asked. He had left the responsibility of choosing the movie completely to Castiel, he had no idea what kind of movie Cas had picked.

Cas lifted up his laptop from the floor and pulled it open. Dean noticed that it was connected to the TV with a cable when Cas turned the TV on with the remote.

"We are watching this," Cas grinned as he clicked the movie player into the TV screen. A Marvel logo was flipping on the screen. It made Dean turn to look at him in surprise.

"A superhero movie? Really?"

Cas looked at him.

"Yeah, Captain America 2. What? You love superhero movies. Well, at least you used to, ten years ago," Cas defended his choice.

"Yeah, I still do, but you don't. At least you used to didn't, ten years ago," Dean pointed out. Cas turned to look at the TV.

"Well, I tried to pick something you would like... and superhero movies aren't that bad," Cas bit his lower lip. Dean just looked at him for a moment in silence.

"Thanks, Cas," he said before turning to look at the TV where the movie was just starting.

Dean did a shitty job at concentrating on the movie. He hadn't seen this one yet so he was actually interested in it, but Cas was sitting right next to him, jumping every time there was a sudden explosion in the film, giggling at the jokes and making little sounds when something, anything happened.

Dean spent the first forty minutes of the film stealing glances at him from the corner of his eye more than watching the movie.

Cas seemed to be completely pulled into the movie world so he didn't notice the way Dean eyed him up and down. He sat with his legs crossed in front of him on the couch, he didn't see the way Dean stared at his arms or the way he followed the movements of Castiel's hand as it rubbed the back of his neck.

Dean felt like it was getting hard to breathe.

All he could think about was pushing Cas down on the couch, ripping off all his clothes, get him to make those beautiful little sounds Dean hadn't heard in a decade.

He wanted to taste Cas, feel him under his hands, inside of him.

He wanted to make Castiel feel good and Castiel to make him feel good.

Suddenly Castiel pressed the space button on his laptop, pausing the movie.

"I need another drink. Do you need anything?" he asked as he got up.

He picked his empty beer bottle from the table. Dean looked up to him and shook his head. "Okay, I'll be right back." Cas pushed past him through the small gap between the couch and the coffee table.

As he went past him Dean could smell him. He wasn't sure if it was his shower gel, aftershave, perfume or deodorant but it didn't matter because Castiel smelled intoxicating.

Dean lost all of his self-control.

He pushed himself up from the couch and rushed into the kitchen.

Cas was bent down to pick another beer from the fridge when Dean got into the room. He obviously didn't notice Dean coming in since he didn't look up.

When Castiel straightened up and closed the door Dean took a grip of his shoulder, roughly turned him around, pressing his back against the fridge.

Cas yelped in surprise, the bottle dropping from his hand. By some miracle, it didn't break when it hit the floor.

"Dean, what are you---" Cas started but cut himself off when Dean pressed himself even closer to him.

"Cas, I can't control myself around you anymore. I want you more than I have ever wanted anything, I want you to bend me over that table and fuck me, I want you to take me on that couch. I need you to fuck me, Cas. If you won't stop me right now, I'm going to kiss you," Dean looked him deep into his eyes with a determined expression on his face.

Cas was gaping at him, his eyes wide open as he processed what Dean had just told him.

"Dean..." Cas breathed out.

"Is that you stopping me?" Dean almost whispered.

Cas stayed quiet for a few seconds, breathing fast and hard. He looked down to Dean's lips and back up to his eyes.

"No."

Dean pulled him closer by his shoulders at the same time as Castiel yanked him closer by his hips.

Their lips smashed against each other's, teeth clinging together. Dean's tongue was in Castiel's mouth immediately.

It was desperate, urgent, heated and Dean couldn't control himself. He lowered his hands from Cas' shoulder to work the buttons of his shirt open. Cas' hands traveled under Dean's shirt, one pressing against his lower back, the other one splayed over his side.

Dean pulled Castiel's shirt off, and Cas managed to rip Dean's shirt while pulling it off of him but neither of them cared about it.

Just as Dean's hands found the buttons of Castiel's jeans Cas took a grip of his hips and roughly pushed Dean away from him.

For a second Dean thought that he had changed his mind as he stumbled backwards until his ass hit the side of the kitchen table.

That fear was proven wrong when Castiel stepped close to him with a hungry look in his eyes, pressing him against the table and kissing him again. Dean moaned into the kiss, pulling him even closer by his hips.

"Couch," Castiel growled.

He took a grip on Dean's wrist, practically dragging him behind him into the living room. He shoved Dean down on the couch so that he fell down on his back.

"Stay," he commanded before rushing out of the room.

In just a minute he was back with lube and condoms.

Cas placed the items on the table as he kneeled on the floor in front of the couch. He worked Dean's jeans open quickly, pulling them down and off. He moved closer to kiss and gently bite on Dean's hips as his hand rubbed over Dean's erection through his boxers.

Dean moaned to the touch. Cas slowly pulled his boxers off too.

He leaned in but just as he sucked the head of Dean's cock into his mouth Dean stopped him.

"No, Cas, let me do that to you." Dean sat up. Cas looked at him surprised as he pulled away from his cock.

"You can do it to me in a minute, let me just---"

"No, Cas, I want to do that to you. I want to do everything to you. Come on, get up," Dean gestured. With a tiny bit of hesitation, Castiel got up from the floor.

Dean helped him out of the rest of his clothes before sitting Castiel down on the couch, kneeling on the floor between his legs.

Castiel's cock was hard and beautiful right in front of Dean's face, just like he remembered it. It had been years since he'd done this, he felt a little nervous but hoped he'd still be good at this.

He wrapped a hand around Cas's cock and swirled his tongue around the head a couple of times before sucking it into his mouth. Cas let out a quiet moan, his hands clenched against the couch.

"You can touch me," Dean whispered as he looked up to him, taking him back into his mouth.

Shyly Cas placed a hand on the back of Dean's head as he kept sucking him. His fingers pulled at Dean's hair gently, spurring him on.

Dean sucked him for a moment until his own lust got too much to ignore anymore. He snatched the lube from the table as he got up and straddled Cas's hips on the couch.

"Open me up," Dean breathed out quickly as he handed the tube to him.

"Are you sure?" Cas asked with wide eyes.

Dean answered his question by kissing him.

When Dean pulled away from the kiss Cas coated his fingers on his right hand with lube and snaked his arms around Dean. He pulled Dean's left ass cheek to the side a little to get a better access as he pressed his lubed fingers against his hole.

Dean moaned immediately to the feeling, taking a grip of Castiel's shoulders.

"Please, Cas..." he begged when Castiel kept just rubbing his entrance.

He let out a relieved sigh when Cas finally pushed one finger slowly into him. He moved the finger slowly in and out of him before adding another one.

Dean started to work back on his fingers, grinding his hips up and down against Castiel's hand. His eyes were closed so he missed the awed look Castiel was staring at him with.

After several minutes, Castiel added a third finger. Dean was almost shaking in his lap, fucking harder back onto his fingers, breathing in quick shallow puffs.

Dean pressed their lips back together. He pulled Castiel's lower lip between his teeth as he kept on fucking on Castiel's fingers.

"Cas... Fuck me, I need you to fuck me. Please, Cas..." Dean moaned, pressing his face against Castiel's shoulder.

"Fuck, Dean... Yeah, okay, yeah. Grab the condom for me."

Dean leaned back to reach to the table as Castiel pulled his fingers out of him. Dean opened the condom, rolling it over Castiel's cock. He covered Cas's cock with lube, throwing the tube carelessly next to them. He took a grip on Castiel's shoulders, lifting himself up so that Cas could guide himself into him.

Dean couldn't keep quiet when Castiel pushed in, his grip on Castiel's shoulders got tighter and tighter. Castiel let out a long moan as he bottomed out.

"Fuck, Dean, you are so tight. Holy shit," Cas panted as he stopped for a moment, letting them both adjust to the feeling.

Dean, on the other hand, didn't want to wait, he had waited for this long enough. Slowly he started to move his hips, grinding small circles on Cas's cock. Cas threw his head back, his eyes slipping closed but he kept his hands firmly on Dean's hips.

"Cas... Fuck me," Dean moaned.

Cas opened his eyes to find Dean staring at him with pleading eyes. Castiel nodded.

"Lean in a little," he guided.

When Dean did like he was told Cas slid them down a little to get a better position to really fuck into him. He kept Dean's ass high as he started to pound into him.

As soon as Cas really started to thrust into him Dean got even louder, moaning and whimpering, begging him to fuck him even harder, screaming Castiel's name.

Suddenly Cas wrapped his right arm around Dean's waist and lifted him up, getting himself off the couch too. He slipped out of Dean as he pressed him on his back on the couch. He quickly moved on top of him.

Dean was looking at him with wide eyes as Cas pulled his legs higher, spread his legs and pushed back into him. Their faces were close together as Cas moved slowly inside of him, looking deep into Dean's eyes.

 And suddenly there it was again, the feeling Dean had been chasing ever since he and Castiel had broken up, the feeling he'd never felt with anyone else than Castiel. That feeling of love and warmth, feeling of being safe and cared for, the feeling of being one with the other person.

The feeling came rushing back so hard that it practically slapped Dean in the face.

"I missed this, I missed this so much," Dean babbled before he could even try to stop himself. "I've missed you so much Cas, all these years. You are the only one I want, you are the one for me. I don't ever want to let you go again. I missed this so much," he kept talking. Cas looked down at him with wide eyes.

"Dean..." he breathed out.

"Cas, please, I've missed you so much," Dean was pleading, but he wasn't pleading to get fucked anymore, he was pleading for something so much more.

He was pleading for the rest of their lives to be spent together, for thousands of next times like this. He was pleading to get to go to sleep next to Cas every night, to get to wake up next to him every morning. To get a house, to adopt kids and two dogs together, to grow old with Castiel by his side.

If there was such thing as the one true love for everyone, Castiel was it for Dean. In Dean's mind, there was no question about it.

Castiel didn't say anything but he didn't stop either. He leaned down to kiss Dean slowly, deeply.

He picked up the pace, fucking Dean harder. He pressed his face against Dean's shoulder, and Dean tried so hard to ignore the fact that after everything he had just told him, Castiel wasn't saying anything, but the warmth inside of him was slowly replaced with a cold pressing weight.

He tried to bite back the tears he could feel rushing to the surface. This was a huge mistake, the whole _trying to be just friends with the love of your life who only wants to be friends with you_ was a huge mistake. This was just a casual fuck to Castiel, just because Dean was there and willing, not because Cas wanted anything more of him than this.

Dean was losing the fight against his tears.

"I won't let you," Cas suddenly growled against Dean's shoulder, making him jump a little in surprise.

"Wh-what?" Dean's voice was wavering. His tears were now slowly falling down his cheeks.

Castiel lifted his head up to look at him, slowing his pace down so much that he was barely moving anymore.

"I won't let you. I won't let you let me go ever again. I want you too, Dean," Cas whispered. He kissed a tear off Dean's cheek.

"You mean... More than just this?" Dean asked, the sudden hope that Castiel might want the same as he did made the weight inside him feel that much lighter.

"I want to be with you. You have no idea how much I've missed you all these years. Fuck, Dean, you are everything to me, no one can even compare to you. I've missed you so much," Cas pressed his forehead against Dean's, closing his eyes.

A new set of tears flowed down Dean's cheeks, but this time, they were tears of happiness and relief. He pressed his hands on Castiel's cheeks, pulling him into a kiss.

They kissed for a long time. At some point Cas started moving again, first slowly pushing in and out of Dean until his movements got faster, his thrusts deeper. Dean pulled his legs even higher when Castiel leaned his left hand on the armrest next to Dean's head. He wrapped his right hand around Dean's cock, jerking him off in rhythm with his thrusts.

"Cas, I'm gonna come, I'm gonna come!" Dean panted, his brow furrowed right before Cas tipped him over the edge with the final flick of his wrist. Dean screamed his name as his come painted his stomach with white stripes.

Cas followed soon after, holding himself up with both hands now to keep from crashing on top of Dean.

Slowly Cas pulled out of him, letting Dean's legs fall back down on the couch. Cas pulled the condom off and tied it in a knot before dropping it on the floor.

He crawled up next to, or mostly on top of Dean, wrapping his arms around him. Dean sighed happily against his skin.

"That was... Fuck, I've missed that," Dean breathed out, turning to face Cas.

"I've missed you," Cas smiled sweetly. They looked at each other for a moment until suddenly Castiel chuckled to himself.

"What?" Dean asked confused, brow furrowed but a smile still on his lips.

"I'm so weak. For weeks I've been trying to resist you, then you just push me against a fridge and I just lose all control over myself," Cas pressed a hand on his face as he laughed. Dean chuckled and gently pulled Castiel's hand away.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm even weaker. You didn't even have to do anything, you just _were_ and I lost it." Dean smiled, making Castiel blush.

"I tried to control myself and not let this happen, no matter how badly I wanted this as soon as I saw you in that store all those weeks ago. But you are--" Cas stopped.

His eyes widened in horror. "You are married! You just cheated on your wife with me!" Cas propped himself up on one elbow, looking at Dean with a horrified expression.

"Only on paper, Lisa and I broke up weeks ago. We aren't together anymore, not really. We just need to sign a couple of papers before we are officially divorced, but practically this wasn't cheating," Dean tried to calm him down.

"But technically this was! I'm a horrible person!" Cas flopped back on the couch, pressing both of his hands on his face. Dean swallowed hard.

"So... You regret this? Already? Nice. Cool." Dean nodded to himself a couple of time, looking away from him. Cas moved his hands away from his face.

"No, Dean, I don't," Castiel spoke quietly. He placed a hand on Dean's cheek, turning him to face him again.

 Looking into Dean's eyes he continued, "I could never regret doing this with you. I just... I never wanted to be part of any kind of cheating, and knowing that you are still technically married makes me feel bad for her, but I don't regret this. And I understand that you two aren't really together anymore. I'm sorry I freaked out a little. This was wonderful, and I hope we can do this again soon," Cas smiled gently.

Dean sighed but then smiled a little.

"Yeah, me too. After all, it's been ten years since I fucked you," Dean smirked, cocking an eyebrow at him. Cas chuckled.

"Well, we can change that as soon as you want to," Cas grinned back at him. He moved closer, leaning in to kiss him.

They laid there naked on the couch for a long time kissing and just holding each other. Neither of them wanted to get up because there was no place they would rather be at and no one they would rather be with, so there was no reason to get up.

"I thought you would be mad at me," Dean suddenly said as he was laying on his back, Cas on his side next to him, using Dean's shoulder as a pillow. Cas looked up from where he was drawing circles on Dean's chest with his fingers.

"About what?" Cas asked.

"About me leaving you," Dean added, turning to look down at Cas.

Cas looked at him for a moment before answering.

"I was, for a long time. A very long time. But then I realized that you had no other option, that you had to choose either me or your family and I understood that you had to do it. I know you didn't want to and if there had been a way to stay together I'm sure you would have done anything to do so," Cas spoke, placing his hand flat over Dean's heart.

"I would. If there had been any kind of way to stay with you in this town I would've done whatever it would have taken. I never wanted to leave you. I..." Dean swallowed.

Castiel just kept looking at him, waiting for him to continue.

"I don't think I ever really got over you. All these years you've been on my mind constantly. I have compared everyone I've ever been with to you, and none of them has ever come even close to how good you were. I know it sounds pathetic since we were together for just a year but... Cas, I think you are it for me," he whispered the last part. It made a small smile form on Cas's lips.

"Well, if it is pathetic then I'm just as pathetic as you are." Cas pressed a kiss on his shoulder, keeping his eyes on him.

"Really? Do you mean like --"

"Yes. Everything you just said right back at you. You make me believe in soulmates." Cas smiled.

"That's the cheesiest thing anyone has ever told me," Dean pressed a hand on his chest. Cas burst out laughing.

"Fucker! I was trying to be romantic but you just make fun of me! Never mind, I take it all back, I hate you!" Cas laughed, gently smacking his arm. Dean laughed too, turning so that he could wrap his arms and legs around Castiel.

"No, don't take it back, don't take it back! I'm sorry, it was very romantic and beautiful. Don't take it back, you are my soulmate. I'm sorry for making fun of you!" Dean yelled only half jokingly. He pressed at least a dozen quick pecks all over Castiel's face.

Cas couldn't stop laughing.

Finally, they had to get up because nature was calling Castiel. Dean's cum had dried on his stomach, it was getting really itchy and disgusting.

After cleaning up they put most of their clothes back on, giggling like a couple of dorks when they couldn't find their shirts until they remembered they were still on the kitchen floor.

They finished the movie and this time Dean took a beer too, it wasn't like he'd have to worry about doing something stupid anymore. They had already done the stupid thing, and it had turned out to be not stupid at all.

When the movie ended Dean turned on the couch to fully face Castiel. He didn't want to leave, not now when they had finally become something more than friends again. He wanted to stay as long as he could but he wasn't sure if Cas would be okay with it.

"Do you maybe wanna stay over?" Castiel asked nervously.

He had barely finished the question when Dean rushed to answer.

"Yes! Yes, I'd love to." A wide smile spread on his cheeks.

Castiel got up from the couch, holding out a hand for Dean to take.

"Come on, let's go make something to eat before bed," Cas said. With a smile Dean took his hand, letting Castiel pull him up. When on his feet he pushed himself fully against Cas, grinning as he pressed their lips together.

They stood there kissing for a few minutes until Dean's stomach reminded them with a loud growl about the reason why they had gotten up.

"Come on." Cas nodded towards the kitchen, holding Dean's hand as he guided him there.

Cas made them sandwiches that they ate quietly while shooting happy glances towards each other.

After finishing their food Cas led Dean into his bathroom to freshen up before bed. Cas had some extra toothbrushes so he handed Dean one of those.

When they were finally laying face to face on Cas's small bed together Dean pulled Cas flush against his chest, kissing his forehead gently.

"I found the bracelet just two weeks before we met at the store," Dean said after a long quiet moment. Cas took a short moment before he said anything.

"The one I gave you for our first anniversary?" he asked. Dean nodded. "You still have that?"

"Yeah. I couldn't throw it away. I was cleaning our attic and found it in a box full of my old stuff. Seeing it again hurt like hell, I thought I'd never even see you again. I almost threw it away then but I just couldn't do it. It's the last thing I have from you, and I still wasn't ready to completely let go," Dean spoke quietly. He rubbed his hand slowly up and down Castiel's back. Cas moved up to press a kiss on Dean's jaw.

"You have me now, completely. And you never have to let me go ever again. Dean, we were meant to be," Cas whispered, staring up at him with soft eyes. Dean answered by pressing a hand to his cheek and leaning down to kiss him, not trusting his voice not to tremble if he'd say something.

                                         

The next morning Dean woke up with Castiel still asleep in his arms. He had to pinch himself to make sure this wasn't all just a dream. When it hurt Dean pulled him even closer, kissing his hair. Castiel was warm and perfect in Dean's arms like he was made to be there.

Dean didn't even try to stop his hands when they started to wander. He finally had Cas back, he wasn't willing to let him go ever again. Cas started to wake up when Dean's hands kneaded his ass. He shifted a little, blinking his eyes open when he felt Dean's hardness against his leg.

"Oh, good morning," he smirked tiredly.

"Morning," Dean smiled back as he pushed a leg between Castiel's, leaning down to kiss him.

"Woke up horny?" Cas asked when they broke the kiss.

"With you naked in my arms? That's the only way to wake up." Dean smirked, making Castiel blush.

"You wanna do that thing you haven't done to me in ten years?" he smiled, looking up at him almost shyly.

"Fuck yeah."

With a chuckle Castiel moved on top of him, slotting their mouths together.

                                      

"You sure you can't come?" Dean pressed another quick kiss to Castiel's lips. They were standing in the hallway of Castiel's apartment in front of his door. Dean had his arms wrapped around Castiel's waist, Cas's hands were on Dean's shoulders.

"I'm sorry, I have to get everything ready for next week. Kids need a lot of activities and I usually use Sundays to prepare for the next week. If I get it all done early I could come over to help you unpack?" Cas suggested. He pressed his right hand gently on the side of Dean's neck, rubbing small circles there with his thumb.

Dean leaned in for another kiss.

"I'd like that. Let me know if you can come or not."

"Of course," Cas nodded.

"Thanks for the movie night, it was the best one I've ever had. Really. This morning wasn't bad either." Dean smirked, pulling him even closer. Cas chuckled as he looked up at him from under his lashes. He bit his lower lip again, making Dean's heart skip a beat.

"I enjoyed it too, very much. We could have another movie night soon. Maybe without a movie, though." Cas winked.

Dean smirked at him. He managed to get Cas by surprise as he turned them so that Castiel was suddenly pressed against the wall, Dean's lips sucking on the side of his neck.

"Or we could have a movie-less movie night right now," Dean growled against his skin, making Castiel let out a small laugh that turned into a moan when Dean ran his tongue over his ear.

"I do like that idea but I really do have a lot to do, it's already past noon. And you haven't unpacked anything yet," Castiel sighed as he gently pushed him away.

"Yeah, you're right. Got a lot to do, even though you are the only thing I'd like to be doing right now." Dean winked, making Cas laugh again.

"You are unbelievable." Cas rolled his eyes but the smile never left his lips.

"I know." Dean took a step closer, pinning Castiel against the wall again, kissing him hard.

They made out in the hallway for a long time until Castiel pushed Dean away for the millionth time. Cas was panting hard, biting his lower lip when he looked up at him.

"Fuck, I love it when you do that." Dean breathed out.

Cas looked at him confused. "Do what?"

"Bite your lip like that. Drives me fucking crazy." He nodded down to Cas's mouth.

"Oh? Do I do it a lot then?" Cas asked surprised.

"All the time. It's fucking hot, makes me wanna suck that lip between my teeth." Dean whispered, leaning in and trying to kiss him again, but Cas didn't let him.

"Seriously, Dean, we aren't going to get anything done today if we keep making out." Cas chuckled. Dean let out something that sounded a lot like a whine. He really didn't want to leave, he was more than ready for round two but Cas kept talking about work and unpacking.

"Okay, okay. When can we do this again? Or see each other again?" he asked as he reluctantly let go.

"Tonight or tomorrow at latest. I'll let you know. Now go before I throw you out." Cas joked, pointing to the door with fake annoyance. Dean chuckled as he pressed one final quick kiss on Castiel's lips.

"I'll wait for your call." He winked, and then he was out of the door.

                                

Dean had been unpacking the boxes for two hours and making a list of everything he'd have to buy when his phone rang. It took him a minute to find it, and when he did, worry started to grow inside of him.

His dad was calling him.

John never called, he never even texted. He always either made Mary call the kids if he wanted them to know something or if it wasn't urgent just waited for them to come visit them and tell everything then. Dean couldn't even remember the last time his father had called him. Carefully he swiped over the green button on the screen, lifting the phone to his ear.

"Hi, dad. Is something wrong?" he asked, trying to both stay and sound calm.

"Well, it depends. Have you heard that that Castiel guy is back in town? I bet you don't even remember him anymore, that... your ex-boyfriend from high school."

He could hear the air quotes in the way John said the word boyfriend. Was his father really calling him about Castiel? What the hell was this?

Dean thought for a moment what to say when Sam's words came back to his mind. _'Who gives a fuck what dad thinks? You can date whoever you want,  he has nothing to say to it!'_ He took a deep breath and stared at a spot on a wall as he started to talk in a determined voice.

"Yes, I remember Castiel and yes, I do know he's back in town," he answered, not giving John anything else than just simple answers.

"Have you seen him recently?" John asked with a tight voice.

"Yes, we have met, several times actually." Dean kept his voice flat and tight. It was quiet on the other end of the line for a moment. When Dean suspected it to be calm before the storm, he was right.

"Do you have something... going on with him again?" John asked, his voice louder than before. Before Dean could decide what to say his father continued, "Does that sick, gay son of a bitch have something to do with your divorce?" John was now yelling.

"Hey! No, dad, Cas has nothing to do with that!" Not completely true but John didn't need to know that. "He has nothing to do with the divorce, my marriage with Lisa was dead before Cas even got back to town. And don't call him like that, there's nothing sick about him!" Dean raised his voice to his father, and it got both of them by surprise. John's shock didn't last long, though.

"So you do have something going on with that guy? Dean, now you listen to me! I didn't raise a gay son, you are not one of those fags! You need to--" John was growling loudly to the phone but Dean cut him off.

"No, you need to shut the fuck up, learn the difference between bisexuality and homosexuality and get over your homophobic shit! Yes, I have something going on with Cas and I'm planning on keeping that thing going on for the rest of my life. There is nothing you can do about it, it's not under your control!" Dean yelled to the phone, his face going red with anger.

He had never talked back to his father like this, but he was just full of his shit. John attacking Castiel like that again was just too much, Dean couldn't just listen to it anymore without saying anything back.

"Dean Winchester you do not talk to your father like that! You stop this sick, disgusting relationship you have with that-- that fairy and you beg Lisa to not go through the divorce process. My son isn't gay!" John yelled. Dean rolled his eyes.

"Still not gay, dad! Okay, I'm going to say this just once, so you better listen carefully. Lisa and I are done, the divorce is happening. If you don't want to lose your son for good you need to get over your crap and accept the fact that I'm with Cas now. He isn't going anywhere, ever! This better be the one and only phone call like this I ever get from you. Now, if you didn't have anything else to say I have boxes to unpack." Dean finished and then just waited for a reaction from his father.

John stammered something at the other end of the line before ending the call.

Dean sat down on the floor, leaning against the wall. He considered calling Castiel but decided not to, John had already ruined Dean's day, there was no point in ruining Castiel's day too. But there was someone Dean could call.

"Hi Dean, what's up?" Sam's happy voice traveled through the phone. It made Dean feel a bit better immediately.

"I have quite a lot to tell you." Dean sighed, rubbing his forehead.

"Oh, good or bad?"

Dean chuckled.

"Both. So um, me and Cas happened," he smiled immediately just to the memory of it.

"What? How, when?" Sam asked, sounding ridiculously excited.

"Last night actually. And then again this morning." Dean said with a suggestive voice.

"Eeewww, Dean, I thought you meant dating! I'm happy for you but I don't need to hear about your sex life!" Sam whined loudly.

Dean burst out laughing at his brother's misery.

"Sorry, had to. We were having a movie night and then things just happened. We talked a lot about feelings and stuff and... Well, we aren't like officially together yet, I mean we didn't talk about that yet. But we definitely aren't just friends anymore." Dean smiled to himself.

"That's great! I'm so happy for you! I knew this would happen sooner or later. Those were obviously the good news, so... what's the bad?"

Dean sighed.

"Dad called." He leaned his back against the wall, his grip on his phone getting tighter.

"Wait, dad knows how to use a phone?" Sam sounded sincerely surprised.

"Apparently. He called about Cas." Dean answered quietly.

"Fuck! How did he even know already? What did he say?" Dean could hear the worry in his voice.

"He didn't know about me and Cas. He asked if I knew that Cas was back in town, he kept calling Cas all these horrible, offensive names, blaming Cas for my divorce, all that shit. I took your advice, I talked back to him for the first time in years. I've never said anything like that to him before." He shook his head, letting it fall forward.

"What did you say to him?" Sam sounded a bit scared, speaking quietly.

"I told him that Cas has nothing to do with the divorce, that I have something going on with him and that dad needs to accept that or he is going to lose me because I'm not planning on letting Cas go ever again. I can't let him go, Sammy," Dean said the last part with almost a pleading voice.

"Did you tell him that? Cas, I mean." Sam asked.

"Yeah, I did."

"What did he say?"

Dean let out an affectionate hum that brought a smile back to his lips.

"He said that he won't let me let him go ever again," Dean said quietly, blushing a little to the memory, looking down to the floor. From the other end of the line, he could hear a muffled squeal before Sam said anything.

"That's adorable!" Sam practically shrieked to the phone. Dean rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, he said that while his dick was up my ass, so there's some more adorable for you." he smiled devilishly to the phone.

"Oh god, no! That was just evil, pure evil from you, Dean! God, I told you I don't need to know the details. Oh, Lord, how do I erase that image I just got in my brain?" Sam was yelling as Dean laughed loudly.

"Do you want me to tell the position too to make the image clearer?" He teased.

Sam answered with another stream of swear words and just straight up screaming into the phone. Dean laughed so hard his stomach hurt.

"Are you done?" Sam finally asked.

Dean wiped a tear from the corner of his eye that had formed there from laughing so hard.

"Yeah I'm done." Dean chuckled.

"Good. I'm fucking proud of you for standing up against dad like that. I know it must have been hard for you but you did it. How did it feel?"

Dean could hear from his voice that he meant every word. It made him feel really good. Calling Sam had been a great idea.

"Scary at first, pretty fucking good afterwards," Dean said simply.

"I know, right? I'm proud of you, I really am."

"Thanks, Sam, that means a lot." Dean swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. He hadn't heard those words from anyone too many times in his life. His mother had said it a couple of times when Dean had been younger and gotten a good grade at school. Sam had said it a few times and his father... His father had never said anything like that to him, probably never would. Not anymore at least.

Sam apparently sensed the pressing silence at the other end of the line since he decided to change the subject.

"So how did the move go? Sorry I couldn't come to help." He apologized.

Dean was glad about the new topic of discussion.

"It went great, there wasn't much to move anyway, so me and Cas survived easily together. After we had brought everything up to my new place we had to go pick up his extra mattress from his place," Dean told with a small chuckle.

"Wouldn't it been easier for you to just stay the night at his place?" Sam asked suggestively. Dean huffed a laugh.

"At that point we were still just friends. twenty-four hours later; not so much." He smirked.

"You need to bring him over sometime! Let's have a barbecue night or something, I haven't seen him at all yet now that he's back," Sam spoke fast when he got the idea, sounding excited.

"Okay, calm down, let us figure out this thing we have going on first, let's plan the double date later, okay?" Dean chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah of course! I'm really happy for you, for both of you! Hey, keep me posted about everything, okay? I need to go now, Jess and Bones are already getting annoyed waiting for me."

"Family run?" Dean grinned.

"Yeah, every Sunday," Sam answered. Dean could hear Jess in the background hurrying Sam up.

"Okay, have fun! I'll call you when something happens," Dean said quickly.

"Great! Jess says hi! Okay, bye!" Sam said with a laugh before he hung up.

Dean looked at the now black phone screen with a smile on his lips. His parents weren't the best but they had done something right while raising Sam. Or maybe everything that was so great about Sam had come from somewhere else, that would make more sense when comparing their parents and Sam together.

He pushed himself up from the floor, put his phone down on the kitchen counter and went back to unpacking.

It was already pretty late when Castiel texted him.

_"Hey, I just got everything ready for next week and I'm beat :/ I'm too tired to come over tonight, I'm sorry!"_ The message said. Dean was disappointed, of course he was, but he was more than tired himself too so he wouldn't have been any fun to hang out with anyway.

_"It's okay, I'm heading to bed too. Well, heading to my mattress. Your mattress, whatever! Hey, could you go furniture shopping with me someday? Preferably soon, not that there is anything wrong with your mattress but an actual bed would be awesome!"_ Dean texted back, a yawn stretching his face as he typed.

He had managed to unpack a lot of the boxes but some of them he wouldn't be able to unpack before he got some furniture like a bookshelf to put all the movies in.

_"Sure, we could do that tomorrow if you have time? I have a short day at work :)"_ Castiel replied.

_"Sounds great. I get off from work at two so I could come pick you up soon after that?"_

_"Works for me! Good night Dean, see you tomorrow ;)"_

Dean sent back a good night message too. He wanted to tell Cas that he missed him already but decided not to.

He laid on his mattress, looking around the apartment in the dim light coming through the windows. The place was still a complete mess with boxes everywhere but it was his mess. A new beginning for Dean Winchester.


	9. Furniture shopping and other adventures

"Do I need to like... Have a style or something? Does everything need to match together?" Dean asked with a furrowed brow as they looked at the bookshelves at IKEA. Cas turned to look at him.

"Well, of course it looks nicer when all the furniture goes nicely together but it's your apartment so you can have a green table, purple bookshelf, and yellow bed if you want to," Cas smiled.

"Making sure everything matches is going to take a lot of planning," Dean groaned, throwing his head back.

"It doesn't have to. You know what kind of style you like so just go with that. Personally, I like the mix-matched decor. You don't need to stress about this, Dean, just buy what looks good to you and it'll work great," Cas said, wrapping an arm around Dean's lower back, pulling him closer to his side. Dean pressed his face on Castiel's shoulder, letting out another loud groan. Cas laughed affectionately at him.

"Why is buying furniture so hard?" Dean whined against Cas's shoulder, stretching out the last word.

"Hey, how about this? We buy you a bed, a mattress, sheets and all that stuff now so you can sleep in a real bed tonight, and let's just take pictures of everything else you like. We can play around with the photos at home, see what looks good with what. Then we can come back some other day to buy whatever you decide on. How's that for a plan?" Cas asked gently, rubbing his hand on Dean's lower back. Dean lifted his head up just enough to press his chin on Castiel's shoulder, looking up at him.

"Yeah. Yeah, okay, that actually sounds really good." He straightened up. "Thanks, Cas." He pressed a quick kiss to Castiel's cheek before pulling his phone out of his pocket to take a picture of three different bookshelves he liked.

They walked around the huge store taking pictures of everything they thought would look good in Dean's new apartment. Dean sneaked some pictures of Castiel too. He got a great one when Castiel noticed what he was doing, his cheeks reddening as he looked down shyly with a small smile on his lips.

After spending over an hour on the bed section Dean found the perfect one for him. It was big and the headboard had wooden bars in it that gave Dean all kinds of ideas of situations where those could come useful. He paid extra to get the bed delivered to his apartment on the same day.

Then he and Cas were back on the road, heading home.

"Cas?" Dean asked when they still had almost an hour until they'd be home. Cas turned to look at him with a smile.

"Yes?"

Dean shifted a little in his seat. He was nervous about the thing he was going to ask, but he really needed to know.

"What are we?" he finally asked, looking at Cas before turning back to the road.

Cas was quiet for so long that Dean had to steal a glance at him just to see the look on his face. Cas looked like he was thinking hard. Finally, he spoke.

"I... I'm not sure. I think... I really don't know, Dean. What do you think we are?" he asked, sounding lost.

"I don't know either. All I know is that I want to be with you, as in a relationship. Do you... wanna be with me?" Dean swallowed down his nervousness.

"Yes, I do. It's just... You are still married, if only on paper but still, you are. I don't feel comfortable calling this a relationship or _'being together'_ before the divorce is official. But I want to be with you in the future," Cas explained calmly. After a second Dean nodded.

"That sounds good. Yeah. I totally get what you mean about the whole divorce thing," he nodded again, "so, we're two dudes who really like each other, fuck and buy furniture?" he smiled and turned to look at Cas again. Castiel laughed as he shook his head.

"I guess that defines us at the moment, yes. We could also be two dudes on their way to my place to do that thing you mentioned second in your definition." Cas gave him a suggestive smirk, making Dean turn to look at him again.

"Yeah, let's be that," Dean grinned, speeding up as Castiel chuckled.

Dean barely made it back to his place in time before the IKEA guys came to deliver his bed.

 

                                                         

 

The next morning Dean's phone rang early. He had just gotten up and was making coffee when Lisa called.

"Hey, Lis, how are you?" he asked with a smile. He was a little nervous about Lisa calling him considering, well, everything, but he didn't want it to be heard in his voice.

"Hi, Dean. I got the petition papers from my lawyer yesterday, could you come over today to sign them? And I found some of your stuff too, you could pick those up while you are here," she said, sounding weirdly emotionless.

"Sure, sure! I have the morning off so I could come by before noon?"

They agreed that he'd be there in two hours before they hung up. The phone call lasted about two minutes in total.

After finishing his breakfast Dean jumped into the shower.

Around ten, he pulled over to Lisa's driveway. He cut the engine but then just sat in his car for a moment, looking at the house he and Lisa once shared. It felt weird to be back there. Taking a deep breath he stepped out of his car and walked to the door. He almost forgot that he now had to ring the doorbell.

Lisa opened the door with a small smile on her lips. She let him in without a word.

"Go to the kitchen, I made coffee," she told him after closing the door. With a nod, Dean walked to the very familiar room and sat down at the familiar table. He felt a little uncomfortable. One could think that it'd feel sad to be back there, that he'd miss all the mornings they had shared in this kitchen but really, he didn't. It felt like coming back to the set of your past pretend life. He felt happy that he didn't need to play a role anymore. At the same time, he felt bad for Lisa who obviously wasn't doing as good as he was.

"How are you?" he asked, sincerely interested in her wellbeing.

"Oh, I'm okay. Been better, but I'll be good in no time. I've started going to the gym again," she answered, offering him a weak smile.

"You are doing so great, I'm proud of you," Dean smiled gently. Lisa huffed out an amused breath.

"Yeah, don't know about that, but at least I'm not locking myself into this house and crying my eyes out on a daily basis. So how are you? Are you together with Castiel now?" she swallowed hard right after the question had passed her lips, turning around to get mugs for both of them.

"I'm okay... Got my new place, it's really nice. It's still a mess since I don't have a lot of furniture, but I still like it." Dean told her as she poured the coffee.

"And Castiel?" Lisa asked again as she carried two full mugs to the table, placing one of them in front of him. Dean shifted slightly in his seat and cleared his throat.

"We are, umm... Well, we aren't officially together yet, Cas said he doesn't want to be a couple before our divorce is official but... We are-- we are spending time together." He decided to leave it at that. Lisa was quiet for a moment.

"He sounds like a great guy, I'm happy you have him in your life. He obviously makes you happy, too. If the situation was different I'd probably like him too." She chuckled, shaking her head a couple of times before taking a sip of her coffee.

"If you ever want to meet him we can set something up." Dean offered. Lisa snorted a laugh.

"Meeting the gay guy who stole my husband? Yeah, I think I'll pass, thanks." She laughed, but her smile faded quickly.

"He didn't steal me. Lis, you can't blame this on him." Dean's voice was pleading.

Lisa looked up to him.

"So you are saying he had nothing to do with our divorce? We both know that's not true!" She snapped.

"No.. I mean... He didn't steal me. But yes, seeing him around again made me realize what I really want in life, and that what we had wasn't it. But he really didn't _do_ anything, he just.... he just _was_." He tried to explain it.

"Yeah, I know. I just always thought that you were the one for me. But then you told me that I'm not the one for you, so you can probably understand how that hurts," she spoke quietly, looking down to her mug of steaming coffee. Dean leaned closer to take her hand.

"Hey. If there's such thing as _'the one'_ then the pairs are matched together, which means that I wasn't the one for you, someone else out there is. You just haven't found him yet, but you will. I'm sure of it. He'll make you happier than I ever could have, he's gonna make me look like a huge pile of stinking garbage compared to him!" Dean said, managing to make her chuckle.

"I hope you are right." Lisa looked up at him with a smile.

"I'm always right. Well, at least sometimes. But I'm sure about this." He smiled gently.

"Thank you, Dean. I'll go get the papers." She smiled sweetly as she got up.

They signed the papers. Lisa was so proud of herself for not crying during it. They went through the process again, Lisa explained the next steps to Dean before he headed home to change into something more work appropriate.

Dean only had a couple of meetings that day. After those were over he really couldn't be bothered about doing the paperwork that was waiting for him on his desk. He'd have time for those later, right now he wanted to hang out with Cas and assemble the bed that was still in several boxes in the middle of his bedroom since he had been too tired to do it alone the night before.

When he got to his car he immediately called Castiel.

"Hello, Dean." Castiel's happy voice came from the other end of the line.

"Hello to yourself. You wanna help me build a bed?" Dean asked as he turned the key to start the engine.

"Well, I can't say I'm jumping in excitement but yes, I can help you with it." Castiel chuckled. The sound made Dean smile.

"Awesome. Can I pick you up right away?"

"Umm, yes, I think so. Yes. I just need to change. Call me when you're here, okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be there in about five minutes," Dean told him, and they ended the call quickly after that.

He turned up the music, drumming the wheel with his fingertips, humming along with the song with a smile on his lips. Even though his life was kind of a mess right now with the divorce, his dad being a total dick to him, and his apartment still being full of unpacked boxes, he was feeling happy.

For once in his life, he knew exactly what he wanted and that he finally had it. And he was on his way to pick him up.

 

                                  

 

"Dude, what the hell?"

"What?" Cas looked  up to him.

"Look at this. It tells me that I'd need to put these dowels in that, but there are only ten of these even though this thing says I need 25. What the hell?" Dean's brow was furrowed as he was holding the assembling manual in one hand, the small wooden dowels in the other. Cas leaned closer to him.

"Let me see... No, it means these ones," he said, picking up the small plastic bag of exactly identical pieces that Dean was holding, just smaller, "you need to put these in those holes, then lift that board on top of it," he explained as he pointed around the room at the items he was talking about. Dean looked at the manual, then at the pieces he was holding, then at the small plastic bag Cas was holding and finally up to Cas.

"Then what are we gonna need these for?" Dean held up his hand.

"I don't know yet. Hand me the hammer?" Cas shrugged, getting back to assembling the bed.

Dean had heard a million horror stories about building IKEA furniture with your significant other, how it would end relationships, destroy families. But building a bed with Cas was not horrible at all. Cas stayed calm all the time, he understood the manual way better than Dean did, and he took the time to read through every step so that they'd get it right on the first try.

If assembling IKEA furniture with your soon-to-be-boyfriend was some kind of test of true love, they had passed it with perfect scores.

After two and a half hours the bed was done, as in completely done. They put on the mattress, pillows and duvets, sheets and pillowcases.

After cleaning up the mess they'd made while assembling the bed they both jumped on it.

"Oh, god! This makes all that time spent in IKEA and the struggle of the last two hours so worth it." Dean sighed happily as he rolled to his side to face Cas. Cas was looking at him with a grin on his face.

"You wanna test if the screws are tight enough?" he asked. It took Dean about a second to realize what he meant.

"Fuck, yeah. Wait, I need to go get stuff first!" Dean pushed himself off the bed. He ran to his bathroom where he had all his toiletries, including lube and condoms. He made a mental note to move them to the bedroom as soon as he got a nightstand.

He jogged back to the bedroom and found Cas almost naked on his bed.

"Oh, look at you, you made my job so much easier," Dean smirked as he tossed the pack of condoms and the lube on the bed next to Cas before pulling his own shirt off.

"Come here," Cas said, and Dean was on top of him in seconds, kissing him deeply.

Cas worked Dean's pants open, pushing them down. Dean kicked them off rest of the way.

"How do you wanna do this?" Cas asked as they broke the kiss.

"I wanna ride you." Dean panted, moving to kiss down Cas's neck.

"I like the sound of that." Cas grabbed the lube.

He covered his fingers with it, pulling Dean flush against him with his left arm as he sneaked the other one around to Dean's ass.

The position was a little awkward since Dean was still laying on top of him but it wasn't impossible. Cas pushed a finger inside of Dean. Dean immediately pushed back to it, trying to get it deeper. He spread his legs and moved up a little so that Cas could reach his hole better. Cas started to move his finger slowly in and out.

"Love it when you hold me like this," Dean whispered against his hair, not even sure if he wanted Cas to hear it. Of course, Cas did.

"I love holding you. You're so precious to me, so important. I wanna keep you safe," he mumbled against Dean's neck. Dean lifted his head to look at him.

"Cas, I--" Dean started, but right at that moment Castiel's finger brushed over his prostate. "Oh fuck..." His head fell down against the pillow, a moan slipping past his lips.

"Feels good?" Castiel whispered. Dean could hear the smug grin in his voice.

"Fuck, yeah. Please Cas, need more..." He panted.

Cas pushed another finger in.

"Wait, I wanna... Move your hand," Dean said, taking a grip of Cas's wrist and pulling his fingers out as he sat up on top of Cas, straddling his hips. Cas looked at him confused as Dean guided his hand so that Dean was sitting on top of it. "Okay, push them back in. And add a third one. I wanna ride your fingers."

Castiel smirked at him and did like he was told, pushing three fingers into Dean, letting him move on top of them. The view was making Castiel hard in seconds, Dean moving up and down on his fingers with his eyes closed.

Suddenly Dean opened his eyes, looking behind himself before looking at Castiel with a grin on his lips.

"Dude, your cock's in the way," he chuckled.

"Or maybe my fingers are in my dick's way," Cas grinned back at him.

"Yeah, you got a point. Gimme those." Dean pointed towards the condoms and the lube tube.

Cas handed them to him. Dean lifted himself up and Cas pulled his fingers out. Dean rolled the condom on Cas's hard cock, lubing it up before moving back to his earlier position, slowly sinking down on Cas's cock.

"Oh... Fuck, Dean, you are so fucking tight," Cas moaned, gripping Dean's hips tightly.

"Fuck, Cas..." Dean breathed out as he started to move up and down on Cas's cock. He pressed his hands on Cas's chest, moving his hips in circles, making Castiel arch up from the bed.

"Dean, move faster," Castiel commanded

 Dean started to really bounce on top of him, taking him unbelievably deep on every downward thrust of his hips. Castiel wrapped his hand around Dean's cock and started to pump it in rhythm with Dean's movements.

"Your cock feels so fucking good." Dean panted as he leaned down to kiss him, biting his lower lip, licking into his mouth. "You are so big, I fucking love it, I lo--" Dean pressed his lips firmly against Castiel's to cut himself off.

Cas took two handfuls of Dean's ass as he started to pound up into him on a ruthless pace.

Neither of them lasted very long after that. Soon they were laying side by side on the bed panting, staring up at the ceiling.

"Fuck, that was awesome!" Dean breathed out when he was finally able to talk again.

"Agreed. We might have to change your sheets again, though," Cas said. When they turned to look at each other they were both smiling.

"Worth it. Remind me to buy a lot of new sheets the next time we go to IKEA." Dean smiled. Cas promised to do just that as he moved closer to kiss him again.

 

                                     

 

The few next days were filled with work, and unpacking all his stuff whenever he had free time. Sometimes Cas was there to help him, sometimes he wasn't.

Early on Friday they went to IKEA together again and bought Dean a new bookshelf, nightstand, kitchen supplies and a fuck ton of new sheets among other things. They spent the rest of the day assembling everything and unpacking all the rest of the boxes.

By the evening, Dean's place actually looked like a home. That was the first night Cas stayed over, and the next morning they had sleepy sex as soon as they woke up.

Later on that Saturday when Cas had gone home, Dean drove to visit Sam and Jess. He packed some beers with him, texting Sam to let him know he was on his way. Sam answered his message with _"welcome, the dinner is almost ready :)"_

They had made pasta with hot dogs, which sounded pretty weird to Dean at first but it was actually delicious, so he definitely wasn't complaining. After dinner, they moved to the back yard to enjoy the warm evening with some cold beers.

"Are you going to dad's birthday party next weekend?" Sam asked.

Dean looked up at him.

"I don't know. I haven't heard from him or mom since that... phone call I had with dad. I don't think I'm invited." Dean looked down to his hands, rolling the bottle between them.

"Seriously? Oh god, he's an idiot. How are you dealing with everything he said?" Sam asked carefully.

"I followed your advice and stopped giving a shit. Of course it fucking hurts that my own parents can't accept me the way I am but..." he paused, swallowing once, "I don't know. I try not to think about it. I keep hoping that maybe one day they'll get over their shit. After all, I'm still their son, but I'm not sure if it'll ever happen," Dean chuckled, trying to cover the hurt in his voice. He took a sip of his beer, turning his head slightly away from Sam so his little brother couldn't see all the emotions on his face.

Before Sam could say anything his phone started ringing on the table between them. He looked at the screen.

"Speak of the devil," he turned the phone so that Dean could see the caller ID. It was their dad. "Do you mind if I answer this right now?"

"Go ahead, it's okay." Dean waved his hand like he didn't care. He sucked in a deep breath through his mouth when Sam answered the phone with _'hey, dad!'_

"Yeah, it's here. We can bring it back before the party," a pause, "hey dad? Did you invite Dean?" Sam asked to the phone, glancing at his brother.

Dean looked up at him with wide eyes. He couldn't hear what their father was saying but the look on Sam's face got darker, angrier.

"Dad! Did you invite him?" Sam was quiet as he listened to John's answer. "Why not?" Another silence in the back yard. "Dad, he's your son! You can't just--- No, dad, listen! You can't just shut him out of your life like that! Dean's a grown man, he can date who the fuck he wants to date, you have no say in that!" Sam yelled.

"If you aren't inviting Dean then I and Jess aren't coming either." Sam snapped after listening to their father for a short moment.

 John said something that made Sam laugh darkly. "Yeah dad, we are, and I picked Dean's side when I was fucking three years old! So happy fucking birthday to you then, we aren't coming!" Sam barked and hang up.

"Umm... What?" Dean asked. Sam turned to look at him, crossing his arms over his chest.

"He called about the punchbowl we borrowed from them some time ago. He wasn't going to invite you. When I told him that we wouldn't come either he asked if we were picking sides now. Like I hadn't picked my side decades ago," Sam chuckled darkly, rolling his eyes as he reached for his beer.

"I'm glad to hear that you're on my side on this but seriously, you don't need to not go to dad's birthday because of me. I don't mind." That was partly a lie, of course Dean minded that his own fucking parents didn't accept him, but he also didn't want Sam to cut them out of his life because of him.

"I wasn't too excited about going there anyway, it's not like dad and I have ever been exactly best friends anyway." Sam took another sip of his beer. Dean was quiet for a moment.

"I wonder if dad's ever really even had a best friend. He's such a dick to everyone. People probably hang out with him just because they are scared of him and what he'd do if they didn't pretend they liked him," Dean spoke.

"Yeah, maybe. I feel bad for mom, she's had to look at his stupid face for so many years." Sam looked at his brother who nodded at his words.

"We are so horrible!" Dean burst out laughing, and so did Sam.

"We definitely got that from our dad!" Sam added. Dean snorted another laugh at that.

"Everything okay here?" Jess asked as she stepped outside to join them with an amused look on her face and a cider bottle in her hand.

"Even better now that you are here." Dean winked at her. Sam slapped his arm.

"Hey! No flirting with my girl!" Sam snapped with pretended anger, but he couldn't force down the smile on his lips. Dean laughed as he turned to look at him again.

"Don't worry, Sammy, now that I've gotten back to the taste of dick, _literally_ , I ain't going back to the other team anytime soon, maybe never if I'm lucky," Dean smirked. Sam made a disgusted face at him but Jess just laughed as she took a seat next to him.

"So, how are you and Cas doing? And when am I going to meet him?" Jess asked excitedly.

"We are good, great. I mean, we aren't like officially together, not before I'm a lawfully divorced man since Cas doesn't want to be in a relationship with a married guy. But we are great." Dean smiled before continuing, "and I don't know, I'll have to ask him. If it was just for me to decide, I'd have dragged his ass here today, but I'm not sure if he's ready to meet the family yet. I mean... it seems like you two are kinda all the family I have left now..." Dean finished quietly, looking down to his hands again, trying so hard to swallow down all his emotions.

Jess put a hand on his arm, making Dean look up to her.

"We'll be here for you as long as we're alive and kicking. Nothing could ever make us stop loving you. And as they say, quality over quantity. Your family might be small but at least it's fucking awesome!" Jess smiled brightly.

"I'll drink to that!" Sam agreed from next to them, lifting up his bottle before taking a long gulp.

"Thanks, guys, you two are amazing. I don't know what I'd do without you." Dean smiled. He took a hold of Jess's hand.

"You'd be still doing great," Jess smiled at him. Sam snorted.

"Not so sure about that." He grinned when both Dean and Jess turned to look at him.

"Oh, fuck you!" Dean snapped, trying to find something to throw at his brother's stupid face. Unfortunately, he found nothing, so he went with the second best option, "Jess, go slap him!" He pointed at Sam. With a laugh Jess got up and walked to Sam, but instead of slapping him she leaned down to kiss him.

"That's not a slap!" Dean protested from his seat.

"Sorry, darling, we don't use violence in this house," Jess smiled as she walked back to her seat.

"Except for a little occasional spanking for my naughty girl," Sam smirked, shooting a lustful look at Jess who blushed all the way to the tips of her ears.

"I didn't need to know that!" Dean yelled, covering his ears with his hands.

"Oh come on, like you haven't told me way worse, Mr. Taste of dick." Sam tilted his head and threw a bitch face towards his brother.

"Touché," Dean laughed.

Jess rolled her eyes. "But seriously, Dean, I want to meet him! Can you ask him if he'd like to come over sometime soon? We could have dinner and just hang out. I'm dying to meet him!" She was almost jumping in her seat. Dean couldn't help but laugh at her excitement.

"I'll ask him. Who knows, maybe he'll want to come visit you two soon. He did meet Sam several times during that year when we were together, so they basically already know each other. Remember thought that if we come over together you can't ask questions like _'are you two together now?'_ because no, we are not. Cas isn't ready to call us a couple yet, and I respect that, so no questions about it!" Dean pointed at both of them. Sam and Jess nodded. "And no asking stuff like _'so when's the wedding?'_ or calling us boyfriends! We are just... we are just Dean and Cas. Understood?"

"Understood!" Sam and Jess answered at the same time.

"Good!"

They drank their beers and joked around for two more hours before Dean headed back to his new apartment. It felt good to step inside his own new place that now looked like an actual home. It felt calm and peaceful. Dean took a beer from the fridge before hopping on his brand new couch and turning on the TV. It was so close to perfection, the only thing missing right now was Castiel.

 


	10. Sign on the dotted line

The next Wednesday morning Dean got called to his boss's office as soon as he got to work. He hadn't seen his boss, his soon to be ex-father in law in a long time. The man had been on a business trip in Asia and had spent two weeks there with his wife after the business meetings were over.

Now that Dean thought about it, he hadn't seen him at all after he and Lisa had decided to get a divorce.

He took a deep breath as he reached the door to his boss's office before knocking on it.

"Come in," a familiar voice called from inside.

Dean opened the door to see the old man sitting at his desk on the other side of the large room. He didn't even look up when Dean stepped into the room and closed the door after him.

"Take a seat, " the man waved towards the chair on the other side of his desk. When Dean sat down he finally looked up to him as he pulled his reading glasses off, placing them neatly on the table.

"You wanted to see me?" Dean asked.

"Here's the thing, Dean. I'd very much like to fire your stupid ass for what you did to my daughter. I'd like to fire your ass even more now that I know you did it to be with a man. But I won't, and there are a few reasons for that. First of all, Lisa asked me not to. I want you to know that to me that's the most important reason. If she hadn't said anything or if she'd asked me to fire you, you would've been out of here in a blink," he paused, staring at Dean. "But she's always been a better person than I am. She told me to keep this thing happening in your personal lives apart from your professional life here. That brings us to the second reason. You are damn good at your job, no matter how badly I'd like to not admit it right now. All the numbers have gone up ever since you started in this firm. The numbers don't lie," he rolled his eyes before voicing one more reason, "and, on top of that, the media would blame me for firing you just because you're gay. This company doesn't need that kind of negative attention."

"I'm not gay." Dean pointed out quietly, immediately regretting even opening his mouth.

"What?" Lisa's father looked up to him.

"Nothing. I just... I'm not gay. I like women too." Dean shifted in his seat. His boss looked at him for a moment without saying a word before he leaned back in his chair.

"I don't care what you like or don't like. You're leaving my daughter for a man and that's all I need to know," he snapped. "So. For now, you can keep your job but I'll be keeping an eye on you, Dean." He leaned forward, pointing a finger right at Dean's face, "make one mistake that's a good enough of an excuse for me to fire you and you'll be out of here before you can even begin to explain yourself. Do you understand me?"

Dean nodded.

"Good. Now get out of my office." he gestured with his hand for Dean to leave.

When Dean was at the door the man spoke up again. "And Dean. Your lover boy is _not_ welcome to any of the office parties. Ever."

Dean looked down to the floor and nodded before rushing out of the room.

                                                

While Dean was at work Castiel went to the market early in the morning. His class had PE for the first two hours of the school day so Cas didn't have to be at work until 11am. He'd wanted to take Dean with him after spending the night together at Dean's place but unlike Cas, Dean had to go to work at eight.

Cas was intending on making dinner for the both of them, planning the menu for the night while collecting fresh vegetables into his basket when suddenly there was someone standing next to him, staring at him. He turned to look at the older man standing by his side.

Cas opened his mouth to ask if he could help him somehow but the man beat him to it.

"You're that Castiel Novak guy, aren't you?" The man asked. The way he said his name immediately set alarms blaring in Cas's head.

"Um... Yes?"

 The man took a step even closer to Cas, pointed an angry finger right to Cas's face.

"You! You need to stay the fuck away from my son!" The man growled.

In a blink, Cas connected the dots and chuckled.

"Ah, Mister Winchester. I'd say it's nice to finally meet you but I don't like lying to people," Cas gave the most obvious fake smile to the man.

"Listen to me, smartass. Dean is with Lisa, they are married! If you try to break them apart I swear to God I'll turn your life into a living hell," John growled. Cas rolled his eyes.

"I didn't break them apart. It was all their decision, I have absolutely nothing to do with their divorce. When I first met Dean and learned he was married I tried to keep away from him but it was your son who kept contacting me and eventually practically threw himself at me. I didn't push or force him into anything," Cas spoke as calmly as he could in the situation. He could practically see the steam rushing out of John's ears.

"You are nothing to him! Nothing! You're just some... you are a tool of rebellion he's using against me! You mean nothing to him! Soon he's going to come to his senses and dump you like a filthy rag. He'll go back to Lisa. You are just some freaky... plaything or something. You are disgusting!" John yelled. Cas couldn't help but laugh.

"Oh, that's funny, because Dean has called me the love of his life, his _the one_ , his soulmate. He told me how he missed me every single day for the past ten years. For some _bizarre_ reason, I believe his words over yours." Cas tapped his finger against his chin.

John's hands clenched into fists by his sides as he stared at Castiel. It was obvious to Cas that John had expected him to be scared of him and his threats, and was now at loss of what to do or say when it hadn't worked the way he had planned.

"You have poisoned my son. You have cast some spell over him! You are no good, you are no good to him!"

Castiel smirked. "Oh, but I am good to him. In the matter of fact, I was _so_ good to him just last night. I was good to him all. Night. Long." Castiel said, stretching out the words, tilting his head as he said them.

He watched how the flames of rage fumed behind John's eyes. Cas knew hinting to their sex life to Dean's father was like playing with fire, he knew he was taking it too far but he couldn't help himself.

If it wasn't for John, Dean and Castiel could be married by now, they could have had kids and a Golden Retriever in a house with a white picket fence. Or they might not have been together anymore but at least they could've had broken up on their own terms instead of being forced apart.

Saying that Castiel hated John was a vast understatement.

Castiel wasn't stupid. He had heard enough stories about John Winchester, he had held Dean in his arms so many times all those years ago after John had once again shown them just how good of a father he really was. He knew to expect the punch that John directed towards his face so he had time to dodge it.

"Really John? Are you going to hit me right here with all these people watching? I knew you weren't the sharpest pencil in the pencil case but that's fucking stupid even from you." Castiel shook his head.

John looked all the more shocked when even trying to hit him didn't make Castiel flinch.

Instead of backing away from him Castiel leaned forward. "Go home, John. There's nothing you can do about any of this. No matter what you try it's only going to make everything worse for yourself. Back away, leave me and Dean alone," Cas spoke calmly, keeping a strong eye contact with the older man all through his speech.

John's shoulders stiffened again but before he was able to lift his fist there was a hand on his bicep pulling him back. When John turned to look behind him Cas looked up at the blonde woman standing next to John, looking at him with pleading eyes.

"John, please don't," she said. Cas couldn't decide whether she was asking or commanding him, but it worked.

John pulled his arm away from her hold. With a final mean look to Cas, he turned and walked away. The woman, Dean's mother as Castiel assumed, turned to walk after John but then quickly turned back to Castiel, looking at him with sadness in her eyes.

"Did he really say that?" she asked quietly. Castiel blinked.

"What?"

"Did Dean really say to you that you are the one for him?" The woman asked, staring somewhere past Castiel's head.

"Yes, he did. And I said the same to him." Castiel answered calmly.

She looked down and nodded before leaving without saying another word. Cas was left there standing alone, the small crowd had slowly gathered around them starting to scatter.

                                              

Dean's work day was over around three that afternoon. When he got home he was still pissed off over the quick meeting he had had with Lisa's dad. He didn't know how he hadn't even thought about that at all during the few last weeks, about how he was working for Lisa's dad.

He rubbed his hands way too roughly over his face as he thought how he'd have to find another job before his boss would find a reason to fire him. Any job would do as long as he had something to fall back into when Lisa's father would eventually pull the carpet from under his feet.

Dean sighed deeply as he reached for his phone. There was one person who could make him feel better.

"Hello, Dean," Cas answered after just three rings. A small smile rose up to Dean's lips immediately after hearing his voice.

"Hi, baby, where are you? I miss you," Dean whined to the phone, making Cas chuckle.

"I'm still at work," Castiel answered with a sigh.

"Why? Don't the kids go home at three the latest? What are you still doing there?" Dean asked with a furrowed brow.

"I'm grading their homework. It won't take too long, maybe an hour or so. I was thinking I could cook for you tonight," Castiel said. Dean could hear the smile in his voice.

"Sounds perfect. What are you going to make?" Dean let himself fall even deeper into the couch he was laying on.

"I went to the market this morning and got a lot of fresh vegetables, so I was thinking chicken with roasted vegetables. How does that sound?" Castiel told him.

"Mmm, so good. Everything you make is delicious. You want me to bake something for dessert?" Dean hummed to the phone, letting his eyes slip closed.

"Thank you, Dean, I'd love that. I uh..." he hesitated, "I ran into your father today."

Dean was sitting up on the couch in a blink, eyes wide open.

"What? Where? What happened?" he asked, his mind filled with all kind of horror scenarios of what might have happened. Obviously, Cas was still alive since he was talking to him on the phone so at least John hadn't killed him.

"Somehow he knew who I am. He came to yell at me all kinds of nice stuff like how I've ruined your marriage and that I need to stay away from you. He called me so many things that I can't even care to remember. One thing he said was that I'm a tool of rebellion you're using against him or something like that," Cas told him.

"Fucking hell..." Dean pressed his forehead on his palm as he felt the anger building up inside of him again.

"He also tried to hit me but I managed to dodge it," Cas added. Dean stood up.

"What!?" he yelled to the phone.

"Dean, calm down. It's okay." Cas said gently.

"No, it's not! I'm going to fucking kill him!"

"Dean, please don't do anything stup--" was the last thing Dean heard before he ended the call.

Dean drove way over the speed limit straight to his childhood home.

He didn't stop to think as he slammed the car door shut and marched towards the front door. His brain was just repeating "dad attacked Cas, he tried to hit him. Dad tried to hit Cas. Dad attacked Cas."

"Where is he?!" Dean yelled as soon as he was inside. Mary looked scared as soon as she saw the rage in her son's eyes.

"Dean, please, nothing happened--" she tried to calm him down but then John was there, standing in the kitchen, staring at him.

Dean took a couple of quick steps towards him before hitting him square in the face so hard that John fell down on the floor.

"You go close to Castiel ever again and I'll fucking kill you!" Dean growled to his father as John looked up at him, his nose starting to bleed.

Dean was already turning to leave when his father opened his mouth.

"Was your faggot boyfriend too scared to fight me himself? Did the little fairy make you beat up your own father after I hurt his feelings?" John spat from the floor.

Dean turned back to glare at him.

"Cas didn't make me do shit! That's just something I've really wanted to do since I was fucking twelve, you just gave me a damn good reason to finally do it. And I'll do it again if I have to. Stay the fuck away from us you piece of shit!" Dean barked before he left the house.

The Impala's engine was still running when he got in. Dean speeded off before John even managed to get up from the floor.

Dean drove right over to Castiel's place even though Cas wasn't there yet. He waited in the parking lot, leaning against his car as his leg jittered. It was only then when he noticed how much his hand hurt.

He hadn't hit anyone since some stupid fights he'd gotten into in high school, he had forgotten completely how much it hurt your hand to punch someone.

He curled his hand into a fist, then straightened his fingers again and again. It hurt but nothing was broken, it'd be okay in a day or two.

"Dean? Are you okay? I tried to call you a million times." Castiel was suddenly standing next to him.

Dean hadn't even noticed him driving into his parking spot.

"Yeah. Sorry, I think I forgot my phone at home. I punched my dad." Dean said with wide eyes. He kept moving his right hand, clenching it into a fist before spreading his fingers as much as he could.

"What?" Cas asked way too loudly.

"He tried to hurt you," was the only explanation Dean gave. It was the only reason Dean needed.

Castiel pulled him into a hug.

"You didn't need to do that, not for me," he said as he pressed their bodies tightly against each other.

"It was mostly for me. I mean, I did it for you too but mostly I did it for myself. He's had it coming for decades, what he did to you was just the last straw," Dean spoke quietly.

"Come inside with me. I'll cook," Castiel said as he pulled away enough to look Dean in the eyes.

"Yeah. Yeah, dinner." Dean nodded, looking Cas in the eyes quickly before looking down on the ground.

He was obviously a little in shock of what he had done. Castiel wanted to hold him, to take care of him until everything would be okay again. He'd start with dinner.

                                             

It took Dean a couple of days to mentally recover from what had happened. Cas was there for him every moment he possibly could. They spent the days cooking and baking, watching movies and just being gentle to each other when they weren't at work.

Soon Castiel managed to ease Dean out of the shock of hitting his own father. When the weekend rolled over Dean was okay again.

Late on Saturday evening Dean's phone rang. He had to push Castiel off of him from where they were laying on the couch. They'd been watching a movie but it had been long forgotten as they'd started to slowly make out.

"It's Sam." Dean held up the phone before he answered it. "You're calling late," he said to the phone, getting up from the couch.

"Sorry, I hope I didn't wake you," Sam was speaking quietly.

"No no, we were watching a movie," Dean smiled at the dark mess of Cas's hair, it was the only part of the man he could see from where he was standing.

"Oh, Cas is there too? I can call some other time-" Sam started but Dean cut him off.

"Just tell me what's in your mind so I can go back to cuddling my- Cas." Dean cleared his throat. If Cas had heard the mistake Dean almost made he didn't react to it at all.

"Bobby called. He'd been at dad's birthday party. He said that everyone was wondering why we weren't there and why dad had a black eye." Sam said, sounding curious about the second part.

"Oh right, that thing. I didn't even tell you, I guess I forgot. I punched him in the face," Dean said like it was nothing.

"Oh. I'm only slightly surprised. When I heard about his black eye I immediately thought that he'd either gotten into a bar fight or it was you. What happened?" Sam asked. Dean was only slightly worried that his brother wasn't surprised about the fact that he had hit their father.

"He threatened Cas and tried to hit him." Dean didn't care to explain any further since he was sure Sam wouldn't need any more reasons for his actions than that. Sam hated their father even more than Dean and Cas did, combined.

"Oh, god. Is Cas okay?" Sam asked, sounding genuinely worried. Dean looked towards the couch again. He heard Cas chuckling at the movie. A small smile pulled at the corners of his lips.

"Yeah, he's good. He sassed the fuck out of dad." Dean sounded proud even to his own ears. Sam laughed.

"Amazing! But hey, I'll let you go back to him now. Tell him that I'm sorry about what dad did to him and that I'm proud of him for standing up against him. And Dean? Dad totally deserved what came to him," Sam spoke gently. Dean looked down.

"Yeah. I'll tell Cas. Thanks, Sam. Say hi to Jess from me. From us." They said good nights to each other before ending the call.

"Sam is proud of you." Dean huffed out as he flopped back down on the couch.

"What for?" Cas asked as he lifted his arm so that Dean could crawl next to him.

"For sassing our dad. Not many people are brave enough to do that." Dean pulled Castiel's arm tighter around himself. Cas let out an amused hum but didn't say anything more about it.

Cas stayed the night. He left before noon the next day to prepare for another week of teaching with a promise to come back to stay the night.

                                             

About an hour after Cas had left there was a knock on Dean's door. He looked at the door confused, he wasn't waiting for any guests.

 The knock came again.

He got up from the table he'd been sitting at, thinking about who it could be as he walked towards the door. None of his friends never came over before calling first and Cas had just left.

His eyes widened in surprise when he opened the door.

"Hi. Can I come in?" Mary asked.

Dean stepped to the side to let his mother inside. He looked around the hallway to see if his father was anywhere to be seen but there was no one there.

"What brings you here?" Dean asked. He didn't want to sound rude but his mom usually called a few days ahead if she wanted to come over.

She hadn't visited him at all since he broke up with Lisa. Dean was well aware that his parents didn't approve his current almost-a-relationship.

"I wanted to see my son and... I wanna have a talk with you," she answered calmly. She stepped further into the apartment, looking around. "This place looks nice. I like it."

"Um... Thanks. Do you want coffee?" Dean pointed his thumb towards the kitchen. Mary nodded.

"Yes, please."

Dean led her to the table. Mary sat down while he went to prepare the coffee.

"I wanted to talk to you about Castiel."

Dean stiffened immediately.

"Look, mom. I'm with him now, and I-" Dean started but Mary cut him off.

"Let me speak," Mary said with a gentle tone but it was enough to make Dean shut up.

He sat down on the opposite side of the table as soon as the coffee started to brew.

"I don't know if you know this but I was at the market too the other day. I heard what he said to your father and even though some of it was kind of rude, which in that situation was completely understandable, he also made a lot of sense. He clearly cares about you a lot and I know you care about him at least as much if not more. Dean, do you love him? I mean really love him?"

Dean swallowed hard.

"Yes, I do. More than I've ever loved anyone else," he said determinedly. Mary nodded in an accepting way.

"Then I'd like to get to know him," she said. Dean's eyes widened.

"You would?"

"Yes. He seems like a strong wise man and it seems to me that he's in your life to stay. I don't want to lose my son over something like this. If he makes you happy and doesn't hurt you then I'm ready to be more open minded, to get to know him," she spoke.

Dean felt the tears filling his eyes.

"Thanks, mom," Dean whispered as he pushed up from his seat to go around the table to hug his mother.

"You are my son, Dean, I love you with all my heart. I want you to be happy.  The last thing I want to do is to stand in the way of your happiness." Mary squeezed her son closer one more time before letting him go.

Dean wiped his tears with the side of his hand before moving away to pour the coffee into two large mugs.

"I'm not going to lie, I'm probably going to feel a little weird about seeing you two together at first. You know the way I was raised, but I can think with my own brain. Lately, I've started to understand that it's not my place to say who other people can and can't love. That's what it's all about; love. Love is never a bad thing so I'm going to give you two a chance." Mary smiled. All Dean could do was nod.

"Thank you, mom. That really... That means a lot to me. I know dad will never... He'll probably never even try to understand. I've been so scared thinking that I'd lost both of you, but if I can get you back that's... That's amazing, mom. You don't know how good it makes me feel that you are ready to meet Cas." Dean's eyes were still filled with tears as he looked at his mother. Mary took his hand over the table. "You are gonna to love him. You are going to absolutely love him, I'm sure of it," Dean chuckled through his tears. Mary smiled.

"I hope you're right. Now tell me about him." Mary smiled even wider.

Dean wiped his eyes again before he started to tell her absolutely everything about Castiel. He started right from the beginning, he told her how they had met at school all those years ago, how they had fallen so hard for each other right away. He told her how much Cas had supported and helped him through hard classes, studying with him for all their tests. He told her that Cas works as a teacher at the local preschool. Mary was very impressed by that.

"He doesn't want to call us boyfriends before my divorce is complete because he doesn't want to date a married man. Not that he isn't, but it's important to him, so we aren't officially together yet." Dean explained.

He assumed that Mary would scold them for being together before the divorce was final. He was surprised by what she said next.

"You and Lisa aren't together anymore, not really. It's all just about signing one paper, so Castiel shouldn't be feel bad or guilty about dating you."

Dean blinked in surprise.

"Yeah... That's- That's what I've been telling him too. But he wants to wait until I'm officially divorced before calling what we have a real relationship, and I'm okay with that." Dean nodded, agreeing with his mother's words.

Mary stayed for over two hours. They talked about anything and everything, they laughed together and Dean promised to ask Castiel if he'd like to have a dinner some day with Dean and his mother.

They hugged for a long time before she finally left. After she was gone Dean was feeling lighter inside, like a heavy weight had been lifted off of his chest. Well, at least half of the weight anyway.

                                                     

Castiel came over later that day. Before Dean could open his mouth, Cas was already pushing him towards the bedroom.

Dean decided that talking about his mother could wait.

An hour later as they were laying naked and sated on Dean's bed, their breathing gone back to normal, the sweat on their skin mostly dried, Dean started to talk.

"My mom wants to meet you," he announced towards the ceiling. Cas turned to his side, propping himself up on one elbow as he stared at Dean.

"What?"

"She came over today because she wanted to talk about you, about us. She said she wants to meet you and get to know you." Dean turned his head to look at him. Castiel stared down to his hands that were fiddling with the rumpled sheets.

"Do you think she really means it?" he asked quietly without meeting Dean's gaze.

"Yeah, I do. You should've heard her, the way she spoke about love and happiness. She said she doesn't want to stand in the way of _my_ happiness," Dean said. He took Castiel's hand gently in his.

"She did exactly that ten years ago," Castiel whispered so quietly that Dean barely heard him.

"Yeah, Cas, ten years ago. People change. She's ready to give you, _us_ , a chance. Can't you do the same for her?" Dean pleaded. The tone of his voice made Castiel finally look at him.

They were both quiet for a moment.

"What if she doesn't like me? Will she tell you to leave me again? Will you do again like your parents tell you to do?" Castiel asked with so much fear in his voice that it made Dean's heart twist. He pulled Cas down to his chest and hugged him tight.

"Nothing in this world is ever going to make me leave you again, you know that. If she won't like you, which I highly doubt, then it's too bad. I'm not leaving you, ever." Dean assured him, pressing a kiss into Castiel's sweaty hair.

"Okay. Okay, I guess I can do my part. Did you two plan anything yet?" Castiel asked, snuggling higher up against Dean until they were face to face on the same pillow.

"We were thinking dinner. You and I could cook something here, I could make a pie. We didn't decide the date yet since I wanted to talk to you first, but the sooner the better, right?" Dean smiled softly. After a moment, Cas nodded.

"We're both free on weekday evenings so whatever works for her." Cas shrugged, still sounding sad.

"Hey, cheer up, babe! It's going to be great." Dean shook him gently, smiling at him.

"I hope you're right." Cas gave him a weak smile.

Dean grinned at him.

"I'm always right." He winked before leaning in for a kiss.

                                    

The next day when Castiel had already left to work and Dean was just about to head out of the door, his phone rang.

"Hey Lis, what's up?" he asked as he made sure he had his keys with him before closing the door behind him.

"Hi, Dean. I uh, I got the final papers. Just need both of our signatures on the bottom and then it's final," she spoke quietly.

Dean took a breath in and let it out slowly to calm his suddenly frantically beating heart.

"Okay. I could come over after work, I get off around five or six today." He offered.

"Actually, I was thinking I could come over to your place if that's okay with you?" she asked, sounding a little unsure.

"Okay, sure. Do you want to come today or..?" Dean made his way towards his car, digging his keys out of his pocket while holding the phone to his ear with his shoulder.

"Today would be great, the sooner we get this over with the better. I just... I want to get this dealt with and move on with my life." Lisa sighed to the phone. Her voice was so dejected that Dean wished there'd be something he could do to help her, to make her feel better. Unfortunately, he couldn't think of anything.

"Today is good. I'll text you when I get off. Do you have a day off?" Dean asked conversationally , trying to make it sound light and happy.

"Yeah, I've been doing a little fewer hours lately. Right after we broke up I drowned myself in work. My boss decided that I can't keep doing that so now I work a little less than I normally would. Nothing huge, I have like an hour or two shorter days than before," she explained. Dean stopped as he sat down on the driver's seat.

"Lis... Are you okay? How are you holding up?"

For some reason, the realization of how strongly Lisa was taking their divorce came as a surprise to him. He felt bad about how easy those last few weeks had been for him. Somehow hearing the pain in her voice now that he had already moved on made him realize just how much Lisa really loved him. Or at least used to love. A tightness wrapped around Dean's chest and he swallowed as he bowed his head down.

"I'm okay. I mean, it hasn't been easy but I'm hanging in there. Some days are better, and then there are days when I get the final paperwork from my attorney and it all just comes... It hits hard. But I got my parents and friends here for me so I'm getting over it," she sighed, but then chuckled right after it. "I'm getting over you, Dean."

Even thought she was laughing Dean could hear the sorrow in her voice.

"You are doing so great Lis, I'm so proud of you. I'm sorry about all this but... you know I can't change it. Even if I could I-" Dean spoke slowly until Lisa interrupted him.

"You wouldn't. I know, and I wouldn't take you back even if you wanted me to, not anymore. I know us wasn't what you needed in your life, or what you... wanted. I'm happy for you that you've found what you need and want elsewhere, I truly am, Dean. You don't need to worry about me, I'll be okay eventually. I'm getting there." Lisa assured him. Dean could hear the small smile in her voice.

"Thanks, Lisa, you are amazing. But hey, I need to get going so I won't be late for work, I might get fired for that. I'll let you know when I get back home so you can come over. We can talk some more then if you want to, okay?" Dean tried to sound optimistic and energetic, hoping that it would make Lisa feel the same way.

"You won't get fired for being late!" she laughed.

"I just might these days."

"Oh. Well hurry then, I won't hold you any longer. Bye, Dean," Lisa said before hanging up.

                                       

Dean's day at work went past quickly. He had two meetings with customers that both took over two hours and a shit ton of paperwork to keep him busy for the rest of the day. While sitting at his desk he noticed his boss, Lisa's dad, passing by a couple of times, staring at him like he was just waiting for him to make a mistake. Dean felt like at this point dropping a pen could get him fired. It made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

As soon as Dean got everything done by 5:30 PM he texted Lisa that he was on his way home. He loosened his tie while waiting at a red light and sighed. He wasn't sure what to expect.

When he parked his car in his spot behind the building Lisa was already there in front of the main door.

"You got here fast," Dean smiled as he walked towards her. Lisa took a step towards him.

"I was running errands so I was already on the move when you texted me," she explained. Dean unlocked the main door to let them in, motioning her towards the elevator. Dean's apartment was on the third floor, at the end of the hall.

As soon as Lisa stepped in she shook off her jacket as she looked around the place.

"Wow, everything looks so... New." She commented as she turned to look at Dean.

"Yeah, well, all our furniture were yours so I had to go and buy everything I needed," Dean said, taking off his suit jacket.

"If there's anything at my house that you want just tell me and you can have it," Lisa said.

"No, Lis, I took everything that's mine when I left, all that I left behind is yours. And look at this, I got everything I need." Dean gestured around them. Lisa looked at the living room before turning towards him.

"Do you mind if I look around?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Sure, go ahead. I'll make us some coffee." Dean smiled, nodding his head towards the kitchen.

Dean's apartment wasn't that big so just after a couple of minutes Lisa sat down at the kitchen table.

"This place looks nice. Did you decorate it yourself?" Dean turned to face her from the other side of the kitchen where he was preparing the coffee when she spoke.

"Yeah. Well, Cas helped. Everything's from IKEA," Dean chuckled.

"That's nice. How are you two doing?" She obviously tried to sound nonchalant but Dean was able to see the nervousness in her eyes. He wasn't sure what kind of answer she was hoping for.

He decided to go with the truth.

"We're good. My mom actually wants to meet him, get to know him, which I never thought would happen. We're planning on having dinner soon, just the three of us." Dean smiled a little, the affection in his voice obvious as soon as he was talking about Castiel.

"That's great, Dean! How about your dad?" Lisa asked, tilting her head in a way that made it clear she knew this was a touchy subject but she had to ask. The smile on Dean's face was gone in a blink. He turned to look out of the kitchen window.

"He... He isn't coming. He doesn't approve my relationship with Castiel. The situation with him has gone from bad to worse. I don't think he's ever going to come around, he's so stuck in his ancient homophobic opinions, he's too arrogant to even consider the possibility that he might be wrong. I think his own egotism and pride is more important to him than..." Dean looked down, swallowing the lump in his throat before continuing so quietly that Lisa barely heard him. "Than staying in touch with his own son." He shook his head a little as he felt the tears burning behind his eyes.

He heard the legs of the chair scraping the floor and in a blink Lisa was holding him, her arms wrapped around him, her hand gently moving up and down his upper back. Dean pressed his face against her shoulder as the tears started to fall.

"Hey, shush shush shush, it's okay. Everything's going to be okay," she whispered. Dean wrapped his arms around her, hugging her tightly.

"I've always known he's a shitty person and a poor example of a father, but I just can't believe he'd rather cut off all connection between us than accept me as I am." Dean was sobbing against her shoulder. All Lisa could do was hold him a little tighter.

"If he's stupid enough to disown you because of who you love he is the one losing something here, not you. He's the one who loses the best son anyone could ever ask for. Dean, no matter what your father says there is nothing wrong with you," Lisa said, pulling Dean's head up to look him in the eyes. "I want you to know that no matter how mad I've been with you during this time, how much I've hated you some nights, it has never had anything to do with who you are with. I would've been just as mad if Castiel had been a woman. His gender means nothing to me." Lisa held the eye contact even when Dean tried to look away because she needed to make this clear. Dean nodded.

"Thanks. I needed to hear that, I've been thinking if you hate me because I'm with a man now, if that's why-"

"No. Dean, no. It doesn't affect anything.  Even though I am sad and sometimes angry, so angry about our divorce, I'm still proud of you for finally being who you really are. I know this is hard for you, I remember when you told me all those years ago why you and Castiel broke up back in the day, the fact that you are now with him no matter what your dad thinks proves that you are so strong, Dean. I'm proud of you for being who you are. Your sexuality and Castiel's gender doesn't affect the way I think about you in any way. Do you understand me?" she asked. Dean wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Yeah, I understand. Thank you, Lisa, you don't know how much that means to me," he sniffed. Lisa patted his shoulder as they let go of each other completely before she took a step back.

"You pour the coffee, I'll go get the papers, okay?" She smiled sweetly. Dean nodded. "A bit of milk and-"

"And two sugars. I remember." Dean smiled back at her. Lisa looked at him with a small smile on her lips before walking back to the doorway where she had left her purse.

Lisa laid the papers on the table and they went through them together. They agreed that both would keep what's theirs, Lisa would keep the house and what is in it, even though she stressed that if Dean at any point realizes that he forgot something there he could come pick it up, and Dean assured that he has everything he needs. They both had their own cars so there was no arguing about those either.

After going through every part of the forms they both signed the papers. Dean handed them to her.

"I'll take these to my attorney today, he'll take them to the judge. You'll be informed when the divorce is official, shouldn't take more than a week or so." Lisa smiled as she pushed the papers back into her purse.

"You want more coffee?" Dean held up the pot.

"Maybe half a cup, thank you." Lisa picked up her cup with a smile. Dean poured her cup almost full before pouring what was left into his own mug. "So, this morning on the phone you said that you might get fired for being late."

"Uh, yeah. Your dad told me one day that the only reason he hasn't fired me yet is because you asked him not to, thank you for that by the way, but he also said that he'd be keeping an eye on me, and the first excuse he got he'd fire me immediately." Dean looked down to his hands that were wrapped around the mug.

"Really?" Lisa's jaw dropped. "Do you want me to talk to him? I could try and change his mind." Dean shook his head.

"It's okay, thanks. I'm... Honestly, marketing isn't really what I want to do for the rest of my life, and... I kinda have a plan. I don't know if it'll ever work but lately, I've been kinda wanting to find out." Dean hummed with a smile.

"What kinda plan?"

Dean glanced up at her.

"It's a secret." He winked at her and she rolled her eyes.

"Does it have something to do with the top drawer of our computer desk?" Lisa asked knowingly. Dean's eyes widened.

"How did you know about that?"

"I tried to put something there a long time ago but it was locked. First, I thought that the old drawer was just stuck and let it be, but then like about a year later I saw you putting some papers there. I got curious, tried to open it a couple of times but damn, they made the desks to last back in the day!" She laughed.

"So you didn't get it open?"

"No, I didn't. I could've managed to open it with an ax but I thought you might've noticed that." Lisa chuckled. "Seriously, what did you keep there?" She grinned.

"You'll find out if my plan ever works out," Dean smirked and took a sip of his coffee.

"I think I can rule 'weird porn' out of the list of 'possible things Dean's hiding' then." She laughed, making Dean almost choke on his coffee.

"Definitely not porn." He laughed out loud after swallowing.

 


	11. The dinner

Mary called Dean on Tuesday to plan the dinner. They agreed that Thursday evening would work perfectly for all of them. She'd be coming over around six for the dinner, and more importantly, to meet Castiel.

As soon as Cas got to Dean's place at four on Thursday they started to prepare the meal together. Castiel started to work on the vegetables as Dean worked on the pie. He had decided to make a blueberry pie because he knew it was Mary's favorite. He had made the crust from scratch before Cas got there and was now making the filling.

"Are you sure your mom will like all this?" Cas asked as he pushed the seasoned and lightly marinated vegetables into the oven.

"Everyone in my family loves a good steak," Dean grinned over his shoulder.

"I'm just worried that she won't like it. Maybe we should've asked what she'd like for dinner? What if I mess up with the steaks?" Castiel was talking quickly. Dean wiped his hands on a towel before stepping to stand right next to him.

"How do I get the feeling that it's not the food you are worried about?" Dean placed a hand on Cas's arm. Castiel turned to look at him slowly.

"What if she hates me?" he asked quietly, his eyes wide with fear. Dean pulled him into a hug.

"She's going to love you. She'll love the food, too. I'm here with you the whole time, I won't leave you alone with her for a second. You'll be fine." He pressed a kiss on top of Cas's head. Cas wrapped his arms loosely around Dean's waist.

"I'm just nervous," he sighed.

"It's okay, honey. No matter what she thinks about you after today, I'm not going anywhere. They can't break us up anymore. Just be yourself and be nice to her, okay? After all, she's my mom and she's ready to accept us. She's doing this because she doesn't want to lose me, and I don't want to lose her too like I've already lost my dad." Dean pulled away enough to look him in the eyes. Cas blinked up at him and took a deep breath.

"Yeah, I know. I'm still not happy that she made us break up all those years ago, I'll never be happy about that, but she's making an effort now, so I can push all that old anger I had for her to the side and start fresh. I'll be on my best behavior." He smiled. Dean leaned in to press a quick kiss on his lips.

"Thank you, Cas, this means the world to me," he said before pressing another kiss on his lips. "I need to get back to my pie now. Can you peel the potatoes next?" He smiled as he let go of Cas who nodded before they both went back to work.

The pie was ready an hour before Mary was supposed to arrive. Dean smiled as he pulled it out of the oven. It looked delicious, it'd be perfect when it would be time to serve the dessert. He'd make a vanilla whipped cream before serving it.

"It smells amazing," Castiel sighed as he wrapped his arms around Dean's middle from behind as Dean put the pie to cool on a rack.

"Of course it does, I made it," Dean smirked as he turned around, placing his hands on Cas's hips. Cas leaned in to kiss him slowly, gently pushing his tongue into his mouth. Dean hummed into the kiss, pulling Cas even closer.

After a couple of minutes, Dean broke the kiss.

"What do we need to do next?" he asked. Cas sneaked a hand behind Dean's neck, pulling him down.

"Next, you need to kiss me some more," he mumbled against Dean's lips, making him chuckle.

"Babe, we have a small dinner party to throw, we don't have time for a make-out session." He tried to step back but Cas pressed him against the counter.

"One, you can't really call it a dinner party if it's just us and your mom. Two, there's always time for making out." Cas pointed out, his eyes still closed as he reached up for Dean's lips. With a roll of his eyes, Dean gave up, leaning back down for another kiss.

Several minutes later Cas pulled away from the kiss, looking at Dean from under his lashes.

"I love kissing you, I don't think I'll ever get enough of it." Cas bit his lower lip.

"Yeah, me too. Now we really need to get back to work, though. You make the mashed potatoes, I'll take care of the steaks," Dean said as he pulled a pan from one of the cabinets.

"Excuse me, but no. I'm cooking the meat." Cas took the pan from Dean, who just stared at him for a second.

"Okay, calm down," he finally laughed, shaking his head.

Castiel seasoned the steaks and put them in the fridge so he could cook them just moments before they'd serve the dinner. Dean peeled and diced the potatoes before throwing them into the pot.

Now that neither of them had basically nothing to do for a moment Cas started to fidget.

"You okay?" Dean asked as he leaned back on the table.

"Do I smell? I feel like I'm sweating. Did I put too much fragrance on?" Cas lifted his arms, sniffing himself. Dean laughed.

"You are not gonna try to hit on my mom, are you? Dude, she doesn't care how you smell!" Dean gestured towards him. Cas lifted his head, a fierce look in his eyes.

"I don't want to smell bad when I meet your mother for the first time, Dean! Smell me." Cas snapped and walked up to him.

"I'm not gonna smell you." Dean chuckled.

"Fucking smell me, do I smell bad?" Cas commanded sharply. Dean rolled his eyes but leaned in anyway to take a sniff of Cas's neck.

"You smell good, okay? Just the right amount of fragrance," he sighed. "Babe, this is going to go fine. You are amazing, there's no way she won't agree with me on that. She's going to love you, I'm sure of that. Just try to relax, forget everything that happened a decade ago and be yourself. It's gonna be fine." He pulled Cas into a hug, letting him press his head against his shoulder.

"I hope you're right," Cas sighed as he closed his eyes.

"I'm always right," Dean grinned. Cas snorted.

"Sure you are, honey." Cas opened his eyes just to roll them at him. It made Dean burst out laughing.

They still had about thirty minutes until Mary was supposed to arrive so they set the table together. Dean made fun of Cas when he started to fold the napkins he had bought just for the occasion, but Cas just told him to shut up and go mash the potatoes. When Cas was done with the table he went to take the steaks out of the fridge, glancing up at the clock hanging on the kitchen wall.

"Ten minutes," he mumbled to himself, rubbing his sweaty palms against his jeans. "I need to go change my shirt!" he informed Dean before rushing out of the room, picking up his bag from the floor as he went. Dean turned to stare after him just as Cas pushed the door to Dean's bedroom closed after himself.

A few minutes later Cas came back to the kitchen wearing a black button-down that hugged his frame nicely.

"Well?" He spread his arms in front of Dean who looked him up and down with wide eyes.

"You just made this dinner that much harder for me. Fuck, you look amazing. Maybe I should call my mom, cancel the whole thing-"

"Dean! Don't do that. Seriously, is this okay?" Cas gestured to his shirt. Dean stopped what he was doing and stepped closer to him until he was close enough to wrap his arms around Castiel.

"Babe, you look amazing. You look both fucking hot and like the son-in-law of every mother's dreams."

Cas sighed. "Except for the mother who only has sons," he pointed out with a raised eyebrow.

"Do you need me to tell you one more time that she's going to love you? Because she's going to love you. I'm sure of it." Dean nodded.

"How can you be so sure?" Cas tilted his head to the side.

"Because I- I just am." Dean nodded, swallowing hard. Before Cas could comment anything to it the doorbell rang. They both turned to look towards the door.

"She's here. Come." Dean smiled and took Castiel's hand, squeezing it hard as they walked to the door together.

Mary was smiling wide as the door opened. Cas tried to smile back to her but it looked awkward and forced instead of a natural happy smile.

"Hi, mom, come in!" Dean stepped to the side, gesturing her to come inside. Finally, her eyes landed on Castiel who swallowed hard, squeezing Dean's hand so hard it hurt. "So, mom, this is Cas. Cas, this is my mom Mary." Dean introduced them. Cas held out his right hand for Mary to shake while keeping his left hand tightly clasped on Dean's.

"It's nice to meet you," Mary smiled at him, quickly glancing up at her son. "I brought wine." She smiled, pulling a bottle from her bag.

"Great, it will go perfectly with the dinner, right Cas?" Dean smiled, prompting Cas to say something.

"Ah, yes. Yes, it will. Shall we move into the kitchen?" Cas suggested.

They walked to the dining area and Mary put the wine bottle on the table.

"I'll go get the bottle opener." Cas pointed towards the kitchen. He was gone before Dean or Mary could say anything. Dean turned to look at his mother.

"He's nervous," Dean smiled awkwardly, shrugging his shoulder.

"He isn't the only one, but we'll work around it." Mary nodded with a confident smile that made Dean relax a little. Right at that moment Castiel walked back into the room with the corkscrew in his hand. Dean held out his hand for it.

"I'll open the wine, honey, you go cook the steaks," Dean smiled sweetly. Castiel nodded.

"All right. The dinner will be ready soon." He smiled politely at Dean's mother.

"Sounds perfect. Do you mind if we join you in the kitchen?" Mary asked. Castiel blinked once, surprised by her question.

"No, of course not," he answered after a beat.

"Yeah, we'll be right with you," Dean smiled as he took the corkscrew from Castiel. Cas made his way back into the kitchen as Dean opened the wine bottle, pouring some for all of them. He handed Mary her glass before picking up his and Castiel's. "Kitchen is right around the corner."

Castiel was already cooking the first steaks on the pan. Dean smiled at his mother before walking up to him. He wrapped his arm gently around Cas's lower back as he stopped to stand right next to him.

"You need my help with anything?" Dean smiled gently. Cas turned to look up at him.

"Could you take the vegetables out of the oven please?" Cas smiled back. Dean could tell that he was trying his best to act normally under Mary's watching eyes, but he still seemed a little stiff.

"Sure thing, babe," Dean smiled, letting go of him before reaching for the oven mitts.

"What are we having tonight?" Mary asked from where she was sitting at the kitchen island, slowly sipping on her wine. Dean gave a pointed look to Castiel, wordlessly telling him to answer her question. Castiel turned around to face her.

"We've made mashed potatoes, slow roasted vegetables, and I'm just cooking the steaks. For dessert Dean has made us a blueberry pie," Castiel spoke like a professional waiter. Dean felt a grin tugging at his lips and he had to turn to the oven to pull out the vegetables to not to laugh at Castiel's overly polite tone.

"That sounds lovely. Do you cook a lot, Castiel?"

"Uh, yes, I do. I'm no master chef by any means but I know enough about cooking to keep myself alive." Cas tried to joke. Dean chuckled as he straightened up, pushing the tray on the counter before turning around and pulling Cas tightly against his side.

"He's totally talking himself down, he's a great cook!" Dean assured his mother who smiled brightly when Cas blushed under Dean's praise.

"I need to flip the steaks..." Cas muttered, freeing himself from Dean's hold. Dean chuckled as he moved to put the vegetables into a serving bowl. He scooped the mashed potatoes into another bowl.

"I'm taking these to the table," Dean told them before walking out of the room with the bowls. Cas felt Mary's eyes on the back of his neck but he was too nervous to turn around or even say anything.

"I think Dean was right about your cooking skills, everything smells just amazing," Mary commented. It made Cas straighten up a little.

"I hope it tastes as good as it smells." He quickly glanced at her over his shoulder to see her smiling at him.

"I'm sure it does."

Dean walked back into the room. He took a sip of his wine, leaning against the table.

"Cas, how's the meat?" Dean asked loudly.

"Done in a minute. You can go sit down already, I'll bring these over as soon as they are ready." Cas told them from over his shoulder, secretly wishing for even a couple of minutes to breathe in peace. To his relief Dean and Mary took their wine glasses and moved to the dining area. As soon as they were out of the room Cas could let his shoulders relax.

The steaks were done quickly. Cas put them on a serving plate, taking one last deep breath before walking to the table. He put on his most charming smile right before Mary could see him.

"Okay, here we go. Dean, could you move that bowl a little so I can... Thank you." Castiel put the plate down in the middle of the table and sat down next to Dean. Mary was sitting right opposite from them.

For a moment, they all ate mostly in silence. Mary praised the food and Dean smiled proudly at Castiel, squeezing his thigh under the table as Castiel thanked her.

"So, Castiel. I heard you work at the school." Mary started the conversation while they all still had some food left on their plates. Castiel looked up at her. He wiped the corners of his mouth on a napkin before answering.

"Yes, that is correct. I'm an elementary school teacher, I have a class of 25 kids," he told her.

"Your days must be full of energy," Mary smiled brightly. Castiel chuckled and nodded.

"Yes, the kids can be a little over energetic at times, but now that I've gotten to know them I know how to make all of them listen and do their work. At first, it was harder but now that they've learned to trust and respect me it has gotten a lot easier. Of course, every day is different and kids are kids, but I'm managing quite well with them," Castiel explained with a smile. He loved his class, every single kid he got to spend his days with.

From what he had heard from Dean, Mary absolutely adored kids, she was very family centered and had worked in a day care center for years before she got pregnant with Dean. He talked a bit more about his work, about how he handles different kind of children to give them all the same chance to learn.

"You seem to know what you are doing." She smiled, nodding. Castiel felt like he had just passed an important test. "Do you want kids of your own?"

Dean's head snapped up, and just as he hissed _"mom"_ to her Cas answered clearly "yes, I do." Dean turned to look at him so quickly that he felt something in his neck pop.

"You do?" he asked with wide eyes. Castiel turned his attention to him.

"Yes. I love kids, otherwise I wouldn't be working with them. I really do want a family of my own someday. Don't you?"

Dean opened and closed his mouth a couple of times but nothing came out.

"Dean?" Mary asked, waiting for him to say something.

"I- Yeah, I mean, I do. Want kids. But it just feels too early to talk about it right now." Dean shifted awkwardly in his seat. He could tell by the look on Castiel's face that he wanted to ask something, but apparently decided to save it for later since instead he took a sip of his wine.

"You'd be an amazing father." Mary smiled at her son, placing her hand on top of Dean's, squeezing it gently before pulling her hand back and turning to look at Castiel, "you, too."

"Thank you." Castiel nodded.

Dean and Mary spent the next ten minutes talking about family members that Castiel didn't know as they all finished their meals. Cas felt a little awkward just sitting there while Dean and his mother talked to each other and there was absolutely nothing Cas could say to their topics. On the other hand, he was glad that Mary wasn't bombarding him with endless questions.

"I'll bring out the pie," Dean said as he pushed his chair back. Cas looked up at him.

"Do you need help with the plates?" He was already getting up too, but Dean stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

"I got this, you just sit tight. Winchester's awesome blueberry pie coming right up!" Dean smiled widely at them before collecting all their empty plates and carrying them into the kitchen.

A short silence filled the room before Mary decided it was time for more questions.

"Do your parents still live in town?"

"No, they moved to California after my youngest brother Samandriel moved away for college," Castiel answered.

"What brought you back here, then?" She asked next. There was something in her tone that Cas didn't want to think too much about.

"My oldest brother, Michael, moved back here some time ago,  he helped me to get my current job, and since I was... I was in a situation where I needed a change I decided to take the job and move back here." Castiel nodded awkwardly, glancing down to the table before lifting his gaze back to Mary who was staring at him intently. She looked like she was dying to know more about what Castiel meant by the ' _situation_ ' he had mentioned but instead she changed the subject.

"You have quite a large family if I remember correctly."

"Yes, eight siblings." Castiel nodded just as Dean walked back into the room with the pie and dessert plates.

"Anyone want any more wine?" Dean rubbed his hands together. Castiel quietly waited for Mary's answer before declining, just like she had done too.

"The pie smells delicious," Mary smiled sweetly as Dean started to cut it into slices.

"Thanks. I used your recipe but I added my own little twist to it." Dean grinned as he served her a big slice. "Think you can guess it?"

Mary took a bite, humming approvingly around it. "Did you add vanilla?" she guessed, but Dean shook his head with a grin on his lips.

"A hint of nutmeg," he whispered, leaning over the table towards his mother like he was sharing a secret with her.

"This is absolutely delicious!" Mary announced before taking another bite. Castiel shoved a forkful of pie into his mouth and turned to look at Dean with a smile.

"I agree with your mother," he said before even swallowing, making Dean chuckle at him. Cas swallowed before he turned to look at Mary, smiling politely. "I love Dean's cooking, you've taught him well."

"Oh no, he's learned most on his own, I can't take any credit for it. I remember a million occasions where I came home after a long, and Dean had baked something for the whole family." Mary looked at her son affectionately.

Mary asked more about Cas's job as they were finishing their dessert. Dean could practically see the respect for Cas growing in his mother's eyes.

"Castiel, I'd like to speak to you alone." Mary suddenly said when Dean was cleaning the table. Both men stopped, glancing nervously at each other.

"Uh, mom--" Dean started, but Castiel interrupted him.

"Yes, of course." He smiled at her. He gave a small nod to Dean, wordlessly telling him it was okay.

"Okay. I'll uh... I'll take out the trash, then." Dean put the plates back on the table.

Castiel led Mary into the living room. They sat down next to each other on the couch, their bodies angled towards each other.

"I'm going to be totally honest with you." Mary started, staring deep into his eyes. Cas swallowed his nervousness and nodded.

"It's still weird for me to see Dean with a man, the whole idea of my son dating a man is... I still need to work on that on my own. But I like you, Castiel. You're smart, down to earth, and exactly the kind of person I always thought Dean would end up with, even though I always imagined it to be a woman. I can see how happy you two make each other." She swallowed once, thinking of her next words. "I always thought Dean was happy with Lisa, I'm not saying he wasn't, but I see the difference in him now when he's with you. I truly respect your decision of not being officially together with Dean before his divorce is through. Unlike my husband, I don't blame you for breaking Dean and Lisa up, I know you had nothing to do with that," she spoke calmly.

"Do you think..." Cas started, glancing towards the kitchen to make sure Dean was out of the apartment before turning back to Mary, "do you think John is ever going to accept us?"

Mary sighed deeply. "I hope he will but I can't say for sure. He's very... extreme with his opinions."

"Yes, I have noticed that." Castiel shook his head, looking down to his hands. He fiddled with his fingers and took a couple of deep breaths before continuing. "It's tearing Dean apart. I know he tries not to care but how could he not? It's his father." Castiel sighed, looking up at Mary again. Mary was looking back at him with a sad expression on her face. Suddenly she placed her hand gently on Castiel's shoulder.

"I'll talk to him. I want you to know that you two have my blessing. You're good to him. I promise I'll work on my own outdated opinions. Dean is my oldest son, I can't lose him over something like this when... It doesn't matter who he loves as long as he's happy. A decade ago I thought I could change him, fix him somehow, but now I know better. There's nothing wrong with him and I wouldn't change a thing about him even if I could." Mary squeezed his shoulder.

Castiel swallowed around the lump in his throat, fighting back tears. Right at that moment the front door opened.

"Thank you," Castiel whispered. Mary pulled him into a tight hug just as Dean walked into the room.

"No one's dead, that must be a good sign," Dean grinned but his face dropped when Castiel turned to look at him with teary eyes, pulling away from the hug. "Cas, babe, you okay?"

Castiel quickly wiped his eyes on the back of his hand. "Yes, everything's good." Castiel nodded as Mary smiled gently at him.

Soon after that Mary announced she'd have to go. To Dean's surprise, Castiel and Mary hugged again, long and tight before she stepped out of the door.

"Dude, what happened?" Dean asked as soon as the door was closed. Castiel turned towards him and gently took his hand.

"We have her blessing," Castiel whispered. Dean pulled him into a hug.

"What did she say?"

"She literally said we have her blessing. She spoke so sweetly of you, she said she liked me. She even offered to talk to your father, to try to make him come around." Castiel spoke against Dean's shoulder. Dean tensed for a second at the mention of his father but soon relaxed again when Castiel tightened his grip around his waist.

"That's amazing. Told you she'd love you." He pressed a kiss into Cas's hair.

Castiel leaned back enough to gently press their lips together. The kiss was quick and soft, it left them both smiling sweetly at each other.

"Wanna help me clear the table?" Dean asked and Castiel nodded. Dean kissed him once again before taking his hand and pulling him into the dining room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've gotten so many comments on previous chapters about Mary and it was //so hard// not to say anything! I couldn't really reply anything to the comments about how confused you were about homophobic Mary, how it didn't fit your personal headcanons at all. I was just sitting here like "don't spoil it, don't spoil it!" But now it's finally out! Yay Mary isn't a (complete) piece of shit!


	12. It's official

In the following week after the dinner, Mary contacted Dean daily. She called him, texted him pictures of what she had made for dinner, asked about how he and Cas were doing, just small things. It was nice, Dean found it adorable even. He was pretty sure this was her way of showing her support for him, for them. It warmed his heart.

Before all of this had started Dean had enjoyed his job. Well, kind of. It had never been his dream job but at least back then he had been mostly left alone, and all encounters with his boss or co-workers had been friendly. After the divorce, his boss, Lisa's father, had been a total dick to him, which Dean understood. He had broken his little girl's heart. If the roles had been reversed Dean would've been even a bigger dick to him. It wasn't the worst part, no. Some of his co-workers had shown their real colors after they'd found out why Dean had left Lisa. The nicest people had turned out to be homophobic pieces of shit who wouldn't even talk to him anymore, they just looked at him like he was dirt on the bottom of their shoes.

Of course, most of their clients knew nothing about what was going on behind the scenes so at least meetings with them were just as nice or horrible, depending on the customer, as they had always been. Dean knew he was good at what he did, he knew knowing the customers as well as he did by that point was very important when it came to keeping them happy, so he hoped that'd help him keep his job.

The negative atmosphere at the office was pushing him down. Lisa's father seemed to be on bad mood every time Dean as much as walked past him, staring at him like Dean had killed his puppy. No matter how good he was at his job he knew no one was irreplaceable.

After a way too long Friday at work Dean texted Cas on his way home, asking if he'd like to come over. Cas answered quickly, promising he'd be there in half an hour. The message made Dean smile for the first time that day.

He had just changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt when his doorbell rang. He had thought about giving Cas a key to his apartment but had decided it'd be too soon. He only regretted that decision a little when he had to drag his ass all the way to the door to let the guy in.

"I brought beer." Cas announced as a greeting, holding up a six pack.

"I knew there was a reason I liked you." Dean smiled as he pulled the door closed after Cas.

Cas leaned in to press a quick kiss on his lips. "It's the beer I keep bringing you, and my cock sucking skills," he grinned, his face still just an inch from Dean's. Dean chuckled.

"True."

Cas put four bottles into the fridge, handing Dean one and opening his own. "Do you want to watch a movie?" he suggested.

"Nah, not really. I thought we could just, I don't know, chill. Hang out," Dean shrugged.

"All right, works for me," Cas smiled. Dean chuckled, moving closer to him. He put his beer down on the table next to them and gently pressed his hand on the side of Cas's neck, guiding him into a kiss.

Somewhere in the middle of the lazy slow kiss Cas put his beer down too, wrapping his hands around Dean's waist.

"I missed you," Dean whispered against his lips, "had a shitty day at work. The one thing that got me through it was the thought of being here with you, just like this."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Cas pulled away a little more.

Dean sighed. "I don't know, I just... I think I'm gonna lose my job."

"Okay, we're definitely talking about this. Come." He stepped back from Dean's hold. He took both of their bottles, nodding his head towards the living room. Dean followed him quietly, sitting down next to him on the couch. Cas handed him his bottle before encouraging him to talk.

"So uh... As you know, I work for Lisa's dad. He wasn't exactly delighted about us getting a divorce and me starting to..." Dean glanced at Cas who, bless him, nodded in understanding, helping Dean dodge the awkwardness, "Yeah, so he heard about you. I'm not sure if he's homophobic or if he just hates me for divorcing his daughter, kinda hard to tell when the guy is always mad at me these days," he chuckled awkwardly. He then cleared his throat, looking down to his hands, rubbing them together roughly. "Some other guys at work, though... It's clear that they have a problem with me being into guys, too. They look at me like..." Dean swallowed hard.

Cas reached out to gently take his hand, squeezing it. Dean's gaze jumped up to him.

"They don't matter," Cas said quietly. Dean nodded, looking down again.

"Yeah, I know. It's just hard when the people who used to be your friends, at least at the office, start whispering about you behind your back. Once I walked into the break room just as they were talking about me and..." Dean chuckled but there was no humor in it, "I don't care what they say but still, hearing the things they said... They didn't even try to apologize or pretend like they hadn't said anything even though they knew I had heard them. They just scoffed at me like I was the most disgusting thing walking on this planet."

Cas wrapped his arm around Dean's shoulders, pulling him tight against his side. He pressed a gentle kiss to his temple before Dean tucked his face against his neck.

"You're perfect. And you can't be disgusting, I don't fuck disgusting guys." Cas said, making Dean chuckle against his skin.

They were quiet for a moment, Dean just breathing in Cas's scent, letting it calm him down.

"Do you really think you are going to lose your job?" Cas broke the silence. Dean sighed loudly and straightened up. He rubbed his fingers a tad too roughly over his eyes as he spoke.

"My boss told me weeks ago that the only reason I hadn't been kicked out already was because Lisa had asked him not to. He said he was keeping an eye on me and," Dean started to badly imitate his boss's voice, _"one mistake and you are out!"_

Cas giggled at the way Dean tried to make himself look bigger while pretending to be his boss.

Dean shoved on his shoulder, "don't laugh this is serious!" but he couldn't hide his own smile at all.

"I'm sorry, I know." Castiel tried to stop laughing, chuckling a bit more before managing to pull a straight face. "Do you have any kind of fall back plan in case you get fired?"

Dean quickly looked down, a slight flush rising up to his cheeks. Cas's brow furrowed in confusion.

"Dean?"

Dean glanced at him, then towards the bookshelf.

"I um..." he cleared his throat, "I actually have this..." he coughed nervously, "I don't know, it's stupid, it's probably never going to happen anyway," he straightened up.

"Tell me."

Dean turned to look at him. Cas was watching him with a mixture of curiosity and determination in his eyes. They stared at each other for several seconds until Dean looked back towards the bookshelf. "Okay. You can't laugh at this, though!"

"I won't," Castiel promised with a nod. Dean got up, walked to the bookshelf and stopped right in front of it. He looked back at Cas over his shoulder.

Cas still had that same look in his eyes. Dean hesitated for a second. He had never told anyone about this before. He took a deep breath before crouching down to pull open the bottom drawer. He took out a shoebox, stood up with the box in his hands. He took a moment to breathe before he was able to walk back to Castiel.

He wasn't even sure why he was so nervous about telling him about his little dream. Maybe because it wasn't a _little_ dream. Maybe because he had secretly wanted for that dream to come true for years now but had always thought he wouldn't be able to do it. He still wasn't sure about it.

He sat back down next to Cas slowly, lowering the box onto his lap but keeping his hands tightly around it. He turned to look up to Cas.

"It's um... Just something that I've been thinking about. A lot, for years now. I don't know if it would ever actually work but... It's a dream, okay?" Dean licked his lips nervously. Opening the box felt like a huge step towards something, it almost felt like a step towards making his dream come true which was stupid, he was going to reveal his secret just for Castiel.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Castiel asked gently. Dean noticed how there was no pressure in his tone, even though Cas must've been extremely curious by that point, but he was still giving Dean the option to keep his secret to himself. That was the thing that made Dean lift the lid off and pull out some of the papers inside.

"I've printed a lot of stuff online, some legal stuff and things I should know before even starting," he explained quietly as he handed some of the papers to Castiel. He had highlighted the titles on top of the pages as well as the most important parts of the text. "I've cut some interesting stuff from papers, I have magazines..." He went through the box that was almost full. "It's basically a scrapbook in a shoebox," he chuckled when he finally dared to look at Castiel.

Cas was still going through the papers with an awed look on his face.

"Dean, this is amazing! I don't understand why you think this wouldn't work, you've obviously put so much thought into this already. You have everything here, Sam could help you with the legal aspects, and everything else you'd be able to do on your own." He looked at Dean with wide eyes. Dean relaxed, a pleasant warmth spreading inside of him.

"Do you really think so?" he let out a breath, his lips turning up into a smile. Castiel nodded.

"Absolutely! This would be a success, I'm sure of it. With everything planned this well, you could start working on this immediately. Well, on Monday since all the offices are closed for the weekend already," Cas chuckled, "but we could search online if there are any premises available."

Castiel's excitement cheered Dean up and he found himself smiling brightly at him. "Yeah. Yeah, let's do that," he nodded before standing up to get his laptop.

They searched several websites until they found an advertisement for an empty premise not far from Dean's place. It was in a good place on the main road. They both turned to look at each other after reading the ad.

"That's it, that's the perfect place for Winchester's bakery," Castiel smiled brightly. Dean nudged Cas's shoulder with his, a shy grin on his lips.

"It's not gonna be called _Winchester's bakery_ ," he mumbled, looking back to the laptop screen, looking at the pictures of the recently emancipated corner premises. It had used to be a home decor shop so Dean wasn't sure if the kitchen would be big enough, or if there even was a kitchen at all, but it was in the perfect spot on the busy main street. He had some savings, he could do some renovations on the place.

Apparently Cas was able to read his mind because he leaned in to whisper in his ear, "it's going to be perfect."

Dean turned his head to press their lips together.

"Thank you."

"I haven't done anything," Castiel chuckled.

"You've done so much more than you could ever imagine," Dean looked him deep in his eyes. He meant it. Before tonight his the idea of opening his own bakery had been just a dream that he thought would never come true. A dream that he liked to toy with, but that was it. He never actually thought he'd do it. But seeing how excited Castiel got about it, how sure he was that it would work, that it'd be a success, made Dean feel a lot more confident about it. Maybe it would work. Maybe he shouldn't push the shoebox back into the bottom drawer of his bookshelf, maybe he should keep it open on his desk and start working on making his dream come true.

He put his laptop on the floor so he could climb on top of Cas, straddle his legs. Cas's hands were immediately on his hips and Dean leaned in, kissing him deeply.

When Cas's lips moved to work on his neck Dean hummed in pleasure. "Are you staying the night?"

"You couldn't make me leave now."

                                        

The next morning they were trading sleepy kisses in the kitchen. Dean was leaning against the counter with his legs spread enough for Cas to stand between them, their chests pressed together.

"Mm, the coffee is getting cold," Dean whispered when Cas finally pulled away enough to let him speak.

"You taste better," Castiel stated before slipping his tongue back into Dean's mouth. Dean smiled against his lips and wrapped his arms around Cas's neck.

They were both still sleepy after waking up less than half an hour ago, they weren't even trying to make this go any further than kissing, they had gone a lot further a couple of times the night before. It was nice to just kiss lazily, surrounded by the warmth of each other's bodies, knowing that they wouldn't need to go anywhere if they didn't want to, they could stay just like this for the whole day.

The loud ringing of Dean's phone broke the beautiful spell, making Cas pull away with a groan.

"I'm gonna kill them, no matter who that is," Dean groaned as he straightened up.

"Only if I don't get to them first."

Dean checked the screen. "It's Sam."

"Answer it, I'll reheat our coffee," Cas nodded.

Cas put their mugs in the micro while Dean talked to his brother.

"Wait, I'll ask Cas. Of course he's here. Shut up or the answer is no!" Cas turned to look at him just as Dean pressed his hand over the phone so that his brother wouldn't hear them.

"He asks if they can come over now. Like right now, all of them. Including the dog."

"Yeah, sure," Cas nodded with a smile.

Dean finished the call quickly. They drank their coffee and barely managed to put some actual clothes on before the doorbell rang. Dean was already walking towards the door when Cas suddenly grabbed his arm. When he turned to look at him Cas was looking a little nervous.

"I haven't seen Sam in a decade. What does he think about... this? Us?" His voice was quiet, his eyes darting from Dean to the door where the bell was ringing again.

Dean turned to face him, took his hand and pressed a gentle kiss on his forehead.

"Don't worry, he's been dying to see you again. And he kind of kept pushing me to make a move on you so," Dean shrugged. A small smile appeared on Cas's lips and he nodded.

"I've been wanting to see him, too."

When Dean opened the door he was immediately nearly pushed down by the over excited Golden Retriever that jumped against him.

"Hey, whoa! Down girl, my last night's lay is still here," Dean stage whispered to the dog, loud enough for everyone to hear it. Sam made a disgusted face while Cas pressed a hand over his eyes and shook his head. Jess was the only one not affected by Dean's joke, instead, she walked straight up to Cas.

"Wow, no wonder Dean won't stop talking about you!" she looked him up and down, then turned to look at Dean, "he's hot!" she pointed at Cas.

"Hey!" Sam yelled at the same time as Dean winked at Cas and told Jess he knew. She just shrugged at Sam before turning back to Cas.

"It's so nice to finally meet you. I heard you work with kids too?" She asked while pulling her jacket off. Sam was immediately there to take it.

"Yes, I'm a preschool teacher. Do you work with children?" Castiel asked, a polite smile on his lips.

"I'm a nurse at the children's hospital," Jess announced proudly.

The brothers watched as the two talked about their work, both obviously excited about finding a topic so close to both of them.

Dean leaned closer to his brother so the others wouldn't hear him, "they are so gonna gang up against us."

"They definitely are. We're so screwed," Sam chuckled as he watched his wife leading Cas into the kitchen.

A moment later Sam finally managed to get a moment to greet his old friend who he hadn't seen in ages, and he did it by wrapping Cas into a crushing hug.

Dean made more coffee for all of them while the rest of the group sat down to chat. He watched the big smiles on all of their faces, listened to Sam excitedly telling Cas about everything that had happened in the past ten years in his life, to Jess asking a million questions about Cas and his work, to Castiel taking his turn asking about their life. They all looked so happy, it was obvious both Sam and Jess adored Cas. Dean felt unbelievably happy while watching the three of them, his gaze locked on his almost-a-boyfriend.

"I can smell the coffee but I don't seem to have a cup in my hand," Sam pointed out eventually, snapping Dean out of his thoughts.

"Geez, give me a second, princess," Dean rolled his eyes, turning around to pick four mugs from the cabinet next to his head.

When he set the steaming mugs on the table and sat down everyone's attention seemed to turn on him.

"How are _you_ doing, Dean?" Jess asked, taking a sip of her coffee. She made a face and got up, muttering _"needs milk"_ on her way to the fridge.

"Same old, same old," Dean shrugged. He could see Cas turning towards him. When he looked at him, Cas pointedly lifted his eyebrow at him.

"What was that?" Sam asked, pointing between the two of them. Dean glanced at him, then back to Cas who nodded. Jess returned to her seat.

"Well uh... I've been thinking about opening a bakery. Like, starting my own business," Dean admitted quietly.

"Yes! I support this idea!" Jess yelled immediately, making Cas jump on his seat. "We'd get a family discount, right?" She pointed at herself and Sam.

"Nah, you'd have to pay double for everything." Dean teased.

"Babe, do you know any great bakeries in this town? We should shop there daily, recommend it to all our friends," Jess turned to talk to her husband. Cas chuckled but Dean rolled his eyes.

"No, seriously, what do you guys think?" He asked. He tried to sound casual but he was sure Cas noticed the nervousness in his voice.

"I think it's a great idea!" Sam smiled brightly. Jess nodded next to him.

"I agree. I love everything you bake and I'm sure everyone else would too, it'd be a success."

"That's what I said, too," Cas smiled at her.

"Should I... Should I really do this?" Dean asked. They all nodded, telling him over and over again how great the idea was, how he could totally do it.

He smiled into his coffee cup as he took a sip. He had thought his dream was stupid, that if he ever told about it to anyone they'd laugh at his face and tell him he could never make it. He was surprised by the support he was getting from the three most important people in his life, but damn if it felt good.

He looked up at his brother sitting on the other side of the table. "Will you help me with all the legal stuff?"

"Of course, you don't even have to ask!" Sam beamed at him.

Dean felt a hand squeezing his thigh. When he turned to look at his side Cas was smiling sweetly at him, his hand still on his leg.

"You're going to open a bakery," Cas whispered gently. He looked so happy and excited about it that Dean had to lean in to kiss him. Cas kissed him back quickly before they pulled back a little, smiling gently at each other.

"Aawh, you guys are so cute!" Jess sighed. Dean had almost forgotten they were there too. He straightened back up and turned to look at them, a slight blush on his cheeks. Sam was trying so hard to make a disgusted face but Dean could still see the hints of a smile tugging on his lips.

Dean cleared his throat as he stood up. "I have some stuff I've collected over the years, kinda like a _how-to-start-a-business for dummies_ in a shoebox," he started, but Cas piped in before he managed to finish his sentence.

"He's got everything ready, from all the legal documents to color charts for the interior design, it's all there," he told Sam, sounding proud. Dean looked down at him before looking back at Sam.

"Could you have a look at it?"

Sam nodded eagerly as he pushed his chair back and got up.

The brothers went through the box together. Sam kept praising Dean for how well prepared he was, telling him that he got basically everything he could have at this point in that box, and since Dean obviously knew what he was about to do it would make the process a lot easier and faster. Dean tried to not to grin all through the conversation at his brother's praise.

Both Sam and Jess told him once again how excited, proud and all that they were about Dean's plan before they left.

"You need to stop talking yourself down," Cas whispered gently as he slowly wrapped his arms around Dean's waist. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas's neck.

"Old habits die hard, I guess," he shrugged.

"You are amazing," Cas pressed a kiss on his cheek, "smart," another a little lower, "prepared," a kiss on the corner of his mouth, "an amazing baker," on the top of his nose, "and I'm a little mad that you haven't baked anything for me in ages."

Dean chuckled when Cas didn't press any kisses on his face after the last part. "What do you want?" he grinned.

"Something chocolaty. The more chocolate you can fit into it the better."

"How about I just melt some chocolate for you?" Dean chuckled again, earning a gentle slap on his shoulder and a whiny "nooo!" from Cas. "You could eat it off of my naked body," Dean added with a saucy wink, making Cas blink once.

"Yeah, that sounds perfect!" Cas announced loudly as he pulled away, pushing Dean back towards the kitchen. Dean laughed loudly, throwing his head back.

"I'm not actually sure if I have any chocolate in this house at the moment," he said as he opened the cabinet. Cas pressed himself against his back, pressing Dean against the counter as he did so. He leaned in, whispering in his ear with a husky voice.

"Well, then I guess I'll just have to eat you instead," his hands took a tight grip of Dean's ass, his hips pushing him even harder against the counter.

"Oh, fuck..." Dean breathed out. Cas undid the button and zipper of Dean's jeans, pulling them down as he dropped to his knees behind him.

At the first gentle nibbles against his ass cheek, Dean smiled to himself. This was going to be a great day. 

                                                

The following Monday Dean woke up alone. Cas had stayed another night but he'd had to leave early on Sunday morning to prepare another full week of teaching and activities for the kids. Dean preferred to wake up next to Castiel, the bed felt so empty and cold without him. He got up quickly and headed to the bathroom. At least the shower would warm him up.

His day at work wasn't any better than any other had been since the word about his divorce and his new partner had reached everyone's ears. Dean was thankful for the couple of people who had given him their support when no one else had seen them talking to Dean. Those people still nodded at him with a smile when they passed each other in the lobby. Those small friendly gestures were the only reason why Dean hadn't torn the whole place down yet, those couple of people kept him sane daily from eight to five, even though Dean barely knew their names.

When he got home there was a big envelope waiting for him in his mailbox. After reading the sender's address printed on the top left corner of it, he tore it open right there in the lobby, pulling out a paper.

He forgot how to breathe for a moment after reading the few first lines.

He was divorced.

It was official.

They were officially divorced.

Dean let out a deep breath. His gaze jumped around the small lobby where everyone's mailboxes were as he tried to read his own feelings.

There was a light feeling of it being over, but at the same time, he felt bad for that. Lisa had been a great wife, a great friend, he shouldn't feel like he was now free. Slowly a strong feeling of happiness filled his soul when he realized what this meant.

He and Castiel could finally, actually start dating.

The only reason why Cas wasn't comfortable calling them boyfriends was because Dean was still married, if only on paper, but it was still too much for Cas, he didn't want to date a married man.

But Dean wasn't married anymore, the piece of paper he was holding in his shaking hands proved that he was now single.

He needed to plan something, he decided with determination as he rushed up the stairs to the third floor.

                                            

He decided not to text or call Castiel to let him know, he wanted it to be a surprise for later when they were both in the same room. Alone.

It was so hard not to tell him when they went out for lunch together on Tuesday, or on Wednesday when they went through the steps of starting a business with Sam. They didn't have time to see each other on Thursday so Dean texted him, asking him to come spend the weekend with him.

Castiel promised to come.

Dean left work half an hour early on Friday because if he was being honest, he didn't really care about his job that much.

He had signed a pile of legal documents just a couple of days earlier, he had contacted the owner of the premises and made an offer on it. It was all looking good so far, Sam was working on his papers, handling all that work for him. All Dean had to do was to wait for what the shop's current owner decided to do with his offer, but as soon as Dean had made his offer the guy had basically said the place was Dean's.

He bought flowers on his way home, a lot of flowers.

When he got home he started baking. Something chocolaty, just as Cas liked it. He decided to bake a two layer chocolate cake that had three different kinds of chocolate in it, filled with chocolate mousse between the layers, and chocolate frosting. Cas would love it.

He took a quick shower, put on the nicest casual clothes he found in his closet and spent a good time doing his hair. Just as he was washing the excessive hair product off his hands the doorbell rang. He dried his hands, took a couple of deep, calming breaths and walked to the door.

Cas's smile dropped when he looked him up and down, his eyes wide. For a second Dean feared that he had forgotten to put pants on but he didn't dare to look down on himself.

Finally, Cas looked back up to his eyes, a smirk on his lips.

"You look fucking amazing. What's the occasion? I thought we were just gonna hang out here," Cas asked, pushing himself in. Dean pressed a quick kiss on his lips as Cas passed him.

"We are," he grinned, closing the door. Cas turned to look at him, squinting at him suspiciously.

"What's going on?"

Dean chuckled, taking a step closer to him. "Nothing, can't I just try to look good for you?"

Cas still stared at him like he was waiting for Dean to tell him what he was hiding but he didn't say anything. Finally Cas shrugged and turned towards the kitchen.

"Do you mind if I make coffee?" He asked on his way. Dean rushed after him.

"I actually made you something. Coffee goes great with it."

Dean pulled the cake out of the fridge where he had put it to make all the chocolate set. Cas's eyes widened when he saw it.

"Seriously, what's going on?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Calm down. Let's just eat the cake and drink some coffee now. If there's something going on I promise you'll find out soon. Okay? That good enough for you?" he grinned.

"Okay, okay. I'll get the plates," Cas moved towards the cabinets but Dean stopped him.

"I'll get them, just sit down," he smiled sweetly. Cas gave him a look but sat down anyway, watching as Dean made them coffee, cut big slices of cake for both of them and put everything on the table.

After pouring coffee for both of them he sat down next to Cas, pushing his plate closer to him.

"Try it."

He watched as Cas took a small forkful. His mouth had barely closed around the fork when his eyes slipped shut, a deep moan rising from his throat. He chewed slowly, savoring the chocolaty treat before he finally swallowed.

"This is absolutely delicious!"

Dean grinned at him, trying a small bite himself. Cas was right, it was good, really good. He took a small piece on his fork, holding it up for Cas. Cas looked at him from under his lashes as he slowly wrapped his lips around the fork, pulling the offered treat into his mouth. He closed his eyes again and licked his lips, another moan making Dean breathless.

"Why is that so fucking hot?" Dean breathed out, mostly to himself. Cas opened his eyes and winked at him, swallowing slowly.

"Because I am," Cas answered with a grin, making Dean chuckle.

"Can't argue with that," he agreed before leaning in for a slow, deep kiss.

They finished their slices of cake, feeding bites to each other. Their coffees got cold before they managed to finish eating but neither of them cared.

Dean took the plates to the sink. He stopped in front of the kitchen door, nervously rubbing his hands together.

"Uh, should we move into the living room?"

He was already getting nervous, he didn't even know why. They had been _basically_ dating for weeks now, they had had sex many times during that time and there was no doubt in his head that Cas would say yes to his question. It wasn't like he was going to propose, he just wanted to make their relationship official.

Cas followed him into the other room and Dean asked him to sit down on the couch before sitting down next to him.

"I have something for you. I mean, I have something to show you, it's not like it's actually for you but I want you to see it and-"

"Dean, breathe," Cas interrupted his babbling, chuckling.

"Yeah, right. Okay," he took the paper from the coffee table. He had folded it in half so that Cas couldn't read it yet. He handed it to Cas, gesturing for him to open it. Cas looked at him as he slowly unfolded it, then let his eyes drop to the paper.

"It's official?" Cas asked quietly, keeping his eyes on the paper.

"Yeah," Dean breathed out, "Cas, I wanted to-- Fuck! I forgot one thing! Don't move!" he jumped up, rushing towards his bedroom, leaving Castiel staring after him with wide eyes.

Dean came back, hiding the flowers behind his back. He stopped in front of Cas. He almost dropped to one knee before his brain reminded him that he wasn't proposing, so instead he sat back down on the couch.

"Castiel, will you be my boyfriend? Officially?" Dean held the flowers out for him.

Cas looked at the flowers with wide eyes, then up to Dean. His mouth was hanging open just a bit, the silence between them stretching so long that doubt crept up inside of Dean, bringing fear with it. He swallowed hard, waiting for Cas's answer.

"Why does this feel like you were proposing to me?" Cas asked, looking at Dean skeptically.

"I'm not, I swear I'm not. I just want us to be together, officially," Dean tried to chuckle but it came out as an awkward little laugh. "Just boyfriends."

Castiel looked at him for another thirty seconds without saying a word. Dean felt a rope tightening around his chest, he had been so sure Cas would jump into his arms screaming 'yes yes yes' as soon as he'd ask but now he thought he had been wrong.

Cas blinked at him. "Yes," he whispered so quietly Dean barely heard him.

"What?"

"Yes. I said yes. I'll be your boyfriend. Yes, I want to make this official," Cas breathed out, a smile forming on his lips.

Dean felt the rope disappearing from around his chest, all weight dropping from his shoulders as he let out a breath that relaxed his whole body.

"You scared the shit out of me with all that quiet staring, Jesus fucking Christ, Cas!" He laughed, shaking his head. Cas laughed too, taking the flowers from him.

"I'm sorry, you got me by surprise and I completely froze there for a moment. Fuck, we can finally be together, actually be together. I didn't..." Cas swallowed, looking down to the flowers.

The change in his mood made Dean nervous. "You didn't what?" he reached his hand to Cas's cheek, making him look up again.

"When you left me all those years ago I thought I had lost you forever. For the past ten years, I've wanted you back but I didn't think it would actually ever happen," Cas admitted quietly, tears making his eyes shine.

"Oh, Cas..." Dean pulled him tight against his chest, feeling his weak sobs against his shoulder. "I love you, Castiel. I've loved you since we first met in that biology class, I've loved you all through these years and I don't think I've ever loved you more than I do today."

He was finally able to say what he had wanted to say for weeks now, what he hadn't dared to say in the fear it would scare Castiel away. Now it felt right to say it, he knew Cas wouldn't be scared to hear those words anymore.

Cas's grip on his shoulders tightened, his sobs getting deeper.

"I love you, too. Oh god, I love you so much. Please don't ever leave me again," Castiel's voice was quiet, his breathing quick from the crying.

"I won't, I won't."

Cas slowly lifted his head from Dean's shoulder, looking up at him. Dean wiped a tear from his cheek.

"Kiss me," Cas whispered.

Dean pressed their lips together gently. Cas straightened up to get a better angle, deepening the kiss.

They kissed for a long time, their lips moving together slowly, tongues slipping against each other's, teeth biting down on lower lips. Dean pulled Cas even closer, his other hand wrapping around his waist, the other one dropping to his hip.

Cas pulled away, breathing in and out once before opening his eyes.

"Dean, I want you to..." he seemed a little shy suddenly. Dean gently rubbed his lower back, waiting for him to continue. Cas glanced down to his lips. "I want you to fuck me," he whispered.

Dean pulled him back into a kiss, making it deeper, needier this time. He pressed him down on the couch gently so he could lay on top of him.

"I wanna make you feel good," he whispered against Cas's lips, "I wanna take care of you," he ground down against Cas's hips, making him moan.

"Dean..."

"I want to give you everything you could ever need and more. I love you so fucking much, Cas."

"Dean..." Cas moaned again, reaching his hand behind Dean's neck, pulling him down into another kiss.

Just as Cas's hands started to roam his body Dean pulled away and stood up. He held his hand out for Cas to take. "Come," he smiled gently.

Cas was breathing heavily when he allowed Dean to pull him up. Dean kissed him once before leading him into the bedroom.

Dean stripped him out of all of his clothes before gently laying him down on the bed. He enjoyed the way Cas's gaze raked over his body as he pulled off his own clothes, standing next to the bed. Cas opened his arms for him when he crawled on top of him.

They kissed for the longest time, their hands traveling around each other's bodies.

Finally Dean moved his lips down Cas's jaw, his neck, slowly moving further down. Cas was breathing quickly but quietly, his body squirming under Dean's when a warm mouth covered his nipple, a wet tongue flicking it quickly.

Dean kissed all the way down to his hips. When Cas' erection was right in front of him he wanted to take it into his mouth, take his time with it and make Cas come just like that. But he didn't, he had other plans for tonight. Instead, he gave a quick, playful kiss on the head before kissing around it, moving down a little bit more.

He pushed Cas's legs wide open, supporting them up to get himself a perfect access to his waiting hole.

Cas whined when he teased him, kissing and nibbling on his cheeks, licking around his entrance but never going too close to it.

"Dean..."

The pleading tone in his lover's voice was enough to make Dean give in. He swiped his tongue over Cas's hole once, relishing in the way Cas's whole body jumped in pleasure, a sound, something between a moan and a gasp falling from his lips.

With the first taste of Cas, he was lost. He licked over his hole again and again, swirling over it, gently poking in as much as the tight muscle allowed him to.

Castiel was already writhing above him, panting, whining Dean's name and 'more, more'.

All of it was just too good for Dean. The way Cas's body moved, the noises coming from his mouth, the way his hands couldn't decide whether to grip the sheets or twist in Dean's hair. Seeing how much Cas enjoyed this, how far gone he was just from having Dean's mouth on him turned him on like nothing else.

He could keep doing this forever.

Cas's hole was finally open enough for Dean to push his tongue deep inside, lick around his walls and thrust in and out of him. If Cas had been squirming a lot before, it had nothing on his current state. His back was arching up and to the sides, his legs twitching on either side of Dean's head, his hands the only thing keeping him in place; gripping the sheets so hard his knuckles had gone white. He was screaming in pleasure, his head thrown back. He looked like he was seconds from coming, so Dean slipped one finger into him, quickly finding his prostate.

Two hard rubs against it was all it took; Cas's whole body arched up as he came, screaming something that sounded a lot like Dean's name.

Dean kept licking him all through it, keeping his finger in there too, enjoying the way Cas's hole squeezed around it.

Finally his body slumped back down to the bed. He was breathing hard, his eyes still closed. Dean pulled his finger out, lifting his head up.

"You okay there?" he couldn't quite hide the smug tone from his voice.

"Fuck me," Cas breathed out.

"You mean literally or...?"

"Literally. Here," Cas lifted himself up enough to get the lube from the bedside table, tossing it to Dean before falling back down on the bed, "you know what to do with that," he swirled his hand, still getting down from his high.

Dean chuckled, "yes, sir." He covered his fingers with the creamy lube, warming it up in his hands before pressing two fingers into Cas. They slipped in easily, making Cas sigh happily.

Cas was so relaxed from his first orgasm that it didn't take long until Dean was able to push the third, and soon the fourth finger inside.

"I'm ready, get in me," came the command from above.

With a smile on his lips, Dean pressed a gentle kiss on the inside of Cas's thigh as he pulled his fingers out. Cas handed him a condom, and after rolling it on Dean added more lube, moving up until they were face to face.

"You wanna do it like this?" he asked, looking at the bright blue eyes staring up at him. Cas nodded.

"Still too tired to move," he chuckled. Dean grinned down at him, taking a hold of his own cock, guiding himself to Cas's open, waiting hole and gently pushed in.

Cas's arms were around his neck before he was even fully inside.

"Feels so good," Cas moaned quietly, his head tilted back, eyes closed.

Dean started slowly with shallow thrusts. He kissed all over the side of Cas's neck, this time moving up towards his mouth. Cas turned his head to press their lips together, immediately slipping his tongue into Dean's mouth.

They kissed deeply while Dean kept pushing in and out of Cas's body, pushing as deep inside as he could on each thrust.

Finally Cas broke the kiss, panting as he looked up at him.

"Harder."

Dean grinned, pressing their lips together one last time before straightening up. He sat on his knees and pulled Cas's ass into his lap, starting to fuck into him faster.

"Oh, Dean! Just like that, don't stop!"

Cas gripped the sheets next to his head, holding on as Dean fucked him deeper and harder.

"Fuck, you're so perfect, Cas. So fucking perfect like this," Dean groaned.

Cas let go of the sheets to wrap a hand around his own cock that had gotten hard again when Dean had first pushed into him.

"Ride me," Dean panted as he pulled out, dropping Cas's ass from his lap and laying down next to him. Cas was on top of him in a blink, sinking down on his cock.

"Touch me," he whined as he pressed his hands on Dean's chest for leverage, moving his hips quickly up and down.

Dean wrapped his hand around Cas's cock, trying to stroke him in the rhythm of Cas's hips.

"Does that feel good, angel?"

At first, all the answer Dean got was a long moan. "Yes, oh god yes. You feel so good, Dean I'm gonna--" Cas's breath caught in his throat when he came for the second time that night, his cum splashing all the way up to Dean's chest.

Right after he came his legs started to shake with the strength of it and he fell forward over Dean's body.

Dean wrapped his arms around his back, thrusting in quickly.

"I'm so close," Dean whispered, almost out of breath. Cas kept moaning and shaking in his arms until finally, after a minute or so Dean came too, deep inside of him.

They laid there, Cas still on top of him as their heartbeats slowly calmed down to a normal level. Cas lifted his head, pressing his chin on Dean's chest.

"Hi," Dean smiled down at him.

"Hello."

"Shower?"

"Yes, definitely. You might have to support me a little, I'm not sure if my legs work yet," Castiel smiled. He pushed himself up and off of Dean, flopping down next to him.

"Come on, the quicker we shower the sooner you get to go to sleep," Dean smiled as he got up, holding out a hand for Cas to take.

"I'm not tired," Castiel rubbed his eyes.

"You are like 12% asleep already. Come on, we need to at least wash all that cum off of you, then you can sleep."

Cas got up reluctantly, letting Dean walk him into the bathroom.

Dean washed them both up before wrapping Cas into a big warm towel.

"Do you need anything else? Water? Underwear? Socks?" Dean asked as he watched Cas crawl into the bed.

"Just you," came a mumbled answer from under the covers. Dean chuckled, shaking his head.

"You gonna sleep naked?"

"Yes."

"Okay then, don't complain to me if you get cold during the night," Dean smiled as he toweled his hair dry.

"It's my boyfriend's job to keep me warm."

It took a second for Dean to realize Cas meant him. His boyfriend. Because they were boyfriends now.

With a huge grin on his lips, Dean dropped the towel and slipped under the covers, pulling his boyfriend tightly against his chest.


	13. The new beginning

Dean, Cas, and Sam went to see the premises on sale on a sunny Tuesday. Jess had wanted to come too but she was stuck at work, so she'd have to settle for the pictures Sam promised to take.

The place was perfect. Well, almost perfect. The kitchen was a lot bigger than Dean had feared it'd be, there was only one oven but enough room to install two or even three more. The front of the shop needed some paint, a display counter, small tables and other little things that a bakery would need, but all in all the place was perfect.

"I want this place," Dean whispered to Cas while Sam spoke legalese with the owner.

"Is it everything you ever dreamed about?" Cas smirked at him, making Dean roll his eyes.

"Shut up. Yeah, it is. Needs paint and more ovens but it's pretty near perfection." Dean smiled dreamily. Cas leaned in to press a quick kiss on his cheek.

"I like it too. I love the big windows at the front, they let a lot of natural light inside," Cas looked around the shop, then leaned closer to him, "this is going to be a success."

"You keep saying that," Dean tried to fake annoyance but the blush on his cheeks gave away his real feelings.

"Because I truly think so. This is going to work," Cas took his hand, smiling up at him.

Dean was quiet for a second, looking at his boyfriend. "I love you so freaking much," he finally breathed out, making the smile on Cas's face grow even wider.

"I love you, too."

Right at that moment Sam and the current owner of the place walked up to them.

"So, you sure you want to buy this place, son?" The older man asked.

Dean nodded, not letting go of Castiel's hand.

"Yes, it's exactly what I've been looking for."

"What do you say then, shall we sign the papers?" The man was grinning at him. Dean looked at his brother who was standing slightly behind the man, nodding at him. He turned to look at Cas who also gave him a small nod with a smile still on his lips.

Dean looked at the man again. "Let's do this."

                                                 

Later that day when Jess got home from work they popped a bottle of champagne.

"To Dean and his new bakery!" Sam announced loudly, holding up his glass.

"To Dean!" Cas and Jess parroted just as loudly before they all tilted their glasses back, emptying them in one go.

"Damn that's good," Dean licked his lips, looking at his empty glass.

"There is more, especially for you," Sam smiled.

Dean looked up at all three of them, a realization settling inside of him.

"I'm gonna be a business owner," he said quietly. After a second his face lit up with a huge smile, "I'm gonna be a business owner!"

They finished the bottle in no time.

                                                

The next couple of weeks Dean spent his every free moment working on turning the place into the most beautiful bakery anyone had ever seen. Cas was there with him most of the time, helping him out with everything. Whenever Sam wasn't doing the paperwork for Dean he was there too, lending his muscle power. Jess did a big part of the paintwork on the shop side while the guys installed the three new ovens into the kitchen.

It was all coming together quickly as their own little group project. It wouldn't take much longer until Dean would be able to put an 'open' sign on the door.

When he wasn't at the bakery he was either sleeping or at the office.

The atmosphere at work hadn't changed in any way. Most people still didn't talk to him, his boss was still making his life as hard as he could and Dean was getting so done with all of it.

"Dean? Get in here!" His boss yelled from the doorway to his office. With a groan Dean pushed himself up from his desk and walked into the room, closing the door behind him.

Before he could say anything his boss was already talking.

"The numbers have been going down," his voice was accusing. Great, here we go.

"And let me guess, it's all because of me?" Dean cocked an eyebrow.

"Well, the way I see it this all comes back to you," Lisa's father crossed his arms over his chest.

"Of course it does," Dean retorted sarcastically.

"Are you trying to sass me, Winchester? Because let me tell you, you have no room for that kind of behavior, one wrong-"

"Yeah yeah, one wrong move and you'll fire my ass, blah blah blah." Dean rolled his eyes. His boss looked shocked, Dean had never really talked back to him like this. "The thing is, _sir_ , that you can't fire me if I quit first."

"What!" The guy's jaw dropped.

"You heard me, I quit. I'm done with your bullshit, I'm done with every homophobic idiot working in this building, I don't need this shit anymore. I'm sorry for breaking your daughter's heart, I really am, but I don't need to tolerate this kind of treatment anymore. I'm done." Dean finished off strongly, with no sign of fear or doubt in neither his voice nor his posture.

After a moment his boss scoffed. "You quit? Who do you think is going to hire you? You are nothing, I would've never hired you if you weren't married to my daughter. If you quit your job here you can prepare for a life on the streets."

"I don't need anyone to hire me," Dean informed proudly, enjoying the surprised look on his boss's face. He wasn't going to elaborate, though.

"Have you gone crazy?"

"No, I think I've finally come to my senses. Now, I don't think either of us mind if I just take my stuff and leave, and we'll just forget about my two week notice period. Right?" Dean grinned. Oh, he was enjoying this.

"If you walk out of here you can never come back," his boss growled.

"I'm taking that as a yes. Good luck finding someone to replace me," Dean smiled too sweetly, turning on his heel and walking right out of the office, straight to his own desk.

He didn't have much. He stuffed the few things he had brought from home into his suitcase, dropped his work cell to the desk and logged out of his work email. He made a quick trip to the human resources to let them know he wouldn't be coming back and that they could mail him all the paperwork he needed to sign.

As he was walking towards the elevators a group of the meanest guys at the office were standing in the lobby. They stopped talking when they saw him. Dean knew it was stupid, kind of childish but he couldn't help himself.

"See you never, fuckers. I'm gonna go suck my boyfriend's dick, and hopefully I'll never see any of your ugly faces again!" he hollered at them right at the moment the elevator doors pinged open in front of him. He greeted them nicely with a middle finger and a huge shit eating grin as he stepped inside, their shocked gasps the last thing he heard before the doors closed.

He laughed all the way to the first floor.

                                                   

When Cas got home at two in the afternoon Dean was already waiting for him outside his door. He looked up when he heard Cas's footsteps getting closer.

"Dude, you should give me a key already, the floor felt cold against my delicate ass," Dean grinned as he pushed himself up.

"What are you doing here at this time of the day?" Cas looked confused.

"I quit," Dean announced proudly.

"What?"

"I quit."

"Why?" Cas was still standing in front of him, not even trying to move past him to open the door. Dean stepped to the side, wordlessly gesturing him to let them inside.

"Because why not? You know how horrible it has been at work for a long time now, the bakery is almost ready for the grand opening and I have enough savings to keep me alive for a long time. And now that I have even more time to use on the place it'll take even less time until I can open." Dean smiled brightly.

Cas finally opened the door, letting Dean step in first.

"That's true, but why today? Did something happen?" Cas looked worried.

"Nah, just the same bullshit. I don't know, while my boss was trying to make everything my fault I just thought about my current situation and I realized I didn't need to put up with any of that anymore. So I told him that and left." Dean shrugged, then remembered something, "Oh. I also told a couple of co-workers something," he smirked, swaying closer to Cas.

Cas furrowed his brow to the sudden change in his behavior. "What?"

"I told them I'd go home to suck my boyfriend's dick, and I don't like lying to people," he put his hands on Cas's hips, guiding him back towards the couch.

"You are insatiable," Cas chuckled as the back of his knees hit the edge of the couch, making him fall down on it.

Dean dropped to his knees in front of him and started to work his pants open. "You love it."

"Can't argue with that," Cas grinned.

He definitely didn't argue when ten minutes later Dean swallowed his load.

                                                               

Dean sent fancy invitations to the grand opening of the bakery to all the local newspapers, radio stations, and even a couple TV news channels, as well as to all his friends and family.

The party would be in a week on a Wednesday evening.

The place was looking amazing, they had gotten everything ready faster than Dean had imagined they would and now he was barely able to stay still, waiting for the day he'd finally be able to officially open his own business.

                                                               

Dean and Cas were standing outside the bakery, watching as two men hang up the sign above the door. Sam stopped next to his brother, looking up at the sign.

" _'Dean's buns'_? Are you serious?" Sam asked, turning to look at him like he was the stupidest person on the planet.

"What? It's hilarious," Dean laughed.

"I agree, besides, Dean's buns _are_ delicious. Trust me, I know." Cas deadpanned, not even turning to look away from the sign. He did high-five Dean though when he raised his hand with a low _'nice one, babe'_ while Sam pretended to throw up on the sidewalk.

Sam and Castiel moved inside soon after but Dean wanted to watch the sign being put up. It was big, bold, and the letters lighted up. No one would be able to miss it. He knew the name was kind of silly but come on, it was fucking hilarious.

The guys who had put the sign up left, but Dean stayed on the sidewalk, staring at the bakery. His bakery.

The opening party would be in just a couple of days, everything was ready. In the invitations, he had promised free pastries for everyone and he trusted that would bring a lot of people in.

Now all he had to do was wait.

And bake.

Taking one final look at the sign, at the windows decorated with the bakery's logo he breathed in, held it and released it slowly before walking back inside to join the others.

"Are you nervous?" Sam asked when he found them in the kitchen, reading through the party menu.

"Nah, excited. What do you think about that?" Dean pointed to the paper Cas was holding.

"It's great, it has a little something for everyone and most of them seems to be bite sized treats which will work the best in an event like that," Sam smiled at him.

"Yeah, I've had some time to think about what to serve there," Dean chuckled.

"How long?" Cas joined the conversation.

"Years."

Sam and Cas shared a knowing look.

"Stop that!" Dean swatted Sam's arm.

"Ow! Dude, we are just happy that your secret dream is finally coming true. I'm proud of you, man," Sam straightened up from where he had been leaning his elbows on the counter.

"Yeah, thanks," Dean cleared his throat, looking down to his shoes. "It's getting late, we should go."

"You're right. Would you like to spend the night at my place?" Castiel asked, walking up to him and taking his hand.

"Yeah," Dean breathed out. Castiel smiled and kissed his cheek.

Dean was the last one to walk out of the door. He checked it was locked three times before rushing to his car.

A couple more days.

                                                              

The morning of the grand opening Dean was at the bakery bright and early. He had a lot to bake and since he was starting the business, he had to do it all by himself.

He baked for nine hours straight, only taking a quick break to eat the sandwiches Cas had packed for him in the morning, then going straight back to baking.

After everything was done he rushed to Cas's place, which was closer to the bakery, to take a quick shower.

They were back at the bakery at 5.30 PM. The event was supposed to start at seven.

Dean paced around the kitchen, checking that he had really baked everything written on the menu, making sure the front of the shop was clean, that everything was in its place.

Castiel stopped him by stepping in front of him and pressing his hands on his shoulders.

"Dean, calm down. Everything is perfect, you have checked it four times since we got here. Take a deep breath, relax and sit down. The guests are arriving soon." Cas squeezed his shoulders, looking deep into his eyes.

"Yeah, okay," Dean nodded several times. He shook his whole body and let out a long breath. "It's gonna go fine, it's gonna go fine."

"It's going to go better than fine," Castiel corrected his mumblings.

"How do I look?" Dean asked, standing straight, shoulders pulled back.

He was wearing a white button up, a black tie and suit pants. Over them, he had a black apron tied around his hips. On his chest, he had a nametag with the bakery logo and _'manager Dean'_ written on it with golden cursive letters.

"Good enough to eat," Cas winked, making Dean blush.

His family was the first to arrive. Sam and Jess had picked Mary up on their way there. They all came to hug him, congratulating him over and over again. Mary even gave him flowers.

"So, dad isn't coming?" Dean asked casually as he accepted the flowers. He hadn't been expecting him to come, they hadn't talked since Dean had punched him in the face, but somewhere deep inside of him a small flicker of hope had made him think that maybe he'd come. After all, this was a huge step for his son, Dean was opening his own business.

Mary smiled sadly, shrugging her shoulders in an apologetic manner.

Dean swallowed down the sudden lump in his throat, looking down to the flowers.

"Yeah, didn't think so. Cas? Could you put these in water, please?" he turned to look over his shoulder to where his boyfriend was talking with Jess.

Castiel walked up to them with a smile. "Nice to meet you again, Mrs. Winchester," he smiled, offering his hand for her to shake before accepting the flowers from Dean, carrying them to the back.

A couple of minutes later he returned with a vase in his hands, the flowers beautifully arranged in it. He put it down on the front desk, smiling up at Dean.

Press guests started to drop in before seven o'clock, immediately pulling Dean in to answer their questions.

He could see Castiel from the corner of his eye. Cas was smiling proudly at him as Dean talked to the reporters about himself, his dream and making it into reality. Seeing him there calmed his nerves and he was able to relax.

By seven the place was packed, it seemed like everyone who had gotten an invite had arrived. Dean hadn't expected that, he'd thought that just a handful of people would show up. Everyone seemed to be having a great time enjoying the free drinks and pastries.

"Dean, it's time for your speech," Castiel came to whisper to him. Dean checked the time on his watch before nodding. Cas smiled at him and slapped his butt playfully for good luck as Dean walked past him to the front of the room.

When he welcomed everyone to the grand opening of 'Dean's buns' it earned him a few giggles from the guests. Dean smiled to himself; Sam could suck it, the name was hilarious. He talked about how he got there, how he had dreamed about this moment for years now. He told them about his plans for the bakery, what more he wanted to accomplish.

"Once more; welcome, enjoy the evening and thank you for coming." He finished his speech. As he took a bow he spotted a familiar face in the crowd next to his mother.

Dean shook hands with a couple of guests on his way to them but finally reached the women standing close to the windows.

"Lisa, I wasn't sure if you'd come," Dean smiled at her. Mary excused herself, Dean guessed she didn't want to be part of a possibly awkward conversation.

"I wasn't sure at first either, but this is a huge moment for you so of course I came," she smiled, pulling him into a hug. "So, this is what you were hiding in that drawer, isn't it?" She asked after letting go of him.

"Told you it wasn't weird porn," he chuckled.

Lisa looked around the room. "Is that him? Dark hair, high cheekbones, jawline sharp enough to cut glass?" She nodded her head towards the other end of the room. Dean followed her gaze and saw Cas talking to some guests.

"Yeah, that's Castiel," he tried so hard not to look too smug but couldn't force down the affectionate smile on his lips.

"He's gorgeous," Lisa grinned, shoving at his shoulder.

"I know. Have you talked to him?" Dean asked carefully. Lisa stared at Castiel for a moment, not saying a word.

"No, I... I don't know... What would I say?" She turned to look up at him, looking sadder than she had in a while.

"Hey, you don't have to talk to him at all if you don't want to. I know he'd be cool with it if you went to introduce yourself and say hi but you don't need to. It's okay," Dean spoke quietly. She nodded at him, then her expression changed to something happier.

"This place looks amazing," she smiled brightly, ending the previous conversation. Dean happily let her.

"Thank you, I've been working my ass off on this."

"Did you do this all on your own?" She seemed impressed.

"Well, I can't take all the credit for myself. Sam, Jess, and Cas helped a lot. Cas was here almost every night after work fixing and replacing stuff," he smiled fondly.

"You all did a great job. I wish you all the success," she smiled politely. After hesitating for a second she leaned up to press a quick kiss on his cheek before walking away from him.

A couple of minutes later Cas found him in the crowd.

"Hello, baker," he said flirtingly, fitting himself to Dean's side.

"Hi, babe," Dean kissed him on the forehead.

"That woman you were talking to, was that Lisa?" Cas asked. Dean tried to find any hint of jealousy in his voice but heard none, Cas's tone was completely casual.

"Yeah. I sent her an invite but didn't think she'd actually show up."

"Does it bother you that she's here?" Cas straightening up a little to get a better look at him. Dean shook his head.

"No, we're cool. She asked about you, though. I told her to come say hi but she wasn't sure if she could."

"Should I--"

Dean interrupted him quickly.

"No, no. She'll come to you if she's ready. You kinda stole her husband, so don't push it," Dean grinned at him.

"I didn't steal you," Castiel frowned. Dean just shrugged as a response, making Castiel gasp. "Did I steal you?"

Dean looked at his shocked face for a moment before pressing a quick kiss to his lips. He leaned in to whisper in his ear, "you can't steal something that has always been yours."

When he pulled away Castiel was blushing furiously. He looked so adorable that Dean had to kiss him again.

A reporter from some local newspaper came to ask Dean some more questions so Castiel slipped away, joining Sam and Jess who were, surprisingly, busy consuming the offered pastries.

The party was going well, Dean thought to himself as he answered the reporters' questions. There was a lot more press present that he had thought there'd be. Everyone seemed to be having a great time and everyone was praising his pastries. He was hoping that there would be a lot of great reviews in the papers the next morning.

As he was socializing with the guests he noticed Lisa nervously walking up to Castiel. They were far enough from him that he couldn't hear what they were saying. They both looked nervous but at least they were smiling, even if it seemed a little awkward.

The press guests were the first ones to leave after getting answers to their questions, and Dean said his goodbyes to all of them personally, shaking their hands at the door. Little by little the crowd started to dissipate as the hours went by.

"I can't hate him," Lisa was suddenly standing next to him, making Dean jump a little.

"Did you want to hate him?" Dean asked quietly. He didn't like the idea of Lisa and Cas hating each other.

She looked up at him like he was a complete idiot.

"No, Dean, it was a joke. I have no need to suffocate myself with hate. I've moved on, I'm over you. Well, mostly, but I'm getting there." She nodded to herself.

"So, uh... What did you two talk about?" Dean shuffled on his feet.

"About this place, mostly. You." She admitted but continued before he could ask her to elaborate. "I can understand now why you chose him, I wouldn't mind a man like that for myself too," she grinned at him.

"Back off, Lis, he's mine!" Dean pointed a finger at her face jokingly, making her laugh.

"Imagine that plot twist! You left me for him and then he'd leave you for me," she laughed loudly.

Dean shook his head, laughing. "Sounds like a love triangle plot from some awful soap opera."

"What does?" Castiel joined them, a confused smile on his lips. Dean turned to look at him.

"She's going to steal you from me," he explained. Cas stepped next to him, smiling widely at Lisa.

"I'd love that, darling, but there is just one problem."

"What's that?" she crossed her arms over her chest, her tone challenging but a smile on her lips.

Cas leaned closer to her so no one else would hear. "You don't have a penis."

Both Dean and Lisa laughed at his comment and Lisa rolled her eyes.

"I guess you win this round, Dean," she looked at him pointedly before finishing her drink. She put the empty glass on the table next to her. "I should get going. Castiel, take care of him, okay?" She smiled at him.

Cas nodded. "I will."

They all hugged before she left.

                                                    

After everyone had left Dean and Castiel started to clean the place up. Sam and Jess had tried to insist on staying to help, but Dean had told them to take Mary home, that he and Cas could handle the mess together. After several hugs and even more congratulations from his family, the three of them had finally left.

"This party went perfectly," Castiel smiled as he carried empty glasses to the back where Dean was pushing everything into the two big dishwashers.

"It looked like it. I hope the media won't be too harsh to me," he answered. Their reviews could make or break his business.

Castiel put the glasses down on the counter. "I heard a couple of them gushing over how great this place looks and how amazing everything tastes. Dean, they loved you and this place," he assured him with a soothing voice.

Dean stepped away from the dishes, walking up to his boyfriend. He put his hands under Cas's ass and easily lifted him to sit on the counter, pushing himself between his open legs. He reached next to them to the plate of leftover pastries, picking up a chocolaty treat.

"Thank you for being here for me," he spoke quietly, holding the small pastry in front of Cas's mouth. Cas took a small bite of it, his eyes never leaving Dean's. "It means more to me than you could ever imagine."

Castiel licked his lips, swallowing slowly. "I wouldn't have missed this for anything. I'm glad you wanted me to be a part of this big moment in your life," he smiled sweetly, taking a light grip of Dean's wrist, pulling the treat closer to his mouth.

Dean watched as Cas took another bite.

"I wanna try some of that," he whispered quietly, leaning in until their lips met.

They kissed slowly in the dim kitchen of Dean's very own bakery, and Dean thought about how all his dreams had finally come true.

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, that's it, folks! Thank you a million times to everyone who stuck with me during this journey, to everyone who left kudos and nice comments! You're all amazing, I hope you enjoyed the story :)
> 
> About the name of the bakery: 1) a friend made me do it 2) it's hilarious 3) Dean totally would


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